Eleven years ago, Andy and I decided to sell our company. It was a classic situation. When we started the company we were two computer programmers with some big ideas and very few resources. It was fun. We took risks, we tried to punch above our weight commercially and we worked long hard hours. After twenty years it was all working out as a business but we had lost much of what we enjoyed. We had, of necessity, become managers, accountants and salesmen – roles which we neither enjoyed or were particularly good at. We also realised that if we waited until the “right time” to sell the company then it would never happen. There would always be something that needed our attention. So we agreed a five-year plan to sell the company. It actually took six years and turned out to be difficult and painful but, eventually, we got there. The company sailed off to a great new future and we stood to one side and waved it goodbye. Five years later we are released from all our contractual obligations – the company has vanished over the horizon. Time for a celebration.
For some reason we came up with the idea of a posh meal in a castle. Not sure where the idea came from but some rudimentary research found us a suitable Scottish castle. That meant we were going on a short road trip. It started badly. On route to the agreed meeting point in the Yorkshire dales, Liz and Andy’s Land Rover broke down. Liz is very proud of her Land Rover so this must have been a bit demoralising. A friend of mine, Mark, who spends much of his life driving overland in Morocco, once remarked “A Land Rover is a great vehicle so long as you enjoy repairing Land Rovers”. Much as I am a fan of the Land Rover, I have to admit that there is some truth in this. In best road trip fashion, Diane and I got on with driving north and hoped they would sort something out.
The first part of the route took us up the backbone of England. North through the Yorkshire dales. To Settle, past Ingleborough Fell, past Ribblehead Viaduct and over Buttertubs pass. Wide sweeping moorland vistas under a moody overcast sky punctuated by bursts of rain and flashes of sunlight. It was a terrific drive. We were in our 2006 Jaguar XJ8 Sovereign. This is a beautiful vehicle to drive. Fast and smooth. The 4.2 litre V8 engine wafts you along serenely and quietly. However, put your foot down and you can enjoy the big cat growl from under the bonnet as the car bounds off down the road. We pressed on north through Alston then up through the Kielder forest.
As dusk was falling we arrived in Peebles and the small cottage we had booked at the back of Cringletie House hotel. Liz and Andy eventually turned up. The Land Rover had gone for repairs and they hacked up the motorway in their Kia. The day ended well with an excellent meal at the hotel after which we sat in the hot tub by the cottage.
Diane and I have differing views on porridge. I regard it as a tasteless slime usually fed to prisoners, Diane however, quite likes it. She particularly liked the Cringletie breakfast porridge which was served with a small bottle of whisky. Breakfast done, we pushed on further north into darkest Scotland and the rain. The drive was great. We skipped round Glasgow fairly painlessly and then stayed west through Inveraray. The weather remained obstinately dull punctuated with periods of rain. Even so, the highlands are magnificent and the roads were quiet. Loch Long, Loch Awe, Loch Etive and finally along the banks of Loch Linnhe to Fort William and the Inverlochy Castle Hotel.
This was to be our home for the next couple of days. The hotel is a converted mansion named after the actual Inverlochy Castle which is a couple of miles away. The place exudes a sense of old fashioned grandeur. It also, to me, seemed strongly connected to the hunting, shooting, landed gentry set. This made me a bit uncomfortable. The snooker room in particular, celebrated the murder of many beautiful animals. First thing we saw when shown to our room was a dog bed and bowls on the floor. When we had booked the room, we still hoped the Cent would be with us and the hotel had thoughtfully provided for this. It was strangely disturbing. We had only just lost Cent and I was feeling quite raw about it. Explaining that we no longer needed the dog things was surprisingly difficult.
Over the next days we canoed, walked, drove and rowed. Canoeing was on Loch Eil. Liz had arranged this. Two Canadian canoes and a guide. We paddled across the loch to a small island. It was a pleasant afternoon. Our guide brewed up some tea on the island and we paddled back. All very relaxed. We chatted a lot as we paddled and the views across the water were spectacular. Rather remarkably, we did not get rained on but we were treated to an excellent rainbow. We walked in the hotel grounds and the woods around it. The weather was less kind but the scenery is fabulous here. The hotel is set in a terrific location with Ben Nevis looming directly behind it. When the rain became particularly persistent we went for drive out to the west coast. The little ferry to Corran was fun despite the drizzle. From the quayside are some lovely roads over the hills and along the coast. Views were a bit limited by mist and yet more rain but still full of Scottish character. Back at the hotel we discovered a small lake and a boat house. We borrowed life jackets at the hotel reception and set off to explore the lake. Four people in a small rowing boat. Getting all the way around the small island required pushing through a narrow channel overgrown with weed and bullrushes. Tricky, but we made it and were rewarded with a great sense of satisfaction and some superb views of the hotel with its mountain backdrop albeit through the ever present rain.
Finally we got to the posh meal. This was intended to be the highlight of the trip and we dressed accordingly. The restaurant claims a connection with Michelin star chef Michel Roux Jr. Clearly they are paying to use his name, equally clearly he is not the chef there. The meal was disappointing. Billed as a tasting menu we were presented with five courses. Possibly part of the problem was the vegetarian option. Typically the menu includes wild boar, Highland venison and Scottish oysters so it is probably better suited to the hunting and fishing brigade. Later, I checked the wine list, which reinforced my sense of poor value for money.
In the morning we headed for home via the Tankerville Arms in Alnwick. This is a lovely, classic pub. Small but comfortable room. Excellent evening meal. Friendly staff and brilliant breakfast. Much more our sort of establishment and well recommended if you find yourself in Northumberland.
