Brisbane

It was evening when we emerged at Brisbane airport. The air was warm but noticeably less humid than Cairns. Felt fresher and easier to breath. We hopped on the shuttle bus to the appropriately named Bargain Car Rentals. Here we collected a well-used bargain Kia Sportage and headed up the road to find the wonderful Bruce and Anita. We met these two on an Hx cruise over a year ago when we all got on very well. We were planning on travelling together later in the year and somehow this ended up with us inviting ourselves for Christmas. I hoped this was going to work out. Christmas can be a difficult time when travelling. Many places shut down for a few days so it is easy to get a bit stranded. Also, in some countries, the days just before and just after xmas are manic with everyone trying to get somewhere else. Flight, train and other tickets rocket up in price. Stations, airports and ferry terminals are packed. I needn’t have worried. Bruce and Anita welcomed us warmly and before long we were sat around the kitchen table chatting like old friends.

Next day, we went for a walk in the forest behind their house. Out on the edge of Brisbane suburbia, their large single story house backs onto an enormous, wooded nature reserve. This gave me a chance to photograph some Australian fauna. Tectonically, Australia has been isolated from the rest of the world for a long time. Over 30 million years. This means that many species of flora and fauna have evolved quite separately and independently of what was happening elsewhere. 80% of animal species are endemic to Australia. These include marsupials, egg laying mammals, flightless birds and many poisonous snakes and spiders. First thing we saw was wallabies. Smaller versions of kangaroos, they are quite common in this area. Not very shy. It is possible to get close to them. Before long we had seen over a dozen. Mostly just sitting, looking at us.

We also saw a Kookaburra. Technically a type of kingfisher, although it is quite large. You will have heard the song of a Kookaburra. The distinctive laughing kookaburra’s call resembles human laughter. It is widely used in films, television shows and video games. Often this is regardless of the production being in African, Asian, or South American jungles. I was reminded of a song about a kookaburra sitting in an old gum tree that we used sing around campfires.

We walked up to the koala sanctuary. Unfortunately, it was closed. We could see the animals through the wire cages. Come back another day.  On the way back we saw a magpie and a good-sized lizard.

Christmas day we went with Bruce and Anita to their daughter’s house. Here was a great gathering of the Fursey clan. Daughters, sons, granddaughters, grandsons, other friends and many relatives. Anita’s sister, Boo, gave us some presents and card which was genuinely nice. It was a bit odd being in the middle of someone else’s Christmas celebrations but we enjoyed the experience and managed to eat too much. A highlight of the day was being introduced to Stanley the spiny leaf insect.

Back at the koala sanctuary, next morning, we finally got face to face with the bears. They are not bears. A big sign announces this as you walk in. They are koalas. No connection to bears at all.

Koalas have two thumbs to help them hang about in the eucalyptus trees. Eucalyptus leaves are all that they eat. Since these are poisonous to most other animals, the koala has a secure ecological niche where it can reign unchallenged. The downside is that eucalyptus leaves are low in food value, so the koalas have little energy and typically sleep for 20 hours a day. Later, we visited a look-out with a café and a view over Brisbane.

In the evening, we went hunting possum. Bruce sees many of these in the trees after nightfall. Their eyes glow in torchlight, making them easy to spot. We didn’t see any. The possums discovered we were coming and hid. So, it seemed. We saw a few more wallabies. They are not good with the light. They tend to freeze. Motionless they can easily get run over by a car or be shot by a hunter. Cane toads were everywhere. Also known as giant neotropical toads, these were introduced to Australia from South America. The plan was to control the cane beetle that was damaging sugar cane plantations. It was a bad plan. The cane fields provided insufficient shelter for the toads during the day. Worse, the beetles live at the tops of sugar cane—and cane toads are not good climbers. Now, cane toads are everywhere and a bit of a pest. Their tadpoles are poisonous to most animals. The skin of the adult toad is toxic. Parotoid glands behind the eyes secrete bufotoxin when the toad is threatened. This contains a class A psychedelic along with a cocktail of other, more deadly, substances. Licking is not recommended. Finally, we saw spiders. Great big ones. There was a lone huntsman spider. Also, several orb-weavers busy constructing magnificent webs right across the footpath. By morning they would be ready to ensnare unwary walkers.

Cairns

Le Soleal docked at Cairns around 7am. We had breakfast before disembarking. Breakfast was fairly good. Not masala omelette good, but it covered the basics and the orange juice was fresh. Tim and Loraine met us off the ship. Loraine is Diane’s cousin. We had all met 20 years before in Rotherham. It was lovely to see them again. They live a few minutes from the harbour and had invited us to stay for a few days.

Cairns is hot and humid. Surrounded by rainforest. Parrots and cockatoos fly around the city and the immense fruit bats swarm in the evening. Even at night the temperature is unrelenting. Tim and Lorraine live in a lovely flat near the centre of the city. They have a massive balcony with a terrific view. They also have a comfortable guest room with wonderful air conditioning. We spent most of the day chatting and catching up. In the evening, we went out for an Italian. It was my birthday. Lorraine presented me with a birthday card. This was not just the only physical card I got on this birthday but also the first one I had received for several years. Thank you Tim and Lorraine.  

Next day, Diane and I went out for a walk along the sea front. Cairns is a bit of a tourist town. The esplanade is a wooden walkway on the sea edge. From the northern end of the city it runs south for about 3km. The far end is parkland and playgrounds. Further towards the city you pass numerous open-air restaurants, bars and shop. We stopped at cheerful coffee shop with a guitarist serenading customer. It was a pleasant way to spend a little time. Before long the heat was starting to get to us and we beat a retreat to the air conditioned flat.

On our last day there we all went for a drive to the south. Babinda Boulders is a natural swimming area surrounded by boulders in the dense rainforest. Several families were there complete with towels, sun cream and picnics. We took a stroll along the path leading downstream and into a steep gorge. Here the gentle river turns into a powerful torrent winding its way through deeply carved rocks. Many signs warn against trying to swim here. It is, apparently, usually fatal. We carefully avoided certain death by staying on the path. Here we could enjoy the dense, rich rain forest. A few birds were flying around. I completely failed to photograph any of these. Instead, we headed back to the town of Babinda. There, in the bakery, I had an excellent capuchino with a fresh, hot and very tasty mushroom and spinach slice.

Next stop was the sugar terminal. Sugar is the main crop in this area. We had driven through many hectares of it. At harvest time, which we had just missed, the cane is cropped by machine. In India, it was all done by hand. The whole family comes out and works long, hard hours. Here a specialised machine, similar to a combine harvester, cuts the stalks at the base, strips leaves, chops the cane into billets and loads them for transport. It ejects the waste back as fertilizer. This is all a drastic improvement of efficiency over manual methods. A narrow-gauge railway system, called the “cane train” moves the billets down to the processing plant. Each small locomotive pulls a long train of open box cars holding sugar cane. Eventually, the sugar, ready for export, arrives at the sugar terminal; a deep-water dock where large ships can be bulk loaded.

Not far from here is Etty Bay Beach. A lovely stretch of sand with a safe swimming area. Large floats support heavy chain netting which reaches right down to the seafloor. At this time of year this is mostly to keep stinging jelly fish away. A lifeguard sat at a desk under a gazebo keeps a watchful eye on things. We had a potter along the beach. Tim, Lorraine and Diane risked paddling in the shallows. As we got back to the car we spotted a cassowary. A flightless bird similar to an emu but smaller. Cassowaries are very wary of humans, but if provoked, they are capable of inflicting serious, even fatal, injuries. They are known to attack both dogs and people. The cassowary has often been labelled “the world’s most dangerous bird” although the statistics do not bear this out. This cassowary was busy raiding some sandwiches that had been left on a table. I grabbed a photograph while it was distracted.

That was it for Cairns. Lovely place and we were well looked after but way too hot and humid for me. Tim and Lorraine took us to the airport in the morning. We said our goodbyes and promised to not leave it another 20 years before we met again. A couple of hours later we were flying south to Brisbane.

Cape York

We arrived back at Thursday Island at about lunchtime. We were in Australia but not officially. First came passport control. The border control people came onboard and everyone took turns going to visit them. A woman in uniform squinted at me, squinted at my passport, nodded her head and I was done. Officially in Australia.

This all took time so it was not until after 3 pm that we could get off the ship. Getting off the ship was all but pointless but we did it anyhow. A short zodiac ride to the pier. A walk along the seafront. There was not much to see and nowhere to go. The highlight of the day was Diane sitting on a statue of a turtle.

In the evening, we sailed to Cape York. This is the most northerly tip of mainland Australia. Apparently, there is a sign to mark the fact. It was only a few hours to get there. We passed one of the other Ponant ships heading in the other direction. We were going to need to be up before 6 am yet again. Diane and I had just settled down for an early night when they dropped anchor. Our cabin is close to sea level at the front of the boat. It sounds and feels, like the anchor drops past our porthole and that the chain locker is under our bed. Bit of a jolt when you are just dropping off to sleep.

At 6 am it was still dark and raining. The sea looked to be running quite high as well. I got up anyhow. Diane had not slept well and was feeling particularly unimpressed. We had breakfast. The landing was delayed. Then it was on again. I joined a shore party in a zodiac. The rain had abated and the swell seemed far less in the cold, hard light of day. It was only a short walk from the landing site to northern point. Quite a few people had already arrived there and were queuing to be photographed with the sign. I managed to grab a photograph between people. Just then Diane bobbed past on a zodiac. She had opted out of the landing and went for a fly-by in a boat instead.

Heading back to the landing site I could see that it was no longer the landing site. They had decided it was too rocky there on a rising tide. Instead, we needed to walk over the top of the hill to a beach. Apparently, there is a saltwater crocodile called Gary that hangs out on this beach. Fortunately, there was no sign of him this morning. Pleasant view from the top of the hill. In the afternoon, we set sail for Lizard Island.

Penultimate night on the ship was gala night. There was a parade of all the officers and crew. Champagne was served and there were dancing girls. Eventually it stopped and we went for dinner. I am missing the Indian food. Ship food, as usual, is bland. Le Soleal is a French ship with a French chef. The bread was terrific and the wine was rather good as well. There was a strong emphasis on fancy fish and meat dishes. This did not impress us at all. Vegetables were mostly boiled and very boring. Surprisingly, to me, the cheese was a very mediocre selection. The omelettes were terrible. I am not sure how they did it but a cheese and onion omelette turned out tasteless and oily. I was really missing my spicy masala omelettes.

We had a morning at Lizard Island. I declined the optional walk. Seemed far too hot to me. Snorkelling was a much better idea. We had a very pleasant hour. Diane saw a big sea snake. These are very poisonous but not particularly dangerous. If you leave them alone, they will leave you alone. We both saw some giant clams and many, many different fishes. With that, we were basically done. Back on the ship we handed back our snorkelling gear and then went back to our cabin to pack our bags. We had time to pop up to the bridge. I was pleased to see that they were using the Admiralty Total Tide software for their tidal height predictions. Andy and I wrote this a long time ago. It is nice to know that it is still useful. The evening was quiet and uneventful.

Next morning the ship docked early in Cairnes. We had breakfast and disembarked into Australia. Biosecurity is an important thing here. We were given a lot of information explaining how to avoid bringing in any plant or animal products that could cause problems. We had to fill in a landing card where we declared if we had been on a farm and all sorts of other things. We were briefed on the possibility of bag inspections, shoe cleaning and much questioning. In the event it was a complete anticlimax. The border offices took our declarations, said “welcome to Australia” and that was it.

Triton Bay

As the dull morning dawned, we were already at anchor just off from Kitikiti waterfall in West Papua. This is a substantial and picturesque waterfall that drops directly into the ocean. Nearby is a small island known as a haven for fruit bats. The plan for the day was a zodiac ride to see the bats followed by a swim and a snorkel near the waterfall.  Unfortunately, the weather was against us. For a start, it was throwing it down with rain. Round here rain is rarely anything trivial. It was gushing down and bouncing off the railings. Worse however, was the sea state. A big swell had rolled in. The skipper felt that RHIB operations were not appropriate and so we were stuck on the ship.

While we bobbed around for the morning, I tried taking a few photos. The islands were looking moody with clouds hanging off them. I think I pretty much completely failed to capture this. Instead, I kept getting my camera steamed up. Outside was hot and very humid. This is not good for cameras. The rest of the day was a slow, steady run down the coast of West Papua to Triton Bay.

The morning in Triton Bay came in clear and sunny. The sea had settled down. We were good to go. This is a karst landscape. That is, it is made of limestone. The sedimentary rock was formed long ago on the bottom of a seabed. Then it got uplifted and got weathered by rain and wind. Limestone is vulnerable to the mild acid that forms in rainwater when it works it way through the soil layer. This is what creates caves. In places the caves collapsed and joined the network of great, water worn gorges. Now this landscape is partially submerged again and the limestone pillars are being rapidly eroded at their base.

We explored the bay and some of its tributaries in a zodiac. This was great fun. I just had to sit there with my camera and try to point it at anything interesting. We were out early in the morning and there were a few birds around. We also spotted a couple of orchids.

Our guides also pointed out an ant plant and some pitcher plants. An ant plant is interesting because it grows an ant nest and invites ants to live in it symbiotically. Pitcher plants are carnivorous. They trap flies and small insects. However, when I looked carefully at my photographs, I decided that I could not see either of these things. There were some interesting rock formations but nothing like Phang Nga Bay (Thailand). I enjoyed the trip but felt it had been oversold to us a little. Similarly, the talk of pristine wilderness seemed a bit over-egged. If you looked closely, there were huts, walkways and other constructions all over the place.

The afternoon was snorkelling. Brilliant conditions and really interesting. No photographs again. I do not have a waterproof camera. Maybe I should get one.

Next day was a sea day. We were sailing to the Asmat region of West Papua. This was billed as one of the most remote and mysterious regions of the world. Even today, there are at least 44 tribes that have never had contact with the outside world. In the realm of head-hunters and cannibals we would be met by a multitude of Asmat warrior canoes. We never got there. During the day it was announced that there was a sick passenger on board who would need to be taken to an Australian hospital. This was genuinely a matter of life and death. There was no real option other than to set a course south.

We sailed all the next day and as the third sea day dawned the Le Soleal was met by a fast transport boat from the Australian coastguard. Our patient was passed over so that he could be taken to Thursday Island from where he would be flown to Cairnes. I hope this all worked and that the unfortunate passenger made a good recovery.

Now we had another problem. We had left Indonesia without the proper border clearance. Emergency over, we turned back north and steamed back into Indonesian waters. The immigration officials met us in the evening offshore from Merauke. Formalities took a few hours and then we were steaming south again. Finally, we were back on track to pick up the planned voyage at the Torres Strait.

Banda Neira

We went snorkelling again. Diane is really enjoying this now. There is no stopping her. The ship had arrived at the Barat Daya Islands. This small and remote archipelago is located off the eastern end of East Timor. Most of the islands are barren, infertile and minimally forested. Another way of looking at them is to say they are perfect little tropical islands with clean, bright beaches ideal for a snorkelling trip. This is what we did. I think we had the island to ourselves.

The snorkelling here is extremely good. There is a wide variety of corals close to the beach. This attracts many different fishes. Big, small, brightly coloured, plain white. I have never seen such a variety of fish in one place. Not even in the Dubai aquarium. Diane is turning into quite the little mermaid. She will even let go of my hand occasionally. The water is warm and clear. Just the perfect temperature for some gentle swimming. The sun still feels hot but that just means there is no need to dry off and get dressed. We just hop back into a zodiac and go back to the ship.

Snorkelling in the morning and then we set sail for the island of Banda Neira. Late afternoon the bridge spotted a blue whale. I tried to get a photograph and managed a blurry picture of its dorsal fin. Even so, I was still pleased. My first Blue whale.

This is a small island, just 3 km long, in the centre of a caldera. For a while, it was the only place in the world where nutmeg was grown. The Dutch arrived there in 1600 hoping to monopolise the nutmeg trade. The fell out with the locals, the islanders revolted killing 30 Netherlanders. The Dutch came back with an army and began a campaign of genocide against the locals. The monopoly was broken in 1810. The invasion of the Spice Islands was a military invasion by British forces on and around the Dutch owned Maluku Islands also known as the Spice Islands in the Dutch East Indies during the Napoleonic Wars. The British attack on Fort Belgica, Banda Neira was a bit chaotic but they were aided by heavy rainfall which rendered the defenders cannons inoperative. By 1814, at the end of the Napoleonic Wars, the Dutch once more took control but not before the British had spread nutmeg and cloves far and wide. Trees were transplanted, complete with soil, to Sri Lanka, Penang, Bencoolen, and Singapore. From these locations they were transplanted to other colonial holdings elsewhere, notably Zanzibar and Grenada. The Dutch finally relinquished control in 1949.

We arrived early the next morning. Some canoes came out to greet us. The Banda islands are the visible part of the volcano Gunung Api. Banda Api is the active cone that last erupted in 1988. Ash rose several kilometres into the air. One of the lava flows was clearly visible as we approached the island. Nearly 10,000 people needed to be evacuated from the archipelago. Most of the inhabitants of Banda Api have since relocated to Banda Neira.

The landing was done by zodiac to a small quay. We got divided into small groups and then herded around the island in different directions.

Our first stop was Fort Belgica. This has been restored and is in quite good condition. The top of the towers afford and excellent view across the town. The volcanic cone of Banda Api towers above the fort.

Next, we went to see a nutmeg plantation. This was in the shadow of the fort. As far as I could tell, it was still being run in a very traditional and manual way. The owner demonstrated cutting some cinnamon bark off a tree. I have since learnt that Cinnamon is the name for several species of trees and the commercial spice products that some of them produce. Typically, the trees are managed through coppicing.

The nutmeg fruit is a rather unassuming thing about the size of a plum and pale green or yellow. They are traditionally harvested using a bamboo contraption which catches the fruit as it is taken from the tree. This stops it hitting the ground. The fleshy part of the fruit can be used to make jam and sugar crystalised sweets. Splitting the fruit open reveals the nutmeg seed surrounded by a red covering. The covering is mace. A similar flavour to nutmeg but more subtle. Nutmeg and mace, commonly used as food spices, have been traditionally employed for their psychoactive and aphrodisiac effects.

Last event on the agenda was some more dancing and music. Everyone got together for this one. The major presented the captain of Le Soleal with a present and made a speech. We slipped out after the second round of dancing and wandered back to the ship. On the way, we noticed the street lamps had been fashioned to look like nutmegs.

It was late in the afternoon when we sailed from Banda Neira. I took a few photographs as we passed the islands. Eventually the sunset, we had a cocktail and retired for the evening ready for another early start at Kitikiti.

Kalabahi

The day after the excitement of the dragons, we turned up at Maumere, population 80,000, on the island of Flores. The reefs in this area were once considered some of the finest diving in the world. Sadly, a 2007 report found that 75% of the coral reefs had been significantly damaged or destroyed by the practice of bomb fishing, the use of toxic chemicals in fishing, and due to earthquakes.

We were loaded into a coach and driven for an hour up into the hills and to a small village. Here we were welcomed with some traditional dancing and music. Optionally, we were given some betel nut to chew as well as their local hard spirit. The betel nut is the fruit of the areca palm. It contains a mild alkaloid stimulant which is released by chewing it with calcium hydroxide (slaked lime). I had a nibble but it did not taste too good and I was not too sure about putting slaked lime in my mouth. The local spirit tasted like a grappa.

I was not too sure about the dancing. Clearly it was put on for our benefit but I was dubious about the extent to which it genuinely reflected local culture and customs. I am pretty sure that as soon as we left that the locals would put their proper clothes back on and go back to work. Some of the others in our group loved it. I imagine they thought we had penetrated deep into the unexplored jungle and were the first white people to be witnessing these rituals. By the side of the bus was a group of lads hanging out with their mopeds, smoking cigarettes and facebooking on their mobile phones.

The last part of our visit was the ubiquitous carpet shop. The women were hard at work spinning cotton into thread by hand. Next to them were a couple of looms and beyond that an awful lot of fabric hung out for display. They appeared to be doing a brisk trade.

The rest of the day we were on the ship sailing towards the town of Kalabahi on Alor Island. Our ship, Le Soleal, was built in 2012 in Italy. It is run by the French, Compagnie du Ponant. It is slow. Typically, we only do around 7 knots. However, it is remarkably quiet, stable and comfortable.

Next morning we were up early again for a zodiac landing. Fortunately, they could put us ashore on a stone jetty. We did not need to get our feet wet. In something of a repeat of the previous day we were loaded into some small and battered coaches. The trip to the village was a shorter drive but then we had to walk. Not too far. Just a couple of hundred metres up a steep slope. Here we found a carefully laid out market area and beyond that a cleared area with seating around it.

There was a lot more dancing. More whooping and waving of spears and rusty swords. I wandered around the village a little while this was going on. The construction of the huts was quite interesting. The lowest platform was over a metre off the ground. This gave a big living space, open on the sides. In the centre was a fireplace. The posts supporting the roof and attic had wooden barriers to prevent rodents getting up into the top section. The roof was steeply sloping to be effective with the heavy rain that often occurs here.

 I spent a while photographing the dancing. For the most part, I was not very comfortable doing this. For a start, it feels quite invasive. I know the dancing is put on for us but even so I am not sure about pushing a camera into someone’s face. Also, I was having to fight with all the other photographers, mostly taking video using their phone. Why do people do this? Hundreds of hours of small, shaky video that nobody will ever watch.

Eventually, it all stopped and we got to spend time in the make-shift market. Eventually, that ended as well and we walked back down to the coaches. I thought we might get back to the ship then but instead we were taken to a market. This one really baffled me. A market selling fruit, vegetables, fish and meat. The fish and meat was getting rather revoltingly smelly in hot tropical sun. There was also a lot of rubbish.

Next we were taken to a museum. They have a bit of a thing about drums in Kalabahi. In particular, Moko drums, which are ancient and valuable bronze kettledrums. The Moko drums are believed to have originated from the Dong Son culture of North Vietnam, possibly imported to Indonesia by traders between 600 BCE and 300 CE. Their exact local origins remain a mystery to the Indigenous people of Alor. The museum has a large and diverse collection of drums which they are very proud of.

Komodo

First day on the ship is all about finding your way around. We had mandatory briefings about the use of RHIBs. We were loaned some snorkelling gear. We discovered the restaurants and bars. We attended a lecture about Komodo dragons. In the evening there was a gala dinner. Some people got dressed up for this. I put my cleanest shirt on but still managed to enjoy the champagne. Life from a 23 kg suitcase does not allow for dressing up clothes.

The Komodo Dragon is the biggest lizard in the world. Up to 3m long and 150 kg. These monitor lizards are endemic to a handful of Indonesian islands in the Komodo National Park. They are the apex predator and live off a diet of deer, wild boar and carrion. The Komodo dragon was the driving factor for an expedition to Komodo Island by Douglas Burden in 1926. They returned with 12 preserved specimens and two live ones. This expedition provided the inspiration for the 1933 movie King Kong.

We arrived early in the morning. A few people live on the island and they had set up a small market area to sell things to tourists. We were divided up into small groups. Each group had a guide and two national park rangers armed with long sticks. They went in front and behind the main group. Occasionally, dragons attack and bite humans. Sometimes they consume human corpses, digging up bodies from shallow graves. This habit of raiding graves caused the villagers of Komodo to move their graves from sandy to clay ground, and pile rocks on top of them, to deter the lizards. The guide was just explaining how it was not guaranteed that we would see any dragons when one wandered past the market area.

These dragons do not breath fire but they are still fearsome warriors. Komodo dragon skin is reinforced by armoured scales, which contain tiny bones called osteoderms that function as a sort of natural chainmail. They have orange, iron-enriched coatings on their tooth serrations and tips, as an adaptation for maintaining the sharp cutting edges. It used to be thought that the bacteria on their teeth could make even a small bite ultimately fatal. This has since been disproved. Dragons do have venom glands that secrete several different toxic proteins. The extent to which these are used for killing prey is uncertain.

We walked round a track through the forest. It was only quite short although the whole trip took nearly two hours with many stops to listen to the guide and watch the dragons. In all, we saw half a dozen dragons. They did not appear to take much notice of us. One of them was digging out a nest.

We got to an area where we could smell decaying meat. There was not anything to see but the guide assured us that a dragon had been eating here. Loosely articulated jaws, flexible skulls, and expandable stomachs allow them to swallow prey whole. Copious amounts of red saliva help to lubricate the food. Sometimes a dragon will ram the carcass against a tree to force it down its throat. A single meal can be 80% of their body weight. This means they only need to eat every few weeks.

Further down the track, our guide pointed out a young dragon in a tree. Poaching and loss of habitat make the dragon endangered these days. Across the whole Komodo National Park there are about 3000 dragons left. Young dragons mostly live up trees where the mature reptiles cannot catch and eat them.

I was quite happy to get to the end of the track. It was very hot and I was starting to wilt. Our route was arranged so that we needed to go through the market area to get back on the ship. There were t-shirts, little model dragons and various other tat that looked suspiciously like it was mass produced in China.

In the afternoon, the ship moved to another island, without dragons, and we went snorkelling. Diane’s first ever snorkel. She was a bit nervous but soon got used to it. Buoyed up by two pool noodles she was soon swimming around like a pro.

Singapore

Our last night in India was at the Aeropark. This is an upmarket shopping and hotel area close to the airport. There are several problems with western style hotels in India, one of them being the prices for food and drink. A bottle of cheap Indian red wine (Sula) costs around £8 in one of the wine and beer shops that are dotted around everywhere. In the hotel restaurant they were charging £75 for the same bottle. I don’t mind paying a bit extra for wine in a restaurant, corkage, glasses, or whatever. But this is just rampant profiteering and feels quite offensive. In a fit of righteousness indignation, we set off to buy wine. It was interesting that in just five minutes walking we could get from the tidy coffee shops and hotels to the real Delhi with its chaos of people, rubbish, tuk-tuks and cows. We found a shop that immediately attempted to charge us three times the normal price for our bottle of wine. I peeled off the label with the name of their shop off the original bottle label to reveal the official price. They capitulated over this evidence but then would not accept a credit card payment. The third ATM that we visited was working. We got some cash, exchanged it for wine and then just needed to get back to the hotel. Getting a tuk-tuk is not just easy, it is hard to avoid sometimes. If they see a tourist, they will stop and block your way to encourage you to get in. We agreed a price, £1, and set off into the rush-hour traffic. Some confusion over the address of the hotel made the ride longer than it needed to be. 20 minutes in the traffic pandemonium including contact with at least one other vehicle got us there. Diane only opened her eyes when we finally stepped out. Getting back into our hotel, the security insisted on putting our bottle of wine through the x-ray machine. We retreated to the sanctuary of our room to enjoy the wine that we had bought, Indian style.

Driving to the airport in the morning, I spotted the most massive statue of the Hindu deity Lord Shiva gazing down at us from the top of a building. We also saw a shiny new temple that was still being built. I have mentioned before that there is a sort or surfeit of people in India and that there are people doing everything. This was particularly evident when we arrived at the airport. A woman and two porters met us. Our baggage was whisked off while we got shown through a side door to the alternative, short queue for security. We were briefly reunited with our luggage to check it in. Then we were shown to another privileged queue for passport control and a final security check beyond which our greeter could not go. No worries though because there was another greeter at the other side. He only seemed about fourteen but was very polite and showed us to the airport lounge. When he collected us a while later, he brought a driver with a golf cart. We all rode to the gate Maharaja style.

Arriving in Singapore after a very ordinary flight, we stepped into a completely different world. Clean, tidy, modern, efficient. There was no-one to carry our suitcases and no taxi drivers competing for our business. We had to join an orderly queue, paid the driver with a card and did not need to tip anyone.

The Republic of Singapore is an island country and city-state just north of the equator off the southern tip of the Malay Peninsula. In 1819 Stamford Raffles established Singapore as an entrepôt trading post of the British Empire. It later came under the control of the British East India Company, the British Raj and the finally the British Crown. Japan occupied Singapore in 1942 and it returned to Britain as a Crown colony in 1945. Self-governance began in 1959. Singapore became an independent sovereign country in 1965. Following a period of unrest after WW2, Singapore has capitalised on its geographic and market positions to develop one of the worlds great economies. Regarded as free, innovative, dynamic and business-friendly. Singapore attracts a large amount of foreign investment because of its location, skilled workforce, low tax rates, advanced infrastructure and zero-tolerance against corruption. It is also a major tax haven and a refuge for high-worth individuals. Singaporeans enjoy one of the longest life expectancies, fastest Internet connection speeds, lowest infant mortality rates and lowest levels of corruption in the world. Chewing gum in public is illegal and so is vaping. The downside of all this wealth and loveliness is that Singapore is one of the most expensive cities in the world.

In the morning, we went out to explore a little. It was hot and humid. Singapore is always hot and humid. A tropical rainforest climate with no distinctive seasons, uniform temperature and pressure, high humidity, and abundant rainfall. Not my favourite and the constant rain was a bit of a nuisance. There are many malls. Massive shopping complexes with air conditioning and an impressive array of shops. We discovered that the malls often had themes. There was an upper-class mall with Gucci, Prada, Versace and other brands that do not put prices on goods in their shop window. If you need to ask the price, you can’t afford it. There was a mall with an entire level of shoe shops. The shoe shop event horizon is approaching. Lower down was electronics and tech things. Another mall was all to do with Myanmar. Everything from travel agents to Myanmar themed food shops and cheap plastic goods. In the afternoon we found the photography mall. I had lost the foot off my monopod. That may not mean much to you. A monopod is a third of a tripod. A one-legged tripod if you like. A lightweight, compact and handy way to support a camera. The foot, the bit that goes on the ground, is made of rubber and screws into the leg part. But I had mislaid it while trekking at the Vanghat animal sanctuary. It had come unscrewed and was lost in the jungle. We started asking around in the camera mall. It did not go well. Shop keepers considered my footless monopod and shook their heads sadly. We were close to abandoning the quest when one guy unexpectedly said yes. He rummaged in the back for a while and came out with the perfect foot. Nice note to finish the day on.

Next day we were in the Apple store. This is a large, spherical building that appears to be floating in Marina Bay. Right in the centre of the fashionable, expensive part of Singapore. Totally appropriate for one of the most profitable companies in the world. I don’t like Apple shops. Far too trendy. Instead of a clear layout for choosing and buying, there are tables with Apple products that are all being used by someone. What are they doing with an iPad chained to a table? I had an appointment but still needed to attract the attention of an ‘Apple Genius’ – one of the many noticeably young people in t-shirts and sandals that say ‘hey’ a lot. They all seemed to be terribly busy walking around tapping at their iPads. I managed to interrupt one and was told to sit and wait at the corner of a table. My phone had been getting increasingly unreliable over the last few months. They asked me questions, took my phone away, asked more questions, did more tests on the phone and then declared that it had become a bit unreliable. The short story is that Diane and I ended up with new phones. We then spent the next two hours, in the spherical Apple store, setting up our new phones. It was an apple day.

Last day in Singapore we went clothes shopping. I bought a couple of new shirts. On this trip we must deal with a wide range of weather and temperatures with a set of clothes packed into a 23kg suitcase. The key to this is layers and modern, hi-tech materials. The shirts I bought were lightweight, durable, fast drying, comfortable, practical, reasonably smart and do not need ironing. When I checked the label, they were made in India. We could not buy clothes like this in India. We tried. Clothes in India are much more traditional. Cotton, linen and similar. Maybe the hi-tech stuff is just for export where they can charge much more for it.

Diane wanted some trousers from Decathlon. She had a pair that she really liked and wanted a second pair. Using Google maps we attempted to find a Decathlon store in Singapore. This proved harder than we anticipated. After two failed attempts we ended up walking over to the Chinatown area. This was a bit of a trek but quite interesting. Google maps does not handle malls very well. For a start, your GPS signal is sketchy, so positioning gets dubious. Maps does not really understand stores and walkways the way it understands shops and roads. Multi-level malls are almost unnavigable. In this particular mall we had given up. In fact, we were done for the day. We would buy a bottle of wine and head back to our hotel. Down the escalator to the taxi level, we stumbled across the smallest Decathlon ever. Usually, a Decathlon store occupies a generous sized warehouse. This one was the size of a village sweetshop. What is more, it had exactly the trousers Diane wanted, in her size. Happy days. Tomorrow was the flight to Bali.

Bharatpur

It was only 10:30 in the morning and we had already watched the sun rise over the Taj Mahal, eaten a great breakfast and packed our bags. Packing bags is quite routine now. After two months travelling, we just about have a place for everything. Obviously, we do not have to think about what we are going to pack – we need to pack everything we have brought. That is a great simplification. After a while, you know where everything goes. You can pack quickly and easily spot if anything is missing. This is important because if you leave something in a hotel it is gone forever. Like dropping something off a ship. You will never see it again. I think hotels rarely admit to finding lost items because it is such a pain to try and post it on. Just once, we managed to drive back to a hotel and reclaimed a scarf. More usually, return to the hotel is not an option and they are very unlikely to post something to a foreign country.

We were driving to the Bharatpur Bird Sanctuary and the pragmatically named Birder’s Inn. This hotel is right next to the entrance to the Keoladeo National Park. The area was developed into a duck shooting reserve in 1899. Through the efforts of ornithologist Salim Ali, “The Birdman of India”, it became the Bharatpur Bird Sanctuary in 1956. It then became the protected Keoladeo National Park in 1982. It was designated a UNESCO World Heritage Site in 1985 because of the vast number of birds it supports. Over 400 species, including many migratory birds, have been observed there. The wetlands are regulated by a series of dams, dykes and channels. There are even some wells to help in times of drought. These measures also protect Bharatpur settlements from flash floods and provide ample pastures for the locals’ cattle and livestock.

We checked in at the Birder’s Inn, skipped lunch and set off to explore the sanctuary. As usual we needed to have a driver and a local guide. Our transport for this trip was an electric tuk-tuk. I quite like this sort of bird watching. No messing around with hiding places while trying to spot something small and shy. We could just sit back and relax while bimbling along enjoying the view while the guide spotted birds and told us what they were.

Narrow, tarmac roads along the top of the dykes provide good access to the wetlands.

The second type of owl we saw was a Nightjar. These are nocturnal. They often perch lengthwise along a branch, rather than across it, to help with concealment during the day.

The Bronze-winged Jacana was amusing to watch. They have the most enormously long toes and claws. This helps them walk on floating vegetation. Seems to work well but looks strange.

We had seen oriental darters before. They are also known as the snakebird. They hunt fish underwater using its long, straight, pointed bill. Like cormorants, it has semi-permeable feathers and often perches with outstretched wings to dry them after swimming.

The painted storks were amazingly bright. Adults have distinctive pink tertial feathers, which give them their name. Non-breeding adults have duller plumage and bare parts, including a naked orange-red head

In the distance we could spot a black-necked stork. These are endanged and the Bharatpur reserve is one of the few places they can still be found. Adults have a distinctive white and glossy black plumage with a massive black bill and red legs. They build large nests in tall trees or

Late on we spotted a nilgai. This is the largest antelope species in Asia. The name “nilgai” is derived from Hindi and literally translates to “blue cow”.

It was a long afternoon and made for a long day. Very interesting though and I managed to take a few pictures of birds. A good final day in India. Next day we were off to the airport.

Agra

We were back in Agra. Arrived at our hotel just after lunch and found a wedding going on. Indian weddings are incredibly lavish affairs. The red carpet was out and traditionally dressed girls were waiting to greet guests. Sadly we were not invited. Just then our guide turned up and we went off to look at the Red Fort.

At 94 acres, Agra’s Red Fort is better described as a walled city. Much of it is still in use by the Indian military. Built in 1500, by the Lodi Dynasty it was taken over by first Mughal ruler, Babur (a direct descendent of Genghis Khan) in 1526. The Sur Empire controlled it for a while. In 1556 the Mughals were back. Emperor Akbar made some serious modifications – 4,000 builders, 8 years. Akbar’s grandson, Shah Jahan not only built the Taj Mahal but also worked on the Red Fort and established its current state. The building changed hands several more times and in 1803 was taken by the British East India Company. After the Indian uprising of 1857 control passed to the British Raj. Since 1947, with Indian independence, the Government of India claim ownership.

It was terribly busy. People everywhere. Often, when we visit old building, I try and take photographs to give the impression that we are the only ones there. In India that is almost impossible. I gave up trying. This may not sound like a big deal but you would be amazed at the kind of photobombing that can happen if you are not paying attention. Random people with random expressions doing strange things. My India strategy is to take plenty of photos so that I can drop the ones with the distracting characters. I know, I could remove excess people using image processing software. But it is time consuming and not always very effective.

Shah Jahan built the Taj in sight of the Red Fort. Then he added some balconies and rooms to the fort just for looking at the Taj. Maybe it helped him settle down in the evening to see the mausoleum of his dead wife. He never remarried. Such was his love. That is how the story goes. He still had plenty of women in his life. Estimates range from a few hundreds to several thousand. This would include wives (4), concubines, female relatives, and a large retinue of servants and guards. Women in the harem provided entertainment (singing, dancing) and fulfilled various roles, with eunuchs guarding them.

Having looked at the Taj from the Red Fort we went off to see the Taj again. This time at sunset. It was as crowded as ever. Fortunately there was less haze so conditions for photographs were much improved. Still far from ideal, I would say in my defence.

We wandered down the left hand side of the gardens of paradise. Took a few pictures with slightly different lighting before. Sadly, the sunset was a bit of a non-event. I was hoping for a brilliantly lit sky, blazing beams of light, glowing clouds and fantastic colours on the buildings. What I got was a damp fizzle. The sun seemed to just give up and sank into a colourless obscurity below the horizon.

Undiminished, we vowed to return in the morning and do the job properly. Opening and closing times for the Taj are based on the sun. It opens 15 minutes before sunrise and closes 15 minutes after sunset. Sunrise was 6:15 am. It was another silly, early start. But there was a chance of getting a better photograph.

We were queuing in the dark. Not just there for opening but at the front of the queue to get pole position for rushing to the optimal viewpoints. The security at the Taj is very restrictive on what you can take in. Too many cameras, tripods, any writing implements, anything that looks political, anything that might cause offence, drinks, food and so on. Men and women enter through separate lines so that a guard can frisk you. Rucksacks and bags need to be thoroughly searched. This can take a while. By now, our third visit, we had got our possessions down to bare necessities. A camera each with a spare battery. No bags.

Skipping quickly through security like old pros, we were at the main entrance by first light. There were few people around and almost no hawkers. This then is my advice if you want to visit the Taj, do it absolutely first thing in the morning. We left after less than an hour and it was already filling up by then. Before then, for just a few precious minutes, we had some space to ourselves.

The morning sky was featureless and bland. Not ideal but much better than the misty morning when we first visited. A little mist still clung to the river. The sunrise was practical rather then spectacular. Gentle water-colours and a pleasing glow to the east. Best of all, some clear views of the Taj Mahal in all its glory. I was a bit unsure as to whether we should visit the Taj more than once but the last visit turned out to be the most gratifying. I got quite enthusiastic about some of the images. This rarely happens when I am photographing buildings.

By half past seven we were back at our hotel enjoying an Indian cooked breakfast. Masala cheese omelette on a stuffed spicy paratha. Oh yes.

Bali

It is only a short flight from Singapore to Bali. Our flight was late afternoon. It was dark when we landed. Another country, another culture. Here the taxi drivers were pitching for our custom even before we had collected our luggage. It was roughly ninety minutes drive to our hotel in Ubud to the north of the airport in Denpasar. After a little negotiating, this ended up costing us about £20.

In the morning, we could see that we had arrived in the middle of a jungle. The last part of the drive had been through rice paddies and a banana plantation. Now we could see that we were on the shoulder of a steep sided valley. Dense with rich, green vegetation and alive with jungle sounds. Our accommodation was compact but we had a balcony with a view over the trees and valley. Breakfast was in a large, open sided building that overlooked an infinity pool.

Bali is an Indonesian island, east of Java and west of Lombok. It is Indonesia’s primary tourist destination. 80% of the economy is tourist related businesses. Bali is the only Hindu-majority province in Indonesia. 86% of the population are Balinese Hindus. In India there are many Hindus. They are vegetarian as required by their belief. Our taxi driver explained that in Bali most people are not vegetarian because they are Hindu. Religion seems a bit arbitrary at times. Bali has received numerous awards as a tourist destination. It is also suffering from some of the problems associated with over tourism . David Bowie’s ashes are scattered in Bali.

We spent the day pottering around the hotel. I spotted a medium sized lizard. There were many monkeys. Mostly long-tailed macaques. We were warned to avoid them. In the afternoon we were drinking tea when a monkey hopped on our table and went for the cake. Diane was having none of this. She jumped up and shouted, loudly at the monkey to go away. She did not literally say “Go away”, instead she used the Rotherham Equivalent Expression (REE*). This was remarkably effective. The monkey beat a rapid retreat and the other guests, sipping their tea, were momentarily stunned into silence.

*A REE is a sentiment delivered in local Rotherham vernacular. It is typically concise, direct, insensitive and occasionally incomprehensible to outsiders of the South Yorkshire area.

The hotel had a kitchen garden where they were growing chillis and pineapples. The pineapple is an odd fruit. Pineapples grow as a small shrub. The individual flowers of the unpollinated plant fuse to form a multiple fruit. Originally from South America, the pineapple was first introduced to Europe in 1500s. It was difficult to grow in Europe and expensive to import. The pineapple became a symbol of wealth and status. By the second half of the 18th century, the production of the fruit on British estates became the subject of great rivalry between wealthy aristocrats. The fruit was rarely eaten. Instead, the pineapple was used for display, repeatedly, until it began to rot. To this day, you can still see pineapple carvings used on the walls and gateposts of old manor houses as a sign of prestige. In the 19th century, pineapples were being cultivated in tropical areas all around the world. The Victorians had no fear of invasive species and were happy to spread plants and animals to wherever they would prosper. In the 1960s Hawaii became one of the world’s major supplier of pineapples. Foods incorporating pineapple became known as Hawaiian. Sotirios “Sam” Panopoulos, a Greek-Canadian cook, is credited with putting pineapple on pizza first in 1962 at his Satellite Restaurant in Ontario, Canada. Whether or not this was a good idea is still hotly debated.

Next day we took the shuttle bus into town. It was hot and busy and there were plenty of tourists around. Our first stop was the Ubud Water Palace; “a serene sanctuary that combines traditional Balinese architecture with the tranquillity of nature”. We both had to don purple sarongs, jackets and head gear to get in. It was genuinely nice in a fiddly, water feature sort of way. Rather ornate statues and a plethora of gods. Fountains with smoke and numerous images, carvings and ponds. The palace was not especially large. Some stepping stones, a couple of dinky wooden bridges and some seats arranged to look like thrones. These were particularly popular with some of the other visitors. There were small queues of people waiting to get their photograph taken sitting on a throne. Next to the palace was a coffee shop. As palace visitors, we got an irresistible 10% discount.

I gave the purple sarong back. Despite the colour, it did not really seem my style. At the coffee shop we had “cappuccino brulee”. Essentially, a cappuccino with a crisped sugar topping. Interesting but only for its novelty value. After coffee, we took a walk around town. Here was an endless supply of tourist orientated shops selling assorted tat. Fridge magnets, small statues, t-shirts, wooden bowls and scarves. Diane eventually succumbed and bought a sarong.

We only had a couple of days in Bali. It would have been interesting to stay longer but we had a ship to meet. In pondering how to get to New Zealand by Jan 2026, we had lucked on a nice last-minute deal with the small expedition ship “Le Soleal”. From Bali this would take us to Cairnes in Australia by way of some of the Indonesian islands and New Guinea. We got down to the port with several hours to spare. The ship was docked but not allowing new passengers onboard. It was hot and humid, as ever. We wandered around the port area for a while but mostly got hassled by taxi drivers and hawkers selling bracelets. We did manage to find a shop selling cold beer. We also found a comparatively quiet corner outside where the pressure from taxi drivers was not actually continuous.

Eventually, we were allowed onto the ship. Found our cabin and were reunited with our luggage. It was on the lower deck, near the bows, one of the few without a balcony. However, comfortable enough; nice TV screen, large bed and a good shower. Before we could begin settling in, we needed to attend a mandatory safety drill. This required turning up in the main lecture theatre wearing our life jackets. We were given a talk about abandoning ship, had a look at the lifeboats and listened to the disturbingly loud ships alarm. Finally, we could get to the bar and enjoy the sunset as we sailed from Bali.

Chambal 2

We got back to the lodge for lunch and Diane retreated to bed. An upset stomach. The scourge of all travellers. She’d been getting increasingly unwell all morning and now could not face an afternoon of running around fields hunting deer. Sometimes the best thing to do is stop eating for 24 hours and go to bed if you feel like it.

Me, the guide and a driver set off to find deer. Not deer, but antelope. Deer have antlers, antelope have horns. The guide explained this to me. I had to go look it up and fell into a small rabbit hole. What I now know is that deer have branching antlers that are shed yearly. Antelopes have permanent, unbranching horns (or pronghorns) that grow continuously. Female antelopes often have horns too. This answer is not complete without an explanation of the difference between horns and antlers. Both are bony headgear on ruminants. Horns have a permanent bone core covered in keratin (like fingernails) and grow continuously. Antlers are solid bone, shed and regrown yearly, initially covered in “velvet” skin. So, in summary:

  • Deer – antlers – shed annually – men only (apart from reindeer)
  • Antelope – horns – grow continuously – both sexes

What we were after had horns. In particular, we were after the Indian antelope or blackbuck. They were known to run around wild in the farmland not too far from our lodge.

Blackbuck are herbivores and graze on low grasses. Occasionally they will browse. Grazing is feeding on low-growing plants like grass. Browsing is eating higher vegetation such as leaves, shoots, and twigs from trees and shrubs.

We drove for about 30 minutes and then set off down some rough farm tracks apparently at random. The car stopped and my guide suggested we continue on foot. The driver settled down for a nap while the pair of us went off along the field boundaries. I think the guide may have been tipped off because just round the other side of a farmhouse we first spotted a small herd. One male and four smaller, lighter coloured females. They were quite a distance away, so we started stalking them.

Blackbucks can run up to 80 kmph. If they spooked, they could quickly vanish over the horizon. We moved slowly. Tried not to make any noise. Tried to keep some cover between us. It sort of worked. The herd never panicked. But at the same time, we never got closer than a field. They would graze for a while and look our way. Then, whenever it seemed we were making progress, they would up the pace for a short while and put another couple of fields between us.  Eventually we gave up. The light was starting to fade and we had made ourselves a good walk back to the car. While walking back, I spotted a buzzard perching in a tree. It was too far away for a good photograph but even so I thought it looked good in the evening sun.

Next morning, we were up quite early for the drive to Agra. Diane was feeling a lot better and managed a small breakfast. While sitting outside with our coffee after breakfast we noticed some bats hanging high in the trees. Indian flying fox, also known as the greater Indian fruit bat. At 1.6 kg they are India’s largest bat and one of the largest in the world. They are nocturnal and mostly eat fruit such as mangoes and bananas. We took a few pictures and then we were off to see the Taj again.

Chambal

The Chambal River is a tributary of the Yamuna River in Central and Northern India, and thus forms part of the drainage system of the Ganges. The Hindu epic Mahabharata refers to the Chambal River as originating from the blood of thousands of animals sacrificed by the King Rantideva. These days it is a safer place for animals. Established in 1982 as the National Chambal Sanctuary it has become important for the preservation of gharial, red-crowned roof turtle and Ganges River dolphin. We turned off the main road and were soon bouncing down a dirt track. Here we spotted a jackal. There were also cows.

Our guide explained that it was one of the cleanest rivers in India because people were not allowed to live along its banks. Further down the dirt track near a bridge we found a couple of tourist boats moored up. The set up appeared to consist of a small group of men living in a tent and taking tourists on the river. We clambered into the boat along with a guide, two helpers and the skipper. For the next couple of hours, we pottered along the river. Heading upstream at a snail’s pace, was all very gentle and peaceful. The river does not flow especially fast here and often had a glassy smooth surface.

The sanctuary has become a significant bird sanctuary. Many migrating birds stop of here on their way from Siberia and other places. I spotted a Black Winged Stilt, recognisable by its ludicrously long, thin red legs. A Greater Coucal and two types of kingfisher. As we made our way to the far side of the river, we started to see the crocodiles. A couple of muggers and a gharial. They like to sun themselves in the morning. We saw several gharials during the trip and some of them had their mouths open. I am not really sure why. They looked almost comical, showing off their teeth.

We disturbed a flock of bar-headed geese. This was a bit clumsy but hard to avoid. Managed to get some nice pictures of them flying. These birds are renowned for their incredible migratory journeys. The geese breed in Central Asia near mountain lakes and typically winter in South Asia. They fly over the Himalayan Mountains at up to 7,000m. To do this they have specialised haemoglobin to efficiently use the thin, freezing air at Himalayan altitudes.

More marsh (mugger) crocodiles and more gharials. These are quite shy. More nervous than you might expect from such an impressive mouthful of teeth. Often, as we got close to them, they would just quietly slip away. Disappearing into the river without a ripple. Male gharials develop a hollow bulbous nasal protuberance at the tip of the snout. This protuberance resembles an earthen pot known locally as “ghara”. It enables the males to emit a hissing sound that can be heard 75 m away, to attract females.

There were cows and rubbish. This is India. Cows and rubbish everywhere. To be fair, there was not an enormous amount of rubbish. The muggers like to lurk in the river with just their eyes and snout showing. To me, this looks wonderfully evil. Apparently, it is safe to swim with these crocodiles. They are not like the big salt-water crocs that will go for you. These are more likely to just move away if you get too close. I would need more convincing to actually test this theory.

On the way back, we spotted turtles. They had come out onto the mud to catch the sun. The larger ones, the first we saw, were Indian narrow headed softshell turtles. They have big, webbed feet and a funny nose. Looks like a little pipe on the front of their head. Next to these were a few red-crowned roof turtles. They had bright yellow and red markings. Possibly because they were male and it is the breeding season. Also known as the Bengal roof turtle, they are the most threatened turtle in India. Populations have now been drastically reduced due to poaching for their meat and shells, accidental drowning in fishing gear, water pollution, hydroelectric infrastructure projects and habitat destruction by sand mining. At the moment, the Chambal sanctuary is the only place they are protected.

On the last leg back to the bridge, one of the helpers on board produced a cold beer. This struck me as being an excellent way to finish the morning. I gave up trying to photograph twitchy birds and sat back to enjoy the beer. In the afternoon we were going deer hunting.

Bateshwar

We arrived at the Chambal Safari Lodge mid-afternoon. It had been a five hour drive from Lucknow. Apart from the Indian driving, it was uneventful. Our guide for the next couple of days introduced himself and then showed me some owls. Three of them, sat on a branch, having a snooze. Then we went to see an old village. I am not entirely sure why we went to see the old village. I think, a hundred years or so ago, the village was populated by some substantially wealthy people. They lived in big houses with gun slots. Slots that allowed you, or your servants, to shoot at the bandits when they came. Now the houses are all thoroughly dilapidated. Some of the smaller ones are still used by people that keep buffaloes.

Old village explored, we moved on to Bateshwar. Sometimes called the little Varanasi. Here, on the banks of the Yamuna River are over a hundred sandstone temples dedicated to Lord Shiva. This is quite an impressive site. The lodge own a small building at one of the temples. We could sit up on the roof and enjoy the scene as the sun set. Tea and biscuits were served.

While there was still a bit of light we had a wander round a market area at the back of the temples. I was seriously struck by how much rubbish there was. Occasionally, someone would brush up a little pile and then set fire to it. I am not sure this helped much. The burning plastic gives off noxious fumes which adds to the poor air quality. No body clears up the remains of the fire.

Coming back to the river at the end of the temples, we made our way along the water’s edge. More rubbish. This is a holy, sacred place. Apparently, the lord Shiva once sat under a Banyan tree here. So, very sacred. But they cannot keep it tidy. Even the river is filthy. Bits of paper and plastic. Used bags. Packaging. Food. Food containers. Used flowers. Bits of wire. Many, many unidentifiable pieces. It is an eyesore. To me, it shows a disrespect for the place. It is unequivocally unsanitary. It is just not nice but Indians appear to just not see it. Certainly they are not bothered about it.

Arrived back at the lodge well after dark. Then the naturalist guide collared me again and suggested we go looking for civet. This is a cat-like animal famous for eating coffee cherries. They then excrete the coffee beans which can be collected and roasted. Hopefully they get washed somewhere along the way as well. The beans are partially fermented in the gut of the civet and the resulting coffee, called kopi luwak, fetches the world’s highest price for coffee. This is not done commercially in India but there are intensive farms in Indonesia and the Philippines. Civets are kept in cruel conditions, packed into cages where they do not live for long. Capturing of wild civets is now starting to seriously threaten the natural population. All this is driven by money and the story, the fantasy, about being the very best tasting coffee. The reality is that kopi luwak is not an exceptional taste. Most coffee drinkers would not be able to recognise kopi luwak and the professional coffee tasters agree that the whole thing is just a gimmick. All we were going to do was try and take a photograph of a civet. The guide grabbed a light, I grabbed my camera and flashgun and we dived into the bushes that surround the lodge. Only took a few minutes and we found one. The guide shone his light and I brought my camera to bear. A simple photograph proved a bit tricky in the dense bushes and the civet was not going to sit still and wait for me. After about ten minutes I think the civet got a bit fed up of us interfering with its hunting, so it slipped away and vanished into the night.

Dinner was terrific. Vegetable biryani with an assortment of sauces. There was soup and a desert as well. Diane indulged in both. I had an extra portion of curry with some fantastic naan fresh out of a tandoor. Next day, we set off for the Chambal River. On the way, I tried to photograph a little more about village life in India. It is all too easy to focus on the special things, animals, buildings, temples and things like that but to miss the ordinary. Which is not ordinary in the greater context of the world. Uttar Pradesh is mostly Hindu. They regard cows as holy. The cow is traditionally identified as a caretaker and a maternal figure. Hindu society honours the cow as a symbol of unselfish giving, selfless sacrifice, gentleness and tolerance. Cattle and disrespect for slaughter is a part of their ethos and there is “no ahimsa without renunciation of meat consumption”. Ahimsa is the ancient Indian principle of nonviolence which applies to actions towards all living beings. It is a key virtue in Indian religions like Hinduism, Jainism, and Buddhism. This is why you see cows wandering around all over the place. Many households have buffalo. The milk is richer than cows. The pats are dried and used for fuel. The animals can pull a plough. Many households are small farmers. They grow most of their own food and sell the surplus on roadside stalls. Self-sufficiency is a fundamental of life.

Lucknow

We were dropped off at a very conventional Hyatt hotel. Nothing wrong with it but nothing very interesting either. We were met by a representative of the company dealing with our travel arrangements. He was very friendly. Sat us down. Took our passports to the check-in desk. Checked us in. Brought our passports back and said goodbye. This sort of thing happened a lot in India. It sometimes feels like they have an excess of people looking for something to do. In this case, it also took three porters to bring two cases up to our room. Two did the carrying and the other one just sort of organised things and explained our room to us. “Here is the bed. There is the bathroom”. In a way, it is all very nice and friendly but of course everyone is expecting a tip and it gets up my nose at times.

Nice morning I had an excellent masala cheese omelette with a dosa. This put me in a good mood for being dragged round some tourist sites. First stop was the La Martinière College, an elite educational institution established in 1845 by Major-General Claude Martin of the East India Company. Yes, he was French. Essentially, it was a vanity project. Martin was interred in a specially prepared vault in the basement of the house. Historian William Dalrymple described it as “The East India Company’s answer to the Taj Mahal”. The school is distinguished by being the only school in the world to have been awarded royal battle honours for its role in the defence of Lucknow and the Lucknow residency during the Indian Rebellion of 1857.

Next stop was the British Residency. The Rebellion of 1857 was a major uprising against the rule of the British East India Company, which functioned as a sovereign power on behalf of the British Crown. The flashpoint for the 1857 uprising is often associated with the introduction of the 1853 Enfield rifle-musket into the Bengal Army. These rifles used paper cartridges that were pre-greased to allow smooth loading. A soldier tore open the cartridge, traditionally with his teeth, before pouring the powder down the barrel. Rumours began circulating among the Indian soldiers, that the grease was derived from cow tallow, offensive to Hindus, and pig lard, offensive to Muslims. This caused deep alarm. Biting the cartridge became a violation of religious practice. The Rebellion was also called First War of Indian Independence. These things often depend on whose side you favour. The British Residency was the focus of the siege of Lucknow from June 1857 until the city was abandoned after the second relief in November. Many stories emerged from the incident including tales of bravery and the greatest number of Victoria Crosses ever awarded in a single day. What we could see of it were a series of old buildings in various states of disrepair and peppered with bullet and cannon shot damage.

We went down to the river. Here they dye material and make clothing for weddings and other ceremonies. Diane was strangely interested in this. The final stage is washing. This starts in a plastic lined hole in the riverbank and ends with rinsing and beating the fabric in the river water. How something so clean looking can come out of such a filthy river is slightly beyond me. A big area next to the river is reserved for hundreds of cloths lines where the fabric and clothing dry. The people that do all the washing live in a slum just behind this.  

Our guide took us to a large shopping area. We began the tour with a view from the rooftops. I found this rather interesting and amused myself by trying to take videos of the traffic on a roundabout. In just a few minutes you could spot just about every rule of the road being broken here. The great thing is that nobody seems to mind. They just smile and get on with it.

Back down in the crowded streets we saw the next stages in the clothing processes. Chowk, the city’s oldest market, is famous for its Chikan Embroidery (white on white) workshops. Wooden blocks are used to mark a pattern onto the material. The patterns are ancient. Some are handed down within a single family. Many of the wooden blocks are similarly ancient. Up to 500 years old we were told. After the pattern is marked with ink the material goes to the next shop where it is embroidered by hand. The process continues. Many shops all along the street which together form a production line. The street is like a big factory. It is messy, crowded, disorganised and noisy but nonetheless it works and has been working for generations.

After this we visited an area making perfumes. Came dangerously close to slipping into a carpet shop there. Diane was assured that not only could they make Channel No5 but that this was genuine product, much better and fantastic value for money. The only problem was that the proffered oil did not smell too nice. In another area people mostly appeared to be threading flowers to make necklaces and other arrangements. Our energy levels were dropping. There were several buildings with interesting architecture but their stories went in one ear and out of the other. Rather, I ended up wondering how anyone ever made any sense of all the wires and cables strung above the road. We passed another market for second hand clothing. By market, I mean a lot of people sitting on the side of the road. Finally we returned to the haven of our hotel. I was feeling much more appreciative of the cool, quiet and reassuringly dull hotel by then.

Dudwha 2

Our last morning in Dudwha began, as usual, very early. Not only was it chilly but also quite misty. First bird we spotted was a Jungle Owlet. I have seen a couple of these before, but this was the first time we saw one awake. That is how early in the morning it was. Very cute but just looks like a stuffed toy when snoozing. I also stalked a parakeet. There are a lot of these around, but they are small and hard to photograph. Tend to be a bit shy and fly off in groups if you get too close.

We pressed on deeper into the forest. There were very few other cars around. Nice and peaceful. Saw a stonechat, a snakebird, a heron and a racket tailed drongo. Another bird we had seen quite a few times but usually hiding deep inside the foliage of a tree. A spotted deer crossed our path looked very quiet and calm.

We came across a few wild boar and then spotted a tiger. Just like that. Again, it was down a track where were not allowed. We watched for a few moments and then it stepped into the jungle and disappeared. Our guide suggested we drive round to a water hole. It was heading roughly in that direction so might have been going for a drink. We got to the small man-made lake and she was already sitting in pond lapping at the water. As ever, she seemed quite unconcerned about our presence although she looked directly at us a few times. Then she calmly climbed out, had a last look around and vanished into the undergrowth. That was the end of our visit to Dudwha but a great note to finish on.

Katarniaghat

Katarniaghat Wildlife Sanctuary, Kishanpur Wildlife Sanctuary and Dudwha National Park together form the Dudwha Tiger Reserve. We were scheduled to drive to Kishanpur but first I had to do some cooking. Somehow, a message had arrived at Jaagir Manor that I wanted a cooking lesson. After a brief discussion, the owner offered to show me how to make stuffed paratha. I felt that I should not refuse. Straight after breakfast, everything was rolled outside for the lesson and a small audience assembled. The owner was not going to show me himself; he had chefs for that sort of thing. He was, however, going to video proceedings to use on his website. I smiled and hoped I would not drop things on the floor. They equipped me with an apron, plastic gloves and a hat. Paratha is an unleavened bread. The stuffing is a mix of potato and spices. Most of this was already prepared. My job was to wrap some dough around a spoonful of potato mix, roll it out and fry it. Two chefs showed me what to do and carefully scrutinised my cooking. Fortunately, nothing bad happened and we ended up with some nicely cooked stuffed paratha. I was quite pleased with the results.

We ate the parathas for a light lunch and then headed back to Dudwha. Kishanpur was cancelled because it was quite a long drive and no tigers had been seen there for many days. Not long after we arrived at Dudwha we spotted a tiger way off down one of the closed tracks. It soon vanished and we set off in a direction to try and head it off. Coming round a corner we saw one of the other cars. They had spotted the tiger. It was off to one side of the track but they were hoping it might come out. We stopped nearby and waited quietly. Then our guide saw some movement and pointed. I trained my camera on the bushes but could not see anything other than wood and foliage. For several minutes everyone held their breath and peered into the undergrowth. Then something very strange happened to me. The leaves, branches, patches of light and shadows just sort of assembled themselves into the visage of a tiger. It felt rather weird. A random pattern became a picture. I realised that not only could I see the face of the tiger but that it was quite close and looking straight at me. If I had not been safely in a vehicle the moment would have been quite terrifying revelation. There is a saying amongst the guides that for every time you spot a tiger, it has seen you a thousand times. I took a photograph and then it vanished again.

Next day was a short boat trip at Katarniaghat. The normal early morning start got us to the park entrance just after sunrise. The route down to the river took us past several ponds. We stopped to watch the snakebirds fishing. They do not have waterproof feathers and often look quite bedraggled after they have been in the water. A fish eagle flew past carrying a branch with some leaves. Possibly it was building a nest.

Further on, we got to the river and our boat. It was only quite small. Diane and I got in along with the helmsman, a deckhand, our driver, our local guide and a river guide. Bit of a party but that is how it tends to work in India. Even when one person is sufficient, at two will come along. There are a lot of people in India. Despite being classed as a sub-continent, a population of 1.4 billion is an awful lot of people. One in six of the world’s population are Indian. On the ground, it always feels like there are a lot of people around. A lot of people and a lot of rubbish. As we set, we could see a village across the far side of the river. There was rubbish. Plastic, paper, glass, food waste, clothing, all sorts. This right on the edge, or possibly inside, a national park. At times I wanted to will some of the many, many people that we saw just sitting around to go clear some of the rubbish up.

A little further upriver we came across crocodiles. This was mostly what we had come to see. Marsh crocodiles are also called Mugger crocodiles. I like this name. With a broad snout and a powerful shoulders, they squat low to the ground as if they are waiting to mug something. Along side the muggers were some Gharial crocodiles. Slightly odd-looking reptiles. A long, thin snout with a fine collection of distinct, spikey teeth for catching fish. Not as powerful looking as the muggers. Gharials used to be common across the whole of India. Unfortunately, they are sensitive to pollution and by 1976, its global range had decreased to only 2% of its historical range. Fewer than 200 gharials survived. They are now protected and work is underway to try and clean up some of the rivers. There are still only 1,000 gharials in the wild. These days they are considered a good indicator of the quality of the river water.

We turned into a small tributary with rich, dense vegetation on both sides. The leaves rustled and there was trumpeting. Elephants. We could hardly see them. Just the top of their heads above the green fronds. Then, briefly, there was a small parting in the leaves and a big head was looking down at us. This was all quite exciting. I was hoping we could stay and watch the rest of the herd for a while. Unfortunately, our skipper announced time was up and so we headed back.

Right next to the basic dock that the boat used was a small crocodile breeding facility. Here they are breeding Gharials, Muggers and  Spotted turtles. We had to peer through a metal mesh to see the animals and it was tricky to take photos. They were, however, extraordinarily cute. The smaller ones only 10 cm long. Hopefully they can look forward to a better future than their predecessors.

On the track back we spotted a few more interesting birds including a Crested Serpent Eagle. It just sat in a tree looking very aloof and stared at us.

A somewhat dilapidated observation tower gave us a last look across the wetlands.  

Dudwha

We left the Jungle Retreat next morning and drove to the Dudwha national park. Quite a long drive that took us most of the day. Evening was closing in when we arrived. Jaagir Manor is a similar setup to Jim’s. Accommodation is in several lodges spread around a site with a pool and restaurant complex at the centre. Our lodge was bigger than many houses I have lived in. As well as a large bedroom and bathroom there were also three other rooms. Each one a sort of lounge although we never worked what to do in them. One had a kettle which was nice for making tea. The other two we just looked at and walked through occasionally.

Dudhwa National Park is 490 km2 of reserve in the Terai belt of marshy grasslands of northern Uttar Pradesh where it borders Nepal. Established in 1958 as a wildlife sanctuary for swamp deer it is now home to a wide range of creatures including tiger, leopard, sloth bear, elephant and rhino. Our introduction began, as was becoming normal, at 5:30am with a chilly drive down to the nearest park entrance. Our driver and guide was attached to Jaagir Manor but we still needed to take a local guide on board when we entered the park. Once in the park, our driver explained that we needed get to a certain place for the best chance to see tigers. We would have to hurry. With this he shot off at break-neck speed along the dusty, bumpy track.

You cannot hear very well when charging along a dirt road. We needed to stop regularly to listen for alarm calls. One stop was by a lake where we spotted a mugger crocodile. In the morning, they haul out onto land to warm up with the sun. Crocodiles are cold blooded. They need to warm up to be able to move and hunt effectively.

A little further on, our car crunched to halt by a seldom used and roped off track. There, in the far distance was a tiger. We could barely see it. Just then, two other vehicles arrived. The tiger looked around and then vanished into the forest.

The vehicles all split up and we continued the search. Following another vehicle is not nice because you get covered with dust and cannot see anything. Much of the reserve, possibly most of it, is not accessible. It is genuinely reserved for the animals. Only limited numbers of vehicle are allowed each day and only in specified areas.

Looking to the right, up a side track, we spotted two other safari vehicles. They were stopped and the occupants were standing up looking at something in roughly our direction. Our driver stopped the car and we waited quietly for a while. Then a full-grown Bengal Tiger simply stepped out of the undergrowth by the side of the road between us and the other vehicles. There was no rustling of bushes or squawking of birds. He was just there. Quiet and deadly. Apparently without a care, he turned and started walking down the road towards us. This was a magnificent thing to behold and I was torn between looking through my camera and just enjoying the experience. He only walked a short distance before stepping across to the other side of the road, strolling through some grass and vanishing into the bushes again. Then our driver explained that we were late for leaving the park in the morning so we would have to drive very fast. If we got to the gate after it had been closed there would be a fine.

After lunch, we set off in the hope of seeing rhinos. Rhinos are even older than crocodiles. 5 million years or more. There were rhinos when dinosaurs roamed the earth. They survived the asteroid and many cycles of glaciation and warming. Man has pushed them to them to the brink of extinction in a mere century. To see them we would need to access a smaller area within the main reserve. Our driver was very keen that we should be one of the first car into the park. We set off early and were, in fact, the first in the queue. When the gate was opened for the afternoon we then needed to rush to the second gate to get into the rhino area where only two cars were allowed. This was on a first come, first served basis. It was oddly reminiscent of a Bruce Springsteen concert I attended several years ago. Queue up early at the main gate and then dash across the arena to be one of the first into the mosh pit. This for a close-up view of an ancient animal doing the same thing it has done for endless years. Pole position at the gate and some furious off-road driving was rewarded with prime access to the rhino enclosure. Our driver waved at the unlucky latecomers with a distinct “eat my dust” expression on his face.

Inside the enclosure we still had to find the rhinos. This proved to be much easier than chasing tigers. Rhinos are bigger, and slower and much easier to spot. We found a mother with a youngster. They took no notice of us at all. We left after a few photographs and went to see what else we could find.

Late afternoon is a good time for spotting birds. Heading back to the main reserve, we spotted two more rhino in a lake but far in the distance. We stopped off to see some working elephants. It was feeding time.

Further along the road we climbed a watchtower to look at a herd of deer in some wetlands. The light was beginning to fade. This makes photography difficult. My camera is pretty good in low light but at a certain point the images start to become very grainy.

Corbett 2

We set off for yet another section of the reserve. This one even further away. We needed to pass through a couple of villages on the way. Driving in India is like nothing I have ever experienced before. I can still recall the first time I drove round the Arc du Triumph in Paris. It felt like the wild west. In Marrakesh, we had traffic streaming on both sides of the truck and in both directions. In Lima I saw vehicles short-cutting a roundabout by going the wrong direction and using the pavement. None of this prepared me for India. Here is road life without rules. There are rules but nobody takes any notice of them. Just drive where you want. And use your horn. A lot. Every manoeuvre is a game of chicken. Never give way. Except possibly at the very last moment and then only by millimetres while sounding your horn. Pulling out across a highway with four lanes of traffic bearing down on you? – just go for it, most of them will give way. Motorbikes will always go through any gap even if you are driving into it.  Tuk-tuks will try. On roundabouts, priority goes to the bravest with the best horn. Use whichever direction has most space. Two vehicles confronting each other head on is not uncommon on roundabouts and elsewhere. We stopped at a level crossing. By the time the train had passed both sides of both roads were choked with traffic. Four lanes of vehicles all driving straight at each other. That took some serious sorting out and a lot of horn blowing. Driving is a full-body contact sport. All vehicles bear numerous scars and nobody stops for anything less than a serious injury. Don’t come whining about a dint in your front wing. You need to be a much better driver to survive here. Seriously. In the UK everyone follows the rules and pootles along in their own little world occasionally reacting to something that gets in the way. You would last mere seconds driving like that here. In India you need to be planning and watching, seriously watching, in all directions at once. Relying on anyone doing anything is to invite a collision. There is no right of way. Anyone can and will turn in front of anyone else at any time. Most drivers manage this while also using their mobile phone. Motorbikes typically carry three people. Can be up to six, in which case at least two will be infants. Tuk-tuks may contain eight or more grown adults. And there are cows. Cows are holy and must be avoided. They are allowed to wander however and wherever they want. Even on motorways and sometimes in big gangs.  Also, some of them are very big and have horns. The sharp, pointy kind of horn. Do not pick an argument. You will lose. There may also be monkeys, pedestrians, cyclists, men on donkeys, horse drawn carts, people pushing carts, people just having a chat and people trying to sell you stuff. All directions, all vehicles, all at once. To be a good driver you need three good things: a good horn, good brakes and good luck. It is terrific fun.

After a half hour transfer, the calm nature reserve with elephants, tigers and leopards was a place to relax. Today we focussed on tigers. None seen yesterday so this time our guide was more determined. As far as I can tell, and I am a serious novice at this, there is no way you can spot a tiger in the undergrowth or grass. They are just too well naturally disguised. There appear to be two basic techniques the guides use. The first is to listen for the alarm calls of deer and monkeys. The second is to go to where everyone else is parked up. If you are near a tiger, stop the vehicle and hope it will come onto the road.

First thing we saw was an elephant. A big old working elephant with two people riding it. I thought it must be rather grand riding on top of such a large beast. I think it was a female, no tusks. Hopefully it had a happy life. We also saw a barking deer, some spotted deer, some termite mounds and the elephant people heading home again. Then it was back to Jungle Jim’s for a late breakfast.  

In the afternoon our guide was determined to find a tiger. We were back in the closest section of the reserve but this did not help. We saw a jackal with some sort of skin problem. Looked to me like mange mites. We saw another tusker, some birds including a woodpecker, some deer and a vulture. No tigers to be seen anywhere. I cheered the tiger for being so elusive although a small glimpse would have been nice. Tigers or not, it was still lovely driving around the reserve and seeing the enormous range of flora and fauna.

In the evening, was another fire pit, and a documentary about Himalayan brown bears. Such a bear may well have been Kipling’s inspiration for Baloo in the Jungle Book. Note that the Jungle Book is a book. Not a cartoon by Disney. Get that out of your mind (although the music is pretty good). If you have not read the Jungle Book, then you should. Another terrific meal and then we retired for our last night at Jungle Jim’s.

Corbett

Jim Corbett, an Anglo-Indian, was born in 1875. A second-generation descendant of Irish immigrants, he lived in Northern India where he worked for the railway companies. In his spare time, he hunted man-eating tigers. A fine hobby for a fit, young man. Across India, as many as a thousand people were killed by tigers and big cats each year. The Champawat tiger, which killed over 430 people in Nepal and India, was Jim’s first man-eater which he shot in 1907. He went on to shoot many more and wrote books about his exploits. As he got older, he became one of the first conservationists. He wrestled with the conflict between his love of the forest and killing forest animals. From 1920 onwards he became increasingly interested in photography. Corbett was fascinated by the work of his acquaintance Frederick Champion, who devised ways of recording tigers on cine film. Jim soon came to appreciate that unlike a trophy, which soon loses its colour and elegance, photographs lasted forever, did not result in an animal’s death, and required somewhat greater skill—because the early cameraman had to get much closer than the rifleman. In 1934 Corbett was instrumental in establishing India’s first national park. Over 300 square kilometres of forest in the Ramganga river valley. In 1957, it was renamed the Jim Corbett National Park.

Our residence was delightfully named Jim’s Jungle Retreat. The general area around here is what I would call a forest rather than a jungle. However, at the retreat, they have made a big effort to plant it up like a jungle. Gravel paths flanked by lush vegetation wind their way between the lodges and the pool/dining area. Gravel is used to ensure that nobody inadvertently sneaks up on any visiting animals. Leopards and tigers have been filmed by the lodge.

We arrived late afternoon. The resident naturalist introduced himself and then took us on a walk round the site. The kitchen gardens were extensive. We saw many things growing that were new to me. Okra, turmeric and others. I took a fresh lime from the small orchard of trees. Later, I squeezed the juice and mixed it with gin. This was remarkably satisfying and very tasty.

At Vanghat, we walked everywhere. Here it was all motorised. Much less effort but also felt nowhere near as close to nature. We still began early in the morning. It was cold and we had not had any breakfast. We sat in the back of an open-air Mahindra. An Indian AWD vehicle similar to a Jeep. With the wind in our face, it was very cold. For the first time in months, I needed a sweater and a jacket. A short drive took us to the park entrance. Here we needed to queue until the official opening time. A few vendors tried to sell us hats and t-shirts, but their heart was not in it. Still too early and chilly.

We finally got into the park, along with a handful of other visitors, all in regulation jeeps. The vehicles soon split up and went in different directions. The pattern for the next couple of days was soon established. Diane had the binoculars. I had my camera. The guide sat next to the driver. Occasionally the guide would spot something. The car would stop. I would attempt to photograph the thing that was spotted and Diane would observe it though the binoculars. We saw birds. An awful lot of birds. I do not know enough about birding to say whether they were rare or special. However, some of them were very cute, or colourful, or both. There are a lot of peafowl around. That is one I knew. The peacock is the national bird of India. We typically would see a group of one peacock with three or four peahens.

The sun came up and very quickly thawed us out. By 10am we were back at the lodge and very ready for breakfast. The food was great. Massala cheese omelette served on a stuffed paratha is becoming my new favourite breakfast. After breakfast, we went back to bed. We had been up since before 5am and had a second safari scheduled for the afternoon.

Early afternoon and we did the same thing again. This time it was warmer. We also visited a different area of the nature reserve. Tigers are the big draw of this nature reserve. All the guides assume that visitors mostly want to see tigers. Other animals and birds are incidental although their warning calls could help us find tigers. Hopes were high of a tiger sighting for the afternoon. We crossed a bridge and saw two Langur monkeys licking the wall. They like the salt that leaches out of the bricks.

Further on, we came across an elephant. A male elephant with large tusks. Locals call this a “tusker”. It was stood in the middle of the track throwing dust over its back. We stopped well back and watched. The tusker was picking up a shovelful of dust from the track and flicking it over its back. The layer of dust acts as a natural sunscreen, protecting their sensitive skin from sunburn in hot climates. It also creates a barrier that deters biting insects like mosquitoes and helps to get rid of parasites and other skin irritants.

While we were watching, a sloth bear slipped across the road in the distance. Sloth bears have nothing to do with sloths. They are a black bear, 100 kg, shaggy fur. Quite a rare sighting and I completely failed to get a photograph of it. We left the tusker to its dust bath and headed off in another direction. Many classic great vultures were flying along a riverbed. I managed to get a few pictures. A few spotted deer and a wild boar later, we came across a whole heard of elephants walking away from us.

Back at the lodge we found that it was film night by the pool. Several couples were sitting around, each with a personal fire pit. We took our seats and watched a documentary about Jim Corbett. We also watched some footage from trail cameras that are dotted around the lodges. The previous night, a leopard had walked past. Very exciting. Dinner, as usual in India, was excellent.  We made sure to crunch the gravel path loudly on the way back to our room.

Vanghat

We were back in Delhi and the city was as polluted as ever. Rubbish everywhere and a smog that you could cut with a knife. I learned that the reported Air Quality Index (AQI) is capped at 500. So, officially, it can never be higher than 500. The morning we left, the AQI was just a shade under 500. Looking out across the city, the limited view was like a heavy and slightly yellowed fog had rolled in. It was a long drive to the Vanghat safari lodge but we were quite happy to put plenty of distance between us and the smog.

Early-afternoon we met Sumatha Ghosh, owner of Vanghat Lodge at a small village for lunch. He explained what we would be doing and drove with us for an hour or so until we arrived at a pedestrian suspension bridge. The car could go no further. We were prepared for this and had packed everything we needed for a few days into our two smallest cases. Fortunately, there were some young, strong men to carry them for us. One of the most remote wildlife lodges in Northern Indian forests, Vanghat is an internationally acclaimed eco-lodge located on a secluded bank of the Western Ramganga River deep inside Kalagarh Tiger Reserve division of the Corbett Tiger Reserve. Crossing the bridge felt like the start of a small adventure. We had a bit of a hike to the lodge where were going to stay in a mud hut. We left the main track and descended down to the river on a small footpath. It was easy going and we took our time while Sumatha pointed out various birds. He clearly had a passion for birding.

After a steady walk of half an hour or so we got to the river crossing. This was a small raft attached to a rope stretched across the river. A little care was needed getting on and off the bamboo platform. In all other respects a perfectly effective way to cross a river. Each year the monsoon raises the river level by many metres making a more permanent bridge quite impractical. A little further beyond the raft brought us to a gate through a high electric fence. This was mostly to keep elephants out simply because they can inadvertently cause so much damage. Tigers on the other hand could easily leap over the fence. We were assured this was unlikely to happen. Finally, we arrived at the lodge just as it got dark.

Our room was quite nice. Mud was used in its construction but it was not the kind of circular thatched affair I had imagined. We had a nice bed and some of the usual facilities except for hot water. That arrived later in a large bucket. Dinner was made, in part, from plants found around the lodge. It was excellent. Then it was an early night ready for a start before sunrise in the morning.

A cup of masala chai and we were off at first light, literally. Soon as it was light enough to see we were trudging off along the riverbank. Further along the valley we came to another raft. We hopped onto this like old hands.  From here the path looped quite steeply up away from the river. Like the previous day, we stopped frequently to look at birds and other things. There were termite mounds all over the place. A sign of a healthy forest apparently.

We came across some tiger tracks. Fresh from the day before. We also found elephant dung. This is easy to spot. It is enormous. No special skills required to identify where elephants have been. A couple of hours drifted past pleasantly and then we arrived at a waterfall. Time for breakfast. More masala tea, hard boiled eggs and wraps with curried vegetables. A variety of birds were flying around the waterfall. Sumatha pointed them out and I mostly failed to photograph them. It was dark in the gulley where the birds were flitting around. And they were very small. That is my excuse.

Breakfast done, we walked back the same way. We spotted a few more birds and an enormous spider. After a light lunch we grabbed a couple of hours sleep. Then it was another walk but this time staying quite close to the lodge. Back just as night was falling. We sat around a fire pit munching freshly cooked pakora and listened to the forest sounds. The alarm call of a Barking Deer alerted the guide to the presence of a tiger. It never came near the lodge but later on we heard its deep roar. Much more exciting than piped music while we were eating dinner.

The next day also started before sunrise. by first light we were crossing on the bamboo raft. This time we headed quite steeply up the side of the valley. The path became narrow and quite precipitous. A steep, loose slope to the river. To my surprise, we found elephant droppings. Despite their great size, elephants are extremely capable on steep mountainsides. An hour further down track we came across tiger prints. A mother with a cub we were assured. Shortly after this we stopped for breakfast.

A long steady climb uphill brought us to a village. We were met on the outskirts by an older villager who was going to show us around. First, he told us that a mother tiger with two cubs had been spotted very close to the village the night before. The village was quite interesting. Lots of kitchen gardens and an impressive spread of plants that can be grown. Everything from potatoes to mangoes. Our guide also showed us the village cannabis plants. Not for smoking but they did make little balls from the leaves that then went into the cooking. We sat around and drank some masala chai with biscuits. Finally, we walked down to the roadhead and met up with our car ready to take us to the next jungle lodge.

Varanasi

When we arrived back at the train we found that the platform was packed with people. Apparently, a train had been delayed. Without making a fuss, everyone just settled down to wait it out. Most people seemed quite prepared with food and blankets. Some chose to have a snooze while others served out food. Small groups sat around with some chai having a chat. Fortunately our train was waiting for us. Jumping on, we had a party to prepare for.

Indian night on the train meant dressing up and dancing. Two of my least favourite things. On the positive side it also meant eating and drinking which are two of my more favourite things. Diane had a sari to wear. Essentially this is a length of cloth which is wrapped around the body to form a dress. There are over eighty documented ways to wear a sari. We did not know any of them. It was fortunate that one of the hosts on the train was prepared for this. In less that five minutes and with a couple of safety pins, Diane was dressed. I was given some pyjamas. Actually, traditional men’s wear. Comfortable but sufficiently pyjama-esque as to remind me of childhood dreams where I would find myself at a school lesson still in my night wear. Re-wrapping the turban was beyond me but fortunately help was at hand. With that, we were ready to party.

We met up with Jo and Franki, two women with an enthusiastic sense of humour that were travelling together. There was dancing which I avoided but there was no stopping Diane, Jo and Franki. Quite a few of the people that worked on the train were more than keen for a jig so before long the whole end of the bar carriage was hopping. I took a few photos and then retreated behind the safety of the bar. Things eventually calmed down when dinner was served. For once, we did not have to be up at a silly early time so we could relax and chat a bit later than normal. Diane also took the opportunity to be photographed with the barman, our new best friend, and her favourite, valet who I suspect she would have liked to take home with her.

Before we arrived at Varanasi, we made a stop at Sarnath. Here are numerous ancient ruins, stupas, monasteries, and temples. Significant to Buddhism and other religions like Jainism and Hinduism. Dhamek Stupa marks the spot where the Buddha gave his first sermon in the deer park. This is one of the four sacred sites for Buddhist pilgrimages. I briefly pondered the problems of where the Buddha spoke becoming more important than what he said.

Then we visited another carpet shop. This one in the guise of a silk weaving factory. The old weaving machines were of some interest to me. They used cards to control the pattern that the loom would weave. At 250 years old, one of the earliest programable machines in the world. The sales pitch in the showroom was exceptionally good. Many of our fellow visitors walked out with a fortune in silk bed covers, cushion cases and the like. Diane and I however have built up a robust immunity to carpet shops now.

As evening fell, we arrived in Varanasi and were taken down to the Ganges. The holy river. This place has a central position in the traditions of pilgrimage, death, and mourning in the Hindu world. Many people come here to die. They can rent a flat or stay at a hospice once they feel their days are numbered.  

We got bundled onto a boat that was moored close to a road bridge. From here we motored upstream. The boat had a top deck with chairs. The lower deck was reserved for a disturbingly young and inexperienced looking lad who was steering and wrestling with the noisy engine. I was a bit concerned as to how stable this arrangement was and tried not to think about it. The river may be holy but it is also filthy. Thousands come here to bathe each day but I really did not fancy an unplanned dip. The river used to be way worse. A serious stink from sewage and all the dead people that are tipped into it. Today, it does not smell too bad but is still a suspicious colour.

The river is lined with buildings and steps. Many, many steps so that there is room for everyone to get down to the water to bathe. We passed old, fortress like buildings and others completely adorned by strings of lights. We arrived at the burning place. Manikarnika Ghat is where funeral rites and cremations take place continuously. This ancient practice is considered a path to salvation, freeing the soul from the cycle of birth and death. The cremation fires burn day and night. Bodies are laid out on open-air pyres. There is constant chanting.

Further on, we came across some sort of ceremony. I have no idea what it was. There were thousands of people crowded onto the steps and into the streets behind. We watched for a while. The tourist boats jostled with each other to try and get a good viewpoint. Just like the car drivers, they thought nothing of deliberately ramming another vehicle. My concerns about the boat’s stability surfaced again. Ultimately, nothing bad happened. I never learnt what the ceremony was about. We headed back and landed safely.

Next day we were done with the train. End of our journey on the Maharajas Express. It was fun for the most part. What I found lacking was the absence of any real progress. We never travelled too far each day. When the train moved, it was usually at night. The experience, for me, was more of a mobile hotel than a luxury journey.

That evening we went into Old Delhi with a local guide in search of food. Street food. Brilliant stuff and ubiquitous. But there is a lot to be said about having someone with a bit of knowledge who can guide you to the good places with the safe food. We began with samosas from a little corner shop that has been trading, selling the same type of samosa, for over 150 years. They were good. Deep fried pastries filled with peas and spices. At the next stop we had fried potatoes with a spicy tamarind sauce. There was a small echo of chips with brown sauce but this was so, so much better. The evening went on like this. Wandering around the incredibly crowded streets occasionally stopping for snack or a cup of chai. We really enjoyed it and came back feeling really well fed.

The following evening, we attended a cooking class. Just us and a wonderful chef called Neha Gupta. Diane decided to step back and take a few photos. I love to cook but can only think of one time, many years ago, where anyone tutored me. Turned out to be fine. I found myself really enjoying it. Spicy paratha. Previously, I had an inkling as to how these were made but it is so much easier to have someone show you precisely. Rotis got finished off on the flames. This puffs them up into balls. Another small revelation. We also made paneer makhani and I discovered how to get that authentic smoky flavour. This involves burning charcoal inside the cooking pot. One day I will really impress someone with that one. Finally, we sat down with our host and ate all the food with a glass of beer. Terrific way to spend an evening.

We got back to our hotel quite late and discovered a bomb had gone off in Old Delhi. At least 15 people were killed and 20 seriously injured. It was a car bomb. Definitely a terrorist attack although responsibility to a specific group has not been declared yet. Big, homemade explosive in car with at least two suicidal occupants. The previous night, at about the same time in the evening, we had been dropped off there. At the lights, outside the Red Fort. The exact spot where the bomb went off. This was very disturbing. Obviously, we were shocked and saddened for all the people killed and injured. I don’t think it scared us or made us worry about our safety. Reality is these things happen very rarely. It did make the incident feel very real in a way that just reading of an event in the news does not.

Orchha

The evening after visiting the Taj, we went to a show. This was a very Indian show of the story of the Taj Mahal. Lots of dancing and bad acting. It was not particularly good. The focal point of the whole show was a scale model of the Taj. Clearly a lot of work had gone into the remarkably detailed construction. It was impressive. Not impressive enough to save the show but a good effort. No photographs allowed.

During the night the train sneaked down the track to Orchha. In the morning, we were whisked off to Orchha Fort in tuk-tuks. This was one of those situations where we lost contact with the guide completely. I mean, we tried to follow him but he was noticeably quiet with a strong Indian accent. I just could not work out what he was saying at all.

Work was started on Orchha Fort in 1501. Various by successive Maharajas expanded it over the following 150 years. Ultimately, it was abandoned in 1783. Left to our own devices, we wandered around at random. There were a lot of impressive carvings. I particularly liked the elephants used to hold things up.

The surrounding countryside seemed especially jungle like. This gave a wonderful feel to the place. A lost fort deep in the dark forest. We found several buildings. All quite similar and all echoing an age of opulence. Off to one side, was a high-ceilinged stone shed originally constructed to home camels. Inside we found some cows.

Back into the tuk-tuks we went off to see a traditional village. I found this a bit weird. It was, sort of, a traditional village but one that had set itself up to receive scores of tourists. There were a few visits and talks. I was impressed by a potter working on the floor outside a house. He span a heavy stone wheel balanced on a point by using a stick. Once the great lump of heavy stone was spinning like a gyroscope, he proceeded to throw small clay pots and cups on it. Impressive skills.

Back on the train for lunch we proceeded to Khajuraho. This is one of the most popular tourist destinations in India. The country’s largest group of medieval Hindu and Jain temples are here. They are famous for their erotic sculptures and are listed as a UNESCO World Heritage Site. We arrived there late afternoon and were shown round by a particularly boring guide. I could understand him fine. He just didn’t seem to have anything interesting to say.

Most of the Khajuraho temples were built between 885 CE and 1000 CE by the Chandela dynasty. By the 12th century, there were around 85 temples although only 25 now survive. The complex was forgotten and overgrown by the jungle. Their “discovery” was in 1838. Captain Burt, a British engineer, visited the complex and reported his findings in the Journal of the Asiatic Society of Bengal.

Again, we ended up wandering around on our own. There are a lot of temples here. We just focussed on the most famous one. The walls are covered with intricate carvings depicting many types of human behaviour. Some quite lewd. While they are famous for their erotic sculpture, sexual themes cover less than 10% of the temple sculpture. The erotic scene panels are neither prominent nor emphasized at the expense of the rest. They are in proportional balance with the non-sexual images. It was fun to spend a while spotting the X-rated carvings. Eventually, the sun was setting and it was too dark for photographs. We headed back to the train for an “Indian Evening”. More of that in the next post.

Ranthambore

It was a 5am start. Never my favourite. However, we were off to see some animals and it is often the case that dawn is the best time to spot stuff. Ranthambore National Park is 500 square miles of protected land to the SE of Rajasthan. We were collected from the train in open top small trucks. Sixteen people to a truck. We had a reasonable view and I was pleased that I did not have to try to photograph through a window. It had been raining overnight. Serious, heavy rain that I could hear bouncing off the roof of the train. Only just stopped by the time we set off. The roads were muddy with large puddles. The air felt cleaner and fresh. A blessed relief from the smog of Delhi and the people smells in the crowded train.

A short drive took us the park entrance. With very little discussion, by India standards, we were allowed in. Each of the trucks from the train headed off in different directions. The park is divided into sectors. Trucks are allocated a sector to visit. This is to prevent overcrowding in specific areas, I think. We bounced along for a kilometre or so and finally got clear of the rubbish. India is a big rubbish dump. I do not want to sound too rude about this but there is rubbish everywhere. Every street, every river, along the rail tracks. Absolutely all over the place. I guess the locals become so used to it that they stop seeing it anymore. Just seems like a part of life. Fortunately for the wildlife in the park things are a bit more controlled.

We passed a couple of small lakes and spotted some crocodiles. They lurked in the still water with only the tops of their heads and their eyes above the water. Crocodiles are an ancient species. Millions of years before a human ever used a club as a tool, they were prowling and waiting in rivers. Perfectly evolved for their environment. They float quietly until prey get too close. With an incredible burst of primal power, they grab the animal and drag it down to a dark, watery grave. Birds too. Marsh crocodiles have been observed using branches and leaves on their heads as lures. The bird come down to collect some nesting material. By the time the hapless heron realises its mistake the jaws of death are closing around it. Clever and patient the crocodile watches us.

Signs on the truck advise passengers not to get off within the park. Crocodiles might snack on a tourist. So would the Bengal Tigers that the park is famous for. We were told it was unlikely we would see a tiger. Naturally this does not put anyone off hoping to catch a glimpse. Also, monkeys can be a problem. They will not eat you but they might steal your sunglasses or a hat or your camera.

Birdlife is abundant. The Rufous Treepie is bright and colourful. It is a type of crow. Usually, we do not like crows and do not photograph them. This one however looked lovely and took a piece of cake out of Diane’s hand. Red-wattled Lapwings were common along the lakeshores. Nice snack size for a crocodile. We saw several small groups of Great Thick-knee Curlew. Quite a few Peacocks were running around and I spotted an Indian Darter (snakebird) showing off in a tree. I hope this all sounds like I know what I am talking about. The reality is more to do with Google.

There was also White-throated Kingfisher which I identified correctly as being the bird on the label of Kingfisher Beer. Later we spotted a White-breasted Waterhen with outrageously big feet. There was a heron of some sort and whole bunch of Yellow-footed Green Pigeons. Again, normally, no-one wants a pigeon photograph. These, however, were cheerful and cute. Very pretty. Monkeys as well. Grey Langurs were the only ones I could identify. Considered sacred in some areas.

Then our driver got a radio call and we were told to sit down and hang on. There was the possibility of a tiger. The calm, gentle pottering along tracks suddenly turned into a competitive off-road event. Frankly, this was not a great vehicle for muddy tracks. Two-wheel drive and balding tyres. Our driver was not put off however. He slammed the gearbox crunching through gears while we swung perilously round corners. Mud and water sprayed everywhere. We all tried to hold onto something. There were involuntary communal groans when we hit a bump. The suspension had given up trying many years before. But driving like a rally stage worked. We dropped down into a dip and came across a couple of other vehicles.

There, in the bushes to one side, was a Bengal Tiger. 250 kg of apex predator, a perfect killing machine, snoozing in the bushes with his legs in the air. The sheer size of the magnificent animal was impressive. Took no notice of us. No need to really. They know guns are banned and nobody was going to poke him with a stick. We were only there for mere moments. I tried really hard to get a clear photograph through the undergrowth. Then we were off again. Apparently, we were late now so we had to rush back. I think the driver just enjoyed channelling his inner Colin McRae. Almost made it back before the rain started again. The heavens opened. The truck had no canopy. At least the rain was warm. We arrived at the station utterly soaked but triumphant. We had been the only group from the train that saw a tiger.

All that before breakfast. I was hungry. As already mentioned, food on the train was good. Breakfast was a stuffed paratha to accompany a chilli, onion and cheese omelette. A glass of mango lassi, coffee, croissant and I was good to go. Where I actually went was back to bed for an hour. Meanwhile the train moved on down the line a few more miles. Here we all bundled off for a very ordinary drive in a coach to the deserted Mughal City of Fatehpur Sikri.  Built by Emperor Akbar in 1580, this was the capital of the Mughal Empire for a brief period before being abandoned, likely due to water scarcity. 20 years from new build to total abandonment. I am sure there should be more to this story but I have not found it yet.

My experience was dominated by the intricate carved sandstone and a man jumping into a water tank. We had a guide. There was quite a large group of people and anyhow I could not understand him. Wandering around on my own I peered over a wall to see a man, 30’ below, waving at me frantically. “I will jump into the water for you” he said, pointing into a large tank of bright green stagnant water. I honestly was not too sure what to make of this. It was a good guess that he would be wanting some money but diving into a lethal lake seemed a bit extreme. I looked around for mutual support. Soon there were a good dozen people looking over the wall. “Don’t worry, it’s my job” he shouted. Whipped his shirt off and leap a good 25’ down into the terrible tank. I was pleased to see him emerge without obvious damage. I imagine the pus oozing sores will erupt later. He was rewarded with a small shower of small notes that we dropped down to him. What a way to make a living.

Jaipur

Time for a train ride. We joined the Maharajas’ Express for a few days. This is a luxury train that does several circular routes from Delhi. It meant an early start. 7:30 am saw us arriving at the train station. The red carpet had been rolled out and we were greeted with garlands of flowers. The train arrived a few minutes later and we were shown to our cabin. This all seemed very promising. We found our way to the restaurant car and as the train set off for Jaipur, we settled down for a late breakfast.

By lunchtime we had unpacked and installed into our new room. I was enjoying watching the countryside roll past but there was a problem. I could not take any photographs. All the windows on the train are heavy and tinted so that people cannot see in from the outside. They are thick and distort the image. You do not notice this especially when looking through the window because your brain is remarkably good at compensating for this sort of thing. However, as soon as you look at a photograph taken through the window, you can immediately see how distorted it is. I searched the train. I could not find anywhere to get outside. There was not a single window that could be opened. I tried a few ways of taking pictures but the results were hopeless. For me, this was a big disappointment. I would have been very happy watching the world roll past and snapping a few images of it.

Second disappointment came just a few hours later when we failed to arrive in Jaipur. We did arrive eventually. I don’t know what caused the delay. It was dark when we finally arrived. We were given a tour of Amber Fort. In the dark. So, we could not see too much and photography was difficult.

Jaipur is the capital of Rajasthan. Amber Fort sits on top of a hill above the village of Amer and overlooking Jaipur. The views are probably spectacular. Back at the train, we were served an excellent dinner.

Next day started with a museum visit. We survived that and then got taken to the first carpet shop of the trip. This one was making jewellery. We sat in front of three craftsmen that were hand cutting stones. They looked very bored and were possibly keen to get back to their day jobs. An enthusiastic young man explained how their jewellery was the authentic item and how many hours it took an artisan to make. Each craftsman was descended from generations of craftsmen all passing on the secrets of stone cutting. We were eventually led into the showroom. Many of our group, especially those spending US dollars, embraced this with gusto. Diane looks at a few rings but then spotted the prices. I got a free cup of instant coffee.

After a few more hours train travel, we arrived at the Hotel Rambagh Palace. This is a very posh hotel. We were there for dinner. First, we got taken on a tour. I thought it was a bit of an odd tour. We were shown three dining rooms of increasing opulence. They were impressive and eating in any of them would have been a grand experience. We were taken outside and shown a parade of elephants, camels and horses. This was not for our benefit but for a wedding taking part in another part of the hotel.

Finally, we were shown to our tables set up outside, on a lawn. Bit of a letdown after the grandiose rooms we had strolled through. Shortly after I sat down, a man turned up and proceeded to wrap a turban on my head. I am not really one for dressing up, but Diane was impressed. The meal was very good. If, like me, you enjoy vegetarian curries then India is definitely the place. Also, turned out to be very pleasant sitting outside. Who needs a posh dining room?

Delhi

At Manchester airport we spent ages in queues for security, passport control and the rest. Jordan was an epic security check. We had to wait for a phone call to ensure that our binoculars were allowed – this was as we were leaving the country which seemed a little late to me. Dubai by comparison, was wonderfully easy and quick. The airport is right in the middle of the city – so just a 5-minute transfer. No queues at all. Easy checks. The flight was great. Air India do not have a great reputation but it worked well for us. The food was excellent and a glass of champagne for breakfast made it feel like a celebration. Delhi airport was reasonably painless and just like that we were in India.

First thing that struck us was the pollution. On the day we arrived the Air Quality Index (AQI) was over 400. By comparison, 50 is the usual limit for clean air. You could see the misty pall of smog hanging everywhere. Since then, the smog has not cleared. The day after we arrived there was cloud seeding. Several aircraft flew over the city spraying silver iodide in an attempt to create rain to the clear the air. I thought this was quite exciting. Sadly, it did not work. There was not enough moisture in the clouds. Published opinions varied from “worth a try” to “waste of money”.

We had a day tour of Delhi. First stop was the Jama Masjid mosque in Old Delhi. Diane had to wear a grey robe despite being perfectly modestly dressed. She was not impressed by this. We both had to take our shoes off. This despite the dog and pigeon dropping all over the floor. We bought some lightweight slippers but mine were too small and kept falling off. The mosque was built in 1650 and is still the largest mosque in India. British rule began in 1803 when they repaired and renovated the building. However, British opinion changed, after the revolt of 1857, which was blamed on the Muslims. Many mosques in Delhi were razed. The Jama Masjid was spared but was pressed into use as barracks. The Masjid was returned to the Muslims in 1862. It was protected as a religious space but was used for political rallies right up until the Partition of India in 1947. Today it is Delhi’s primary mosque and has a largely congregational function.

Next was the Red Fort, also known as Lal Qila, an historic Mughal fort also located in Old Delhi. Unfortunately, I was having trouble understanding our guide. He spoke English but quickly and with a strong accent. Without extreme concentration, I could not follow him at all. So, I cannot say too much about the Red Fort. From here we clambered onto a rickshaw and set off to explore Old Delhi. This was fun and interesting. The place is a chaotic mix of colours, people, rickshaws and vendors. We were guided into a spice shop where we politely listened to the sales pitch and left.

We visited a Skih Temple. Diane had to wear a robe. I had to wear a head scarf and we both needed to take our socks and shoes off. What is it with religion and dressing up? The temple was very impressive in that there was a lot of gold. No photographs allowed. We walked round an altar where a holy man was sat cross legged in front of a book. Round the back I spotted a man counting a large quantity of cash. He also had a credit card machine. Business seems to be good for the Sikhs. Next up was Raj Ghat. The place where Mahatma Gandhi was cremated. It is marked by a plain marble box which is empty although an eternal flame burns at one end. I settled on taking a photograph at distance rather than taking my shoes off yet again. Then we were supposed to see a panoramic view of the government buildings along the Raj Path and the imposing India Gate. The smog put paid to this. In fact, we could barely see the India Gate at all.

Lunch was great. We are vegetarian and we like spicey food. India, at least so far, has proved very obliging in both these respects. Wonderful, tasty vegetarian food everywhere. Next stop the inevitable carpet shop. Original, handmade, artisan, unbelievable value. The pitch remains the same. This one was genuinely selling carpets. Very nice silk on silk with intricate patterns. No space for it in our 23 kg suitcases though.

Final stop was the Qutb Minar complex. Built in 1200, the Qutb Minar is the tallest minaret in the world built of bricks. The whole area is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and tells an ancient story of temples, vanity projects, changing religions and aliens. Beginning with the Qutb Minar tower, numerous emperors and rulers, including the British, have added their bit. The first mosque in Delhi was built here at the same time as the tower. Some years later the site had become a Hindu temple as seen by some remarkable carved pillars. Then there were Muslims again who defaced the pillars. Literally, images of faces are not allowed in mosques, so they cut the faces off the carvings. No way to treat a god. A summary of the history is beyond me because I find it confusing and couldn’t understand our guide. There is an iron column there weighing in at over 6 tons with origins going back 400 AD. Erich von Däniken (Chariot of the Gods, 1970) cited the absence of corrosion on the Delhi pillar as proof of aliens. Science has disproved this but it is still interesting.

We changed hotels in Delhi so that we could have a couple of days in the rather grand Leela Palace. The room was lovely and the bathroom borderline outrageous. It included a television that could be watched while you had a bath. Opposite our room was a large building site where they were working 24 hours a day. Bit noisy. But the real problem was the pollution. Put us right off going outside. I amused myself by taking photographs from the top floor. I tried to capture the pollution. And the Black Kites that wheeled around the building occasionally. There were also some pigeons but nobody is impressed by a picture of a pigeon. We had a couple of short walks and spotted some monkeys living by the road.

Burj Khalifa

Since 1892, Dubai and the other “Trucial States” had been a British protectorate. The British government took care of foreign policy and defence, as well as arbitrating between the rulers of the Eastern Gulf. In 1968, Harold Wilson announced that all British troops were to be withdrawn from “East of Aden”. The decision created a political vacuum that threw the coastal emirates into fevered negotiations. A proposed nine-state union was derailed in 1969 when British intervention against aggressive activities by Bahrain and Qatar caused them to walk out. The remaining emirates, by 1972, formed the UAE. There were a few border disputes but by 1979 things had settled down. Dubai, fuelled by oil and trade, began a boom era.  

The world’s biggest mall includes an aquarium. Opened in 2008 this obviously, because it is Dubai, included several world records. It holds the Guinness World Record for largest shopping mall aquarium. We thought we would have a look. First job was finding it. The world’s biggest mall is extremely big so finding anything, even the world’s biggest aquarium, can be a challenge. It does not help when your partner wants to keep checking out shops to find some new trousers. We did eventually manage both the big fish tank and the new trousers. The Dubai aquarium is also a zoo. I have mixed feelings about zoos. They play a role in conservation and sometimes it is nice to see animals and fish up close. On the other hand, the poor creatures are in captivity and, I think, generally live a pretty miserable existence. Somehow, fish tanks do not seem so cruel as animal cages.

The zoo is spread over three levels and surrounded by shops. 5 million people visit it each year, many of whom seemed to be there on the day we were. The start is a tunnel through a humongous tank featuring sharks and stingrays. Very strange watching them swim over your head. You could also see through the tank to the rest of the mall. So, we had a vision of sharks swimming around some of the big brand shops. This seemed meaningful in some way. The other levels contain a mixture of tanks and cages containing aquatic creatures, reptiles, birds and a few animals. We saw an axolotl, a type of salamander known for its unique appearance and regenerative abilities. Famous for their ability to regenerate lost body parts, including limbs, gills, and even parts of their eyes and brains. There were otters being cute and penguins in a special freezer section. I have seen many Gentoo penguins in the wild and did not like seeing them like this. There were parrots, snakes, lizards, a very cute chameleon, an electric eel and two crocodiles. Saltwater crocodiles, our largest living reptiles, not very friendly, best viewed through a very solid piece of reinforced glass.

Fish tank done, we decided to go up the Burj. This is all part of a massive complex, the Dubai Downtown area. Not just the mall but also, a large lake, many restaurants, high rise towers and other things. The Burj Khalifa rises like a great phallus above the surrounding structures. An extraordinarily high-speed lift takes you up close to the top. The building is quite narrow at floor 154, only a hundred metres across. The view, from this height is always going to be quite impressive. Dust and smog did tend to make things hazy. It was an interesting way to get a feel for how Dubai is built and laid out. Beyond the downtown area are many, many housing estates. The houses are, for the most part, very grandiose and probably cost millions. They are, nonetheless, still laid out just like the ex-council housing I used to occupy in Rotherham. Posh housing estates.

Dubai has a dark underside. Much of it was built using labour from South Asia. Workers were notoriously underpaid (£2.85 a day), worked long shifts, lived in cramped, basic conditions and often had their passports taken. So only a smidge short of slave labour. Capitalism usually involves exploitation. For years, Dubai has been labelled as a major hub for laundering illicit cash, primarily through its real estate market. Due to the UAE’s lack of proper regulations and extradition treaties with many countries, fugitives found it to be a perfect hideout. The “Dubai Unlocked” investigation in 2022 revealed how Dubai’s real estate market became a haven for criminals, money launderers, drug lords, fugitives, political figures accused of corruption, and sanctioned individuals. In 2022, foreign ownership in Dubai’s real estate market was worth approximately $160 billion. Until 2022, there was no obligation for real estate agents, brokers, and lawyers in Dubai to report large cash or cryptocurrency transactions to authorities.

The Burg Khalifa was used in one of the Mission Impossible films. Tom Cruise climbed out of a window on the 130th floor. As well as being the tallest building in the world it is also the tallest TV screen. Lights run its entire height on the side overlooking the fountains. These are used to make quite a remarkable display surface. We hung around enjoying the views until the sunset. Sadly, all the dust made this a bit of an anticlimax. We rounded the day off at a restaurant looking out at the fountains. These are the fountains in the big pool at the base of the Burj. You will not be surprised that the Dubai Fountains are the world’s largest choreographed fountain system. $218 million gets you 6,000 lights, 25 projectors and water shooting up to 150 m. Shortly after we arrived, the first show of the evening kicked off with dancing water, flashing lights and the Burj Khalifa video screen, set to the sound of the Mission Impossible theme. Every half hour after that, came another display, each one set to different music. The food was good but everywhere was packed and felt a bit manic. Not really a relaxing meal. We were sat outside where it was ridiculously hot and there were throngs of people all bustling around to get a good position for the next fountain show. I was quite happy to get back to our cool, quiet hotel room.

Next day, we went to have a look at the Palm Jumeirah. There is a tower that looks over the Palm. For a fee, you can visit the viewing platform and look down on the people living there. We paid extra so that we could jump the queue. My heritage as an Englishman makes me respect the great institution of queues. On the other hand, I really hate standing in a queue. In this case, I felt vindicated. Even with the more expensive tickets, we spent over half an hour queuing. The alternative could have taken many hours.

The Palm Jumeirah is a cluster of artificial islands in the shape of a palm tree. 25,000 people live here. The circular outer breakwater is used for upmarket resorts and hotels. As best I can tell, a house here will cost you at least £5 million. So, the whole place is an exclusive reserve for the rich. It is sterile. There is no natural vegetation and barely any planted greenery. A monorail and road system connect it to the rest of Dubai. There are no animals at all. At least none that I could see. The beaches are perfectly smooth and free of blemishes. To be honest, I don’t get it. Why would you want to sit in your very expensive house, surrounded, closely, by other very expensive houses, in 35° C of heat, looking across a short stretch of artificial waterway at yet more very expensive houses. It is an enclave built by and for the very rich (and the criminals, etc.). I hope they enjoy it – at least it keeps them all out of the way.

In the morning, we flew out. I managed to get a couple of poor photos of the desert that surrounds Dubai. Then we settled down for the flight to Delhi.

Dubai

Dubai is what happens when you get too much money in one place. It is quite a remarkable city. I find it both intriguing and repulsive in equal parts. When I first visited Dubai, in 1984, there was a dual carriage way with sand in the central reservation. Inexperienced drivers would regularly get their vehicle stuck while trying to do a short cut. There was also a single high-rise building. This was popular with the ex-pat community because it was one of the very few places you could buy a beer. Just forty years later and the place bristles with modern, glass clad skyscrapers, luxury homes, swimming pools and expensive yachts. The Burj Khalifa, tallest building in the world, rises above them all. This is all driven by money. Not just oil money. Dubai was doing quite well as a trading centre before 1966. Apart from the money, there is no reason to be here. It is not a nice place. It is hard desert with no natural resources and temperatures over 40°C for half the year. There is no fresh water. You cannot grow crops or keep animals. There is no scenery. No natural trees, lakes, rivers, mountains or forests. It is flat, hot and dusty. At one time (1900), there were just a handful (10,000) of Bedouins scratching a nomadic existence. Now terraforming is hard at work. Water from the ocean is desalinated and pumped into the desert sand until it blossoms green and vibrant. Elaborately shaped islands with luxury accommodation have been created to attract the rich and beautiful. In 2016, the world’s first functioning 3D-printed office building was opened in Dubai. It was built in just 17 days.

A positive move to embrace tourism has created a myriad of flashy air-conditioned hotels, shopping malls, beaches and other tourist attractions. Dubai hosts the world’s largest mall. With over 60 million shoppers a year, it attracts more visitors than the whole of New York City. The dusty road is now an eight-lane palm lined highway with traffic jams every day. The cars here are remarkable. Rolls Royce, Lamborghini, Maserati, Aston Martin and other high-end marques abound. Money attracts money. The banks, investment institutes, realtors, insurers and all the rest came here. They brought their lawyers and solicitors. Everyone needs shops and restaurants. Builders are working hard everywhere and so is all the support infrastructure needed to maintain a large and rapidly growing city. Dubai now supports 4 million people. 10% of these are local – the rest are their support infrastructure. The Dubai International Financial Centre (DIFC) is one of the world’s major financial centres. Dubai International Airport (DXB) is the world’s busiest airport for international passenger traffic, handling over 92 million passengers in 2024

On our first day in Dubai, we were given a tour of Old Dubai. This began by looking at some rebuilt traditional buildings. They feature towers with vents to give natural cooling. We also got to see a museum of local money. Possibly one of my most numbing museum experiences ever. Then we were invited to sit in a recreation of a nomadic camp. This was set up in a paved courtyard and included a very bored looking lonely camel. Some traditional boats took us across the river. By traditional, I really just mean old. Unless smoky old diesel engines are a tradition. And this brought us to the inevitable carpet shop. Today it was spices. We were all invited to smell at a range of open bins of ground spice mixes. They smelled alright but I could not help thinking. First, spices really need to be stored in airtight containers. Secondly, who would want to buy spices from a large open container that hundreds of people a day have been sniffing at? Diane bought herself a bar of Dubai chocolate. This is filled with kadayif (chopped filo pastry) and a pistachio-tahini cream. A couple of years ago it went a viral on social media leading to ridiculously inflated prices. Still cost £10 for a bar but it is quite tasty. Finally, we were left in the souks of old Dubai. Small streets packed with vendors and visitors. With the temperature in the high 30s, this was a vision of hell to me. I did not want to buy any gold or listen to dozens of enthusiastic shop keepers trying to sell it to me. I looked at the amount of saffron in the spice shops and was amazed. More saffron than I had ever seen. Fresh saffron is wonderful in food but also extremely expensive and needs to be kept in small, airtight containers. Here there were literally kilograms of the stuff, that is thousands of pounds worth, piled up in shop windows going stale.

In the evening, we had a dinner cruise. This sounded interesting and even a little romantic. Reality fell a little short. The boat was packed. The buffet dinner was a bit of a scrum. Wine cost over £50 for a cheap red. On balance, the food was quite nice and the views of the marina were interesting. But it was still hot. After a couple of hours cruising, I was starting to melt.

Next day was an early start to drive to Abhu Dhabi, capital of the United Arab Emirates (UAE or just Emirates). It is a federal semi-constitutional monarchy made up of seven emirates. Each emirate is a little country ruled by a family. All the families are related and traditionally inbred. Artificial insemination is being using to try and offset the genetic problems that this causes. Although less populous than Dubai, Abu Dhabi accounts for about two-thirds of the roughly $503 billion UAE economy. The Abu Dhabi Investment Authority (ADIA), headquartered in the city, is estimated to manage approximately US$1 trillion in assets, making it the world’s third-largest sovereign wealth fund. Like Dubai, the combination of big egos and big money makes for some remarkable vanity projects. The Emirates Palace is one of the most luxurious hotels ever.  Ferrari World is a massive theme park which, unsurprisingly, houses the world’s fastest roller coaster.

Our first stop was the Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque. Built over 13 years this gleaming white structure is the biggest mosque in the UAE. Sheikh Zayed commissioned the enormous building when he was president of the UEA. His altruistic purpose, “to establish a structure that would unite the cultural diversity of the Islamic world with the historical and modern values of architecture and art”. He is buried in the courtyard of the mosque so perhaps there is a hint of the Pharaoh tradition of building a shrine. Massive amounts of marble came from Macedonia, Italy and China. The floral design in the courtyard is the largest example of marble mosaic in the world. The exterior and interior are adorned with white marble. The marble is inlaid with precious stones like lapis lazuli, carnelian, amethyst, abalone shell, and mother of pearl. The UAE is a desert. Like most deserts it is very dusty. An army of workers are employed to keep this vast amount of white marble cleaned. We were told that the tops of the columns were gold plated. Unfortunately, to my untrained eye, this made them look like plastic. A sign at the entrance intrigued me. Teddy bears, certain hand gestures, hugging and lying down are all forbidden. So are masks, although niqab are encouraged. Inside is the world’s largest carpet. They seem enormously proud of this. I was tempted to point out that if this impresses you then check out the world’s biggest ball of twine in Cawker City, Kansas.

We got taken to an artisan craft area. Essentially yet another carpet shop and another place with a nomad’s tent and bored camel. We had a look at a beach and then got taken to the Louvre. Not the real one but another vanity project. It cost the Louvre Abu Dhabi $520 million to use the name “Louvre” for 30 years. This was agreed between the respective governments. The curators of the real Louvre were not at all keen and launched a futile petition against it. Surely it is not too difficult to think up an original name. We were scanned and x-rayed and searched to get in. This got us as far as the café. Then we needed to be searched and scanned again to see the actual painting. At this point our small rucksack and camera were banned so we decided to call it a day and went back outside for a coffee.

One of the paintings we did not see at the Abu Dhabi Louvre. We have tried looking at great art before and it does not usually go well.

Jordan

First impressions of Amman were positive. Cooler weather, a better class of car and calmer driving. I did find it a bit disconcerting to be less than 100 km from Gaza. Just a short distance away were many people starving to death while being relentlessly bombed by the Israelis. Syria is a little more stable than a few years ago and was about 40 km up the road. Jordan, at the moment, is a little haven of stability and working hard at attracting tourists.

In the morning, we were collected early and driven north to Jaresh. This city in Northern Jordan is home to one of the best-preserved Greco-Romans in the world (outside of Italy). The pair of us were handed over to a local guide. To be honest, he was a bit difficult to understand. Although we spent the best part of an hour listening to him rattle off names and dates, I don’t think any of it stuck. There was a 300 m diameter elliptical forum surrounded by pillars. Wikipedia tells me that a forum is a public square used as a marketplace and general-purpose meeting place. So, this was a big oval square.

We looked at the temple of Artemis and a nymphaeum. I just learnt this word – it is a monument consecrated to the nymphs, especially those of springs. We found an impressive theatre. Very steep seating. You would certainly get a good view but tripping over a step could really spoil your day. Diane found a millipede.

Our guide left us here. After making it truly clear that he expected a tip. Tipping continues to be a thorn in my side. First of all, you need to work out how much to pay. Too little will cause offence. Too much will buy you a new best friend but leave you out of pocket. Working in different currencies introduces great scope for slipping up in these calculations. Then you need to make sure that you actually have some suitable cash. ATMs that dish out large value notes do not help with this. I don’t think it is good etiquette to ask for change when giving tips. I have always assumed that gratuities were invented by over funded Americans showing off their wealth. Imagine my disappointment to discover that it started in Tudor England. It was taken home by Americans in the 19th century who wanted to appear aristocratic. America only adopted it reluctantly. Gratuities were made illegal in six states. Today they appear to be enthusiastically exporting it to the rest of the world.

Tipping has been researched. Five motivations have been identified:

  1. Showing off
  2. To supplement the server’s income and make them happy
  3. For improved future service
  4. To avoid disapproval from the server
  5. A sense of duty

Some places add a service charge to the bill. The US courts have asserted that this charge is not mandatory. Tipping is often cited as being associated with good service. Another researcher discovered that attractive waitresses get better tips than less attractive waitresses. Men’s appearance, not so important. Blondes get better tips than brunettes. Slender women get better tips. Large breasted women get better tips. Women in their 30s get better tips than either younger or older women. Tipping is massively discriminatory. The US Supreme Court has ruled that even neutral business practices that are not intended to discriminate, if they have the effect of adversely impacting a protected class, are illegal. Perhaps a class-action lawsuit on the part of ethnic minority waiters and waitresses could result with tipping being declared illegal.

In Egypt, if you were not on the ball, someone would grab your bag, move it 5 m, and then expect a tip. Jordan was less intense, but even so you needed to be careful about letting people “help” you. I sometimes felt like the locals vision of a tourist included dollar notes sticking out of every pocket. Any small favour and you can help yourself. Rather sadly, this tends to make you very wary of anyone being friendly.

By the time I had finished ruminating over the evils of gratuities, we had passed Zeus’ temple and were back at the oval square. We met up with our driver again and set off for lunch at the Dead Sea. This is the lowest lake in the world. It is an endorheic lake – the Jordan River drains into it but no rivers come out. The Dead Sea sits in the Jordan Rift Valley, a geographic feature formed by the fault on the tectonic plate boundary between the African Plate and the Arabian Plate. The relative motion of these two plates, about 2 mm a year, has caused a deep depression. The Dead Sea is 420 m below sea level.

We stopped at a hotel close to the Dead Sea from where we could look across the water to Jericho, one of the oldest cities in the world. We could also see the occupied West Bank. I noticed a cloud of black smoke rising from some buildings and wondered if something had just been blown up. After lunch we walked down to the banks of the Dead Sea. A series of steps took us past the hotel’s swimming pools and then to a beach area. The Dead Sea is dead because it is salty. Really salty. About ten times more salty than the oceans. Water drains into the lake and never leaves. Everything that gets washed into the Dead Sea stays there and gets concentrated. Not just salt but all the other residues, chemicals and whatever. The water is toxic. Nothing can live in it. The lake is the continental bottom of the barrel. Diane risked her feet and paddled for a couple of minutes. Other, more enthusiastic tourists, were covering themselves in lake mud and then washing it off in the water. It is not possible to swim normally in the water. The high concentration of salt makes it very buoyant. Famously, you can lie on your back and read a newspaper. I think an accidental mouthful of water would make you very sick.

It was too hot. In part because of the lack of altitude. The walk back up to the hotel was quite unpleasant. We were both dripping with sweat by the time we arrived. It was nice to sit around in the air-conditioned lobby and cool down for a while. Then we went to the carpet shop. I have explained before that every trip has a carpet shop. This particular one was selling salt and mud-based cosmetics from the Dead Sea. We were hit with a heavy and fast paced sales pitch. However, I was struck with the notion that if the Dead Sea was full of toxic water and mud – why on earth you want to rub on your skin? For some reason it reminded me that the Victorians considered Radium as a miraculous element with a wide variety of health-giving properties.

Next morning we were up very early for the drive to Petra. Famous for its rock-cut architecture and water conduit systems. Petra is also called the “Rose City” because of the colour of the sandstone. The city is one of the New 7 Wonders of the World and a UNESCO World Heritage Site. The area has been inhabited since 7000 BC. Petra flourished in the 1st century AD when the Nabataeans used it for temples and mausoleums. Later the Romans used it as a trade centre although it slowly fell into decline as various sea trade routes became preferred. An earthquake in 360 AD destroyed many structures after which it was abandoned and mostly forgotten. UNESCO has described Petra as “one of the most precious cultural properties of man’s cultural heritage” – so, we thought we should at least have a look.

The main site lies down a long, narrow sandstone gorge. As you walk down there are numerous tombs, temples and mausoleums. The rock formations are fascinating. Deep, water carved channels that reminded me of cave systems except that this was all sandstone. Excavations have demonstrated that it was the ability of the Nabataeans to control the water supply that led to the rise of the desert city, creating an artificial oasis. The area is visited by flash floods, but archaeological evidence shows that the Nabataeans controlled these floods by the use of dams, cisterns, and water conduits. These innovations stored water for prolonged periods of drought and enabled the city to prosper from its sale.

The whole place is interesting. The experience, for me, was greatly enhanced because it was not too hot. The gorge gives good shelter from the sun. It proved to be a very pleasant walk down to the bottom with some amazing sites. The main area, usually called The Treasury, was packed with tourists and locals. Camel rides were on offer. So was coffee and souvenirs of all types. The site was used in an Indiana Jones film which gave a solid theme for the Chinese mass-produced memorabilia. There were people just looking for an opportunity to help you with a photograph – for a tip of course.

Coming back up was a bit harder so Diane elected to use a horse for the last section. A three-hour drive back to Amman and our trip to Jordan was finished. Next stop Dubai.

Cairo

Another day, another museum. This time it was the National Museum of Egyptian Civilisation. This is another grand, spacious museum full of ancient relics. More mummies that we could not photograph. This collection included some of the most famous pharaohs. They all look a bit the same when they are black and shrivelled though. Many artifacts that started to blur together in my head. The world’s first prosthetic. A toe. Big toe with a leather strap to hold it on. And a carpet. I was really hoping this would be the carpet that Cleopatra was rolled up in. Sadly, it wasn’t, although it was a nice carpet.

On to Old Cairo. The Church of Abu Serga is where tradition says the Holy Family, including Jesus, hid during their flight into Egypt. The church was built over a cave where they are believed to have stayed, and a crypt beneath the church contains the original site of their shelter. We went down some stairs to have a look. Seemed a bit small and stuffy to hide in for three months. Perhaps if you were desperate. The rows of vendors outside were selling bibles, scripts, icons, beads, crosses and other Christian paraphernalia.

Next stop was the Salah El-Din Citadel and the grand Mohammed Ali Mosque. We were promised spectacular views over Cairo from here. The reality was far too hazy and dusty. Our guide, Mayo, took us into the mosque and explained the five pillars of Islam. This seemed appropriate. We took our shoes off and sat on the floor. The inside of the mosque was ornately decorated and the ceiling was fabulous. I did pay attention but was still a long way from any sort of religious conversion by the time he finished. After twenty minutes sitting cross legged on the floor, my great revelation was that my legs do not like doing this anymore. We both hobbled a bit leaving the mosque but had recovered by the time we were back at our hotel with a glass of wine and a lovely sunset to watch.

Next morning we went off to look at the Bent Pyramid and Red Pyramid of Dahshur. As we arrived a couple of dozen military helicopters went past. Then some other aircraft and then two wings of fighters. All in proper formation and looking very businesslike. US President Donald Trump was joining more than 20 other world leaders in Sharm El-Sheikh, Egypt that day. The aircraft were maybe connected with this. We let them get on with it and concentrated on walking round the pyramids. Both pyramids were constructed by Pharaoh Sneferu during the Old Kingdom. They represent key stages in pyramid-building evolution. The Bent pyramid was too steep. Having started at 54° they discovered cracks appearing internally. The rock could not stand the weight. So they switched to a more modest 44°. The meant the pyramid would not be so high but at least it would not collapse. The second, Red Pyramid, was done at 43°. This time they had it right. Although a modest 105 m high it was still the first true pyramid with a smooth, straight-sided design. After this one, in 2,500 BC they were ready to get cracking with the big ones at Giza.

As lunchtime approached, we headed off to a farm. We were promised this was a typical working farm. One that welcomes tourists but still a farm. Turned out to be a delightful couple of hours. To reach the farm, we sat on the back of a cart pulled by a donkey. At the farm, we began by sitting in a treehouse and drinking tea. Next was bread making. The bread dough was already made. Our job was to roll out thin round sheets before throwing them into an extremely hot clay oven. After being shown what to do, we both made acceptable attempts. This was as well because the bread ended up being part of our lunch. The oven was an interesting design with a fire pit underneath the cooking area. I may try to make one sometime.

Back in our treehouse, we were shown how to make fig biscuits. Given yet more tea. Then our lunch turned up. Flat bread with vegetables followed by fig biscuits – which had been cooked by then. All very good. After some more tea, we had a short stroll round the farm. Some of the crops and rotations were explained. I experimented with climbing a date palm using a rope. Probably best left to the youngsters. I also found a wicked looking stick insect. Then it was back on the donkey cart, back to our hotel and we were done with Egypt. Next day we would fly to Jordan. Just time for a last glass of wine and a sunset.

Kom Obo

We sailed in the morning. Back north towards Luxor. The prevailing wind was against us and this meant a lovely cool breeze across the upper deck. We sat out there for several hours enjoying watching life on the banks of the Nile. People fishing from small boats, goats grazing, a few birds and many crops. The water from the Nile gives rise to a rich, green land but not far behind this is hard, harsh desert.

We stopped at Kom Obo for another temple. This one is dedicated to the crocodile god, Sorbek and also the falcon god Haroeris. The duality is achieved by way of a unique double temple. It is symmetrical along a line. Half for Sorbek, half for Haroeris. A dual entrance leads to halls, courts and an inner sanctuary for each god. The existing temple was begun by Ptolemy VI, 100 BC, at the beginning of his reign and added to by later Ptolemies. Much of the temple has been destroyed by the Nile, earthquakes, and later builders who used its stones for other projects. Some of the reliefs inside were defaced by Copts, who once used the temple as a church.

Adjacent to the temple is the small crocodile museum. This houses a wonderful collection of mummified crocodiles. One of them is still wrapped in bandages and is presented in a case along with some baby reptiles. I was particularly impressed by the eyes. We slipped as quickly as we could through the inevitable bazaar of vendors. I was almost tempted by a Chinese mass-produced replica mummified crocodile, but resisted.

Back at the river boat we had our final night on board as we sailed to Edfu. In the morning we disembarked and were driven to Luxor. A small change of plan but essential because the river boat had modified its schedule and we had a plane to catch.

We were both just about templed out by now but there was still time to slip a couple more in. The Karnak temple and Luxor temple are joined by the 3 km Sphinx Avenue. A roadway lined by a magnificent row of Sphinx statues on each side. More immense gateways. Several obelixes and more towering columns than you could shake a stick at. It was hot and crowded. We were quite happy to reach the end of the tour.

Back in Cairo, we stayed at a much more western style hotel on the banks of the Nile. This lacked any of the character or charm of our previous hotel in the Arabic Quarter. But it was gloriously quiet at night and we could buy wine. This suited us better.

Next day was the Grand Egyptian Museum. This is brand new and not officially opened yet. None the less it was very crowded although this was offset by the size and grandeur of the place. It is built near the pyramids at Giza. A series of ascending staircases lead you through vast halls of statues to a panoramic window with the pyramids beyond. Here are many of the treasures that have been removed from temples over the years. The Tutankhamen exhibition is here. No photographs allowed. I recalled the great excitement when this collection was brought to London in 1972. The whole country went a bit Tutankhamen mad for a few weeks. There are also mummies here. A lot of them. Again, no photography allowed. It was a bit strange looking at the shrivelled, blackened remains of people from thousands of years ago. They built pyramids, had elaborate burial and mummification rituals to try and ensure their immortality. Which happened, in a sense, but almost certainly not in the way they intended.

In the afternoon we went to the Egyptian museum. A much older establishment but still stacked with statues, treasures, caskets and the Rosetta stone. Not the real one. The British Museum is hanging on to that for “safe keeping”. The stone contains the same script in hieroglyphics, a simplified form of hieroglyphics and ancient Greek. This was key to understanding the ancient Egyptian writings. Since then other translation stones have been found but this was the first and probably most important. It was originally carved around 200 BC in Sais. It was later moved to Rosetta where it was used as building material. A French army officer uncovered it in 1799 during the French invasion of Egypt. In 1802, when the British defeated the French, they took possession of the stone and it has been on display, almost continuously, in the British Museum ever since. It is one of their most visited exhibits so I doubt they will want to give it back any time soon.

Diane and I generally find museums a bit dry and boring. Now we had done two museums in one day. Probably unprecedented in our travels. The significant difference was that we had a very informative young guide, called Mayo. He was full of stories that brought life to the otherwise dull displays. I have often thought that museums should work on presenting stories rather than simple facts and figures.

Aswan

Aswan is the upper limit for the river boats. There is a dam there and no way past. The original dam was built in 1900 by the British at the Nile’s first cataract. Although this was a major construction for the time it was still not enough to fully control such a vast river. It was raised, twice, and then a second dam, the High Dam, was built a short way upstream by the Egyptians in the 1950s. The High Dam also incorporated a hydro-electric power station.

We docked in Aswan late in the evening. Next morning we could get up at a sensible time for breakfast. First trip of the day was to the Unfinished Obelisk. There is a granite quarry close to Aswan where much of the granite used in ancient Egypt was obtained. The massive sarcophagi of Saqqara that we had seen a few days earlier came from here. The quarry also specialised in obelisks. Tall pillars of solid stone that are still seen quite widely. Cleopatra’s needle at Victoria Embankment in London was made here as was the Luxor Obelisk in the Place de la Concorde, Paris. The largest and most ambitious obelisk was begun around 1500 BC but unfortunately it got broken. I like to think some careless craftsman hit it off centre and a crack appeared. Oops. The more mundane reality is probably that the cracks were already there and only became apparent as they worked the rock.

We had a wander around the quarry. It is actually quite interesting, as quarries go. Then we ran the gauntlet of the ever-present vendors and headed for the Temple of Philae. Philae Island was occasionally submerged, along with its temple after the low dam was built. With the advent of the high dam it was destined to vanish underwater forever. An ambitious project was established the move the temple to the nearby Agilkia Island. This was completed in 1980.

The trip began by running a vendor gauntlet down a slipway to a waiting boat. A short trip out to the island gave us a clear view of the British, Low Dam. Reminded me of the dams around Longdendale where we used to live. These were built around the same time. The little boat brought us to the island quay, tightly packed with vendors, from which we emerged in front of the temple.

The first temple building was probably built around 500 BC. Most of the main temple structures were bult in the Ptolemaic era of 100 BC. The site remained a focus for worship through to the Christian era when five of the temples were converted into churches. The Victorians had a bit of a fixation on Egypt. The island was very popular in the 19th century. Today, after the successful relocation it is absolutely heaving with tourists. We followed our guide round for a while but, well, some guides just can’t keep my attention. So we pottered off on our own and arrived back with the vendors at the appointed time. On our trip back to the mainland a couple of vendors hopped onto the boat. They spread their wares on a table in the centre that was so convenient it could have been made for the purpose.

We enjoyed a couple of vendor free hours back on the river boat and then went off to see a Nubian village. This was on the downstream side of the low dam so to get there we simply went in a smaller boat that docked right next to our river boat. A few young lads on old surf boards grabbed hold as we motored past them. They tried to sell us some essentials before they could hang on no longer. The twenty-minute journey was quite interesting. There were some birds and other wildlife. We stopped at a sandy area called a beach so that we could experience paddling in the Nile. At the same time some handy vendors appeared in case we needed to stock up on plastic replica necklaces or knifes made out of camel bone.

Nubians are a Nilo-Saharan speaking ethnic group indigenous to northern Sudan and southern Egypt. They originate from the early inhabitants of the central Nile valley but differ culturally and ethnically from Egyptians. Near Aswan, they maintain their own villages, culture and society. They welcome tourists as a source of income and to explain something of their culture. Our visit began at a school. I think Diane enjoyed that more than me. We walked through the market at dusk. It was very colourful and noisy. Many camels were being led or ridden down the main street. The tour culminated in a family house where Diane was handed one of the pet crocodiles. After a cup of tea we were led back to our small boat and then sailed, down the Nile, in complete darkness, to our river boat. Time for an early night.

Up long before the sun to clamber into a minibus for the drive south to the Temples of Ramses II at Abu Simbel. Four hours later we were close to the border to Sudan. The Aswan High Dam created a reservoir here, Lake Nasser, one of the largest man-made lakes in the world. Obviously, a lot of land got flooded. Tens of thousands of Nubians were displaced. Not everybody was happy about this. The benefits to the remaining land are immense. We saw hundreds of acres of farm, that would otherwise be desert, rich with crops under large, rotating irrigation systems. The temple was also due to be flooded. A multi-national cooperation headed by Unesco saw the entire building complex being moved to higher ground. The temples were originally carved out of the hillside, so the hills needed to be moved as well. I thought this was quite clever. Not only was it a terrific technical achievement paid for by international funds but it also meant that Egypt could keep charging tourists to visit it.

A short walk from the vendors bazaar brought us to the temples. They are magnificent. The twin temples were originally carved out of the mountainside in the 13th century BC for Ramesses II and his wife, Nefertari. Pictures and carvings inside celebrate their lives and achievements. A few hundred years later, the temples were no longer visited and became buried by sand. At the beginning of the 19th century, the temples were rediscovered by some of the great explorers of the time. Even so, it was another hundred years before the sand was completely cleared away and the full scope of the monuments revealed. We took our time looking round and taking a few photographs. Guides are not allowed inside the temples. This make them rather pleasantly quiet although there were still crowds of people.

After that came a pleasant stroll back. A quick check to see if there were any Chinese mass-produced souvenirs that we had been avoiding but really wanted. A cup of coffee and the four-hour drive to Aswan. It was a long day but a rather good temple. We have seen enough temples now that we can spot a good one.

Edfu

After a 4am start, a balloon ride and three temples we were ready for a rest. Fortunately, the remainder of the day was just that. Our little river boat, the Dwa, had set sail for Edfu. We could sit on the top deck of our river boat and watch the world drift past. I really enjoyed this. There was plenty to see along the banks of the Nile. A lot of farming. Banana plantations, corn and several other crops that I did not recognise. Cows were grazing, kids were swimming, people were hanging out in the shade. We treated ourselves to a bottle of cold, white wine and settled back. We just managed to stay awake long enough to discover the buffet dinner in the evening.

We woke in Edfu. The boat had passed through the lock system at Esna during the night. A barrage bridge was built here by the British in 1906 to control the flow of water and limit flooding further downstream. A second bridge and hydroelectric scheme was built in the 1990s. Ships passing up and down the river need to use a lock system to get through the 5 m height difference. At Edfu, we had breakfast at a civilised time and then set off to visit the Temple of Horus at Edfu. To get here we needed to go by horse and carriage. We were told that this was the only allowable way. Not sure how true this is because there were plenty of other types of vehicles around. Anyway, it seemed like fun. The two of us were shown to our carriage and off we went. Only a ten-minute ride. It was fun rather than comfortable.

The temple was very impressive. Built around 200 BC, it features a massive entrance way leading into a mass of towering pillars. To each side are rooms for offering and at the end is the inner sanctum. Every surface is decorated with drawings and hieroglyphs. It fell into disuse with the growth of Christianity around 300 AD and eventually became buried by sand and silt from the river. It was rediscovered in 1860 at which time there was 12 m of sand and several houses on top of it. The architecture of the Temple Works in Leeds was inspired by the Edfu Temple. The design of the columns is a close copy. Like all the temples we have seen, it was hot and crowded. Extremely hot in this case. After an hour we were ready to head back.

First job was to find Abdul, our horse man with carriage number 54. In the event, he found us, shouting and furiously gesticulating when we wandered over to the massed waiting horses. We clambered back on and discovered that the Barney effect was strong. Keith, our friend the amazing Yorkshire dog-whisperer, has a horse called Barney. We went with Keith and Barney in a trap to a pub on the River Humber once. That is a whole other story, but on the way back we noticed that Barney went much faster – pushing hard to get back to his nice field and some food. The same thing happens to Diane when we go out for a walk. We now call this the Barney effect – an increase in speed when you know you are going home. Abdul’s horse trotted briskly out into the road, happy to be heading back. Shortly afterwards a second carriage was coming up fast behind us. Game on. To say we were racing would not really be true but there was certainly some one-upmanship happening. Made for a great trip back. A bit of gentle sportsmanship mixed with dodging coaches and tuk-tuks. Of course, when we got back to the boat, Abdul insisted that we not only pay him a tip but also one for his horse.

The rest of the day was glorious, chilled out cruising up the Nile. A whole flotilla of boats were heading the same way. A few of them under sail. The Nile flows north into the Mediterranean Sea. The prevailing wind is from the north. Without too much technology, you can reliably sail up the river and come back down with the current. This was a significant factor in the development of Egyptian civilisation along the banks of the Nile.

Luxor

Ninety minutes on a small, cramped Air Egypt turboprop brought us to Luxor. Here we were introduced to our river boat, the Dwa. Here we also discovered we could buy wine at the bar. This made me very happy. Next morning, before 4am, we were up and wandering around in the darkness in preparation for a balloon flight. A short drive took us to a quayside on the Nile where we clambered into small boats. We were served coffee and Twinkie bars. Twinkies are American junk food invented in the 1930s that famously contain enough preservatives to survive the apocalypse. We were taken across the river in a sort of Harry Potter style and then loaded into more minibuses. At the take-off site I was warned to hide my camera. Anything other than a mobile phone is considered a professional camera for which you must pay extra. We also discovered that we had to pay to use the toilets. Some of our fellow aviators were annoyed about this – by now we have come to expect it.

By the time it was light enough to see what was going on, the balloons were laid out on the ground ready to go. At some sort of signal, the great inflation began with scores of large fans all roaring into life. Then came the burners and in just a few minutes we were being urged to clamber in. The basket was divided in eight compartments with four people in each and the pilot in the centre. We rose rapidly and were soon looking down at the next wave of balloons being prepared for lunch. All those balloons rising at once made a rather magnificent sight. Shortly afterwards the sun rose and we had some spectacular views. Towards the Nile were many fields of lush, green crops and clumps of buildings. In the other direction, past the limits of irrigation, was hard desert and temples. Temples everywhere. And statues, many statues. Luxor is sometimes described as the world’s largest outdoor museum. Further away we could see the valley of the kings where many elaborate burial sites are located. We also spotted the mortuary temple of Hatshepsut. Our pilot took us low over some of the temples. So low that I wondered if they sometimes managed to get tangled up in the stonework.

After about forty-five minutes we landed. A gentle enough touch down but fraught with its own dangers. Before I had managed to get out of the basket, I had met a young lad with a falcon who wanted to photograph me with it sat on my hand. Had he actually passed me the bird I would have been very tempted to let it free. There was also a seller of plastic scarab beetles and a vendor of particularly cheap looking Chinese mass-produced replicas of the Egyptian sun god Ra. We were collected by the minibus even before we were able to check that the other balloonists had landed without being skewered on a statue of Anubis. The jackal headed God  has pointy ears that would be very bad for a balloon.

Next stop was the valley of the kings. Our flight had been in the cool of the early morning. By now the sun was properly getting a grip on things and the temperature had risen way up past my comfort limit. And it was crowded. Very crowded. This necropolis was used from 1500 BC for about 500 years and contains 65 tombs ranging from the magnificent to the lowly. It was here that Howard Carter discovered the tomb of Tutankhamun in 1922. 5,000 tourists a day visit the site.

Most of the tombs are kept closed in an attempt to preserve them. We had tickets that allowed us entry to four of the royal tombs. These are all ornately decorated with hieroglyphics and pictures. The largest of the four was the joint resting place of Ramesses V and Ramesses VI. This has been open since antiquity, as can be seen by the graffiti left on its walls by Roman and Coptic visitors. Almost all tombs throughout Egypt have been robbed. It began within a few decades of them being built. The curse of the mummy is likely a matter of hygiene. When a tomb is first opened it contains a lot of bad things. Radon gas can build up but also the by-products of decay over many years can give rise to all sorts of nasties such as airborne fungus, bacteria and so on. Those in the know will wait several days for the air to clear. But, if you rush in, the curse may get you.

We finished looking at tombs but then we still had to get past the vendors. The expression “running the gauntlet” comes from the traditional military punishment of receiving blows while running between two rows of men armed with sticks. In Egypt, the entrance/exit to any tourist attraction is only reached by passing through a bazaar. Two rows of shops with very forthright vendors. During this modern running of the gauntlet, you will be accosted repeatedly. Like a good chat-up line, the opening remark from a potential trader can be decisive. The going price for a Chinese mass-produced plastic replica statue of the Egyptian sun god Ra is about a dollar. Hence the common opener “Three dollars. Very cheap, my friend. Only three dollars”. This is your starting point for the negotiation. A more subtle line is “No hassle, come inside, just looking”. One of my favourites is “You are very lucky man to have such a beautiful daughter”. Today we heard “Everything inside is free, just come look” and yesterday we got “How can I take your money”, which I found refreshingly honest.

The tombs were a bit of an ordeal. They were packed with people so opportunities for photography or to even to see some of the key features were limited. It was hot, 38° and we were tired. By the time we exited the fourth tomb I was ready to quit. My eyes were beginning to blur and I was finding it very hard to be interested.

Still, we were not done yet. Despite getting in all the steps we needed for one day, we were whisked up to the temple of Hatshepsut. This is impressive. Three massive terraces rise above the desert floor supported by statues and stone columns. We wandered around, trying to keep to the shade. Then we slipped out past the vendors as quietly as possible.

By this stage all we really wanted was a nice cup of tea and a little lie down. However, first we had to visit the carpet shop. We discovered in Morocco that every tour has a carpet shop. Go with any guide for just about any purpose and you will inevitably end up in his brother’s carpet shop. The carpet shop is a principle, an idea, a template that can be used to sell anything from chocolates to hats. There are some key characteristics of a carpet shop. First of all, they are genuine. This is where they make the original article. Hand made by artisans. Copied by factories all over the world. If you are lucky, you will see a demonstration. Secondly the ingredients, components or whatever are genuine. They are the real, all natural, all local thing. No imports, synthetics or chemicals here. Finally, the cost will be exceptional value for money. It may seem very expensive but this is genuine article, hand made to the highest standards, feel the quality, will last forever, an investment.

Today’s carpet shop was an alabaster factory. Here they made pots, plaques and little statues. We watched a demonstration. We were served tea. We were invited to look around the shop. I spotted a very familiar looking statue of the sun God Ra but said nothing. A certain demographic in our group came out with a ton of souvenirs to grace their mantlepieces and impress the folks back home. They all seemed very happy with their purchases.

Cairo

The Oxford English Dictionary defines culture shock as the “feeling of disorientation experienced by someone when they are suddenly subjected to an unfamiliar culture, way of life, or set of attitudes”. My princess describes culture shock as “it’s bonkers out there”. Our hotel in Cairo was in the heart of the Arabic quarter. Narrow streets surrounded by many old and magnificent buildings thronged with people and lined with many small shops and cafes. We arrived late afternoon and set off, just after dusk, to find something to eat. Immediately we were stuck by the cacophony of noise. Every other shop was blaring out music. Loud and distorted as the straining amplifiers were pushed to their limits. The narrow, cobbled roads were packed with people, dogs, motorbikes, small trucks and the odd car. There were also street artists, stilt-walkers, dervishes, musicians, beggars, people pushing carts or balancing loads on their head. Occasionally we spot some other tourists but for the most part it was local people out for the evening. Friday night in downtown Cairo is truly bonkers.

It was hot, well over 30°C, sweaty and noisy. We worked our way through the crowds past a myriad of shops, bazars, coffee houses and local artisans. After a good twenty minutes of slow progress, we found a café selling cheese and mushroom patties. These turned out to be two layers of thin bread with a filling. Very tasty but we barely got a moments peace to enjoy them. One of the essential commercial models in Egypt is to stand in front of your mark holding your goods and repeating the price many times while looking pleadingly. We had someone trying to sell henna decorations for Diane’s hand, twice. There were cigarette lighters, t-shirts, fridge magnet, scarves and several types of shawl presented to us all before our order had arrived. I was also offered a genuine Rolex watch – but I didn’t bother because I has already bought one in Morocco several years ago. Even with the patties in front of us there was no relenting. Every few seconds someone else would appear asking for a few dollars and refusing to the believe that we did not want a Chinese mass-produced replica of the sun god Ra.

There is an area of Cairo dominated by western style hotels. There are bars in this area frequented by Europeans. There are licenced liquor stores where you can pick up a bottle for your room. We were a long way from there. In the Arabic quarter they have no use for alcohol. Google assured me that the nearest place we could buy a drink was about five miles away. Given the taxi and traffic situation, this may as well have been on the moon. No Dutch comfort to help us through these challenging times then.

Back in our hotel room there was some blessed relief from the heat. The air conditioning was not great but it did work. Occasionally the fan made an alarming clattering noise as if several important components were about to fall out but then, after some stuttering, it kept going. The noise from outside, however, was showing no hint of abating. Friday night. Party night. We guessed they might turn the music down by midnight. We were wrong. It was at least 2am. Obviously, we deployed ear plugs. They helped, a bit, but with a line of shop speakers directly outside our room, all cranked up to 11, we could feel the noise through our bones.

Next day, Diane was beginning to come to terms with the environment. We had an easy day and in the evening went out for a meal and a show. The meal was at a lovely rooftop restaurant with a view of the pyramids. On the way we had caught our first views of the pyramids and could not help but be a little excited. The food was reasonable. A pot of stewed vegetables with rice. The wine was non-existent. Sparkling water was the most exciting drink they served. Many of the other diners were drinking fizzy sparkling drinks. Bottles of cola or other highly sweetened chemicals. I have always thought of these as kids drinks – although they are unbelievably bad for kids. Quite how the over-sweetened stuff goes with a savoury meal is something that I don’t think my taste buds can stretch to.

The show involved light and sound and the pyramids. Big, coloured lights, an ancient wall used as a projection screen and yet more big speakers. It was fun. The Sphinx turned out to be smaller than I expected. Undeterred by a slightly crackly speaker, it narrated the story of ancient Egypt to us in rich, expansive terms. It also explained how the pyramids were built to stand for eternity and defeat death. The three largest pyramids were illuminated in diverse hues to emphasise the point. It was fun if possibly a bit demeaning to magnificent ancient monuments. That night, Saturday night, the partying went on, again, to 2am.

Next morning we set off to properly get to grips with the pyramids. That they are big is the first and most obvious statement to make. Also, they are a massive tourist pull and locals are clearly embracing that for all it is worth. We had a guide, a young Egyptologist called Mayo, who proved to be very enlightening. Like many historical sites we have visited, you really need a guide. The whole system is set up to encourage this. Without a guide you will save some money but you will have to work out how to get around and what to see. You will also have to live without any explanations or information. Sometimes it is easier to go with the flow. On the Giza plateau are the three great pyramids of Cheops (Khufu), Chephren (Khafre), and Mykerinus (Menkaure). The smallest of these, Mykerinus, at a mere 62m was our first stop. Here we could go inside the structure. There is not a lot see. All the interesting things were stolen centuries ago. Still, it was fun. At the bottom of the tunnel we found a very friendly man who insisted on taking our photograph. Tipping is endemic in Egypt. Anyone who does anything, at all, for you expects to be tipped. Taking a photo, posing for a photo, showing you his camel, lifting or pushing anything, offering advice, helping you across the road – it all needs a tip. Frankly it is a complete pain. I think the tipping culture in general is essentially toxic. When it is ramped up to Egyptian levels it really starts get in the way of doing anything. Tourists are an important cash cow to Egypt, one that they are milking for all it is worth. We paid the man for his services and made our way back out. I had hoped the inside of a pyramid would be cool. It is not. We emerged, blinking in the sunlight, hot and sweaty.

We wandered around the other pyramids but were not allowed inside them. We declined several offers of a camel ride. We did not even buy any of the Chinese mass-produced replica statues of Ra, although there were plenty on offer. Eventually we arrived at the Sphinx. There was some fairly assertive queuing needed to get to the vantage point. I grabbed a couple of photographs and wondered where the speaker was concealed.

Later in the day we visited the Serapeum of Saqqara. This was the ancient Egyptian burial place for sacred bulls of the Apis cult at Memphis. It was believed that the bulls were incarnations of the god Ptah. They would become immortal after death. The animals were incarcerated in granite sarcophagi weighing around 40 tonnes. The lid added a further 25 tonnes. The Serapeum was abandoned at the beginning of the Roman Period. Subsequent looting and desecration left the temple in a sorry state and it later became buried in sand. It was rediscovered by Auguste Mariette in 1850. He found the head of one sphinx sticking out of the shifting desert dunes, cleared the sand and followed the avenue to the site. One of the sarcophagi was still intact so he blew it open with dynamite. This was the enthusiastic way of the Victorians. Sadly, the sarcophagus was empty.

We had a look inside a nearby temple. Nothing really visible at all from the surface but lots of interesting hieroglyphs inside. Finally, we visited the Step Pyramid of Djoser. Another massive structure, this one sits atop a labyrinth of tunnels and chambers 6 km long. We were not allowed inside them but by then we were hot, sweaty and tired. Quite happy to head back to our noisy hotel room. Even on Sunday night the street partying goes on until 2am.

Basilica Cisterns

The next day we were back at the Blue Mosque but with a different guide. Outside the Mosque is an area known as the Hippodrome of Constantinople. By way of compensation for the lack of any evidence of a hippodrome, there are three obelisks. The Obelisk of Theodosius is a massive granite monument originally from the Temple of Karnak in Egypt. It was originally erected by Pharaoh Thutmose III in the 15th century BC. Several conquests later, it was transported to Constantinople by Emperor Theodosius I in 390 AD. This was a serious technical undertaking. They needed to build a ship especially to carry it. The other two obelisks looked far less interesting. They were smaller and did not have hieroglyphics carved into them.

We moved on to the Hagia Sofia. Possibly the most famous Mosque in the world and certainly a cultural centrepiece of Istanbul. Originally built as a church in the 6th century it became the world’s largest interior space and among the first to employ a fully pendentive dome. Often considered the epitome of Byzantine architecture, it is said to have “changed the history of architecture”. After over a thousand years as the world’s largest cathedral, the Hagia Sophia was designated a mosque following the fall of Constantinople in 1453. The minarets were built shortly afterwards. In 1935 it became a museum and in 2020 a mosque again. Today it is a little of each. Visitors can access the first floor, for a fee. The ground floor is reserved for religious activity. Elements of the Christian history are still visible. Several mosaics remain and also a picture of the Mother Mary in the main dome. This is hidden behind a veil – no pictures of faces allowed in mosques.

The Sultans palace and museum were next and very conveniently located next door. The Ottoman sultans were revered as God-like figures and led a strangely cloistered existence. The museums started to give me brain fog although the weapons section (no photographs allowed) had some great swords.

Last visit of the day was to the Grand Bazaar. One of the largest covered bazaars on the planet boasting over 4,000 shops. Up to 400,000 visitors daily. In 2014, it was listed first among the world’s most-visited tourist attractions with 91,250,000 annual visitors. I don’t enjoy shopping and I don’t like crowds. The notion of spending a happy hour jostling with thousands of people to look at things you do not want to buy makes little sense to me. Fortunately, Diane is of a similar mindset. So, a quick look round and we escaped for a breath of fresh air.

Done with sightseeing for the day, we wandered off and found a machine for feeding cats. There are an awful lot of cats in Istanbul but, for the most part, they are well cared for. A government program neuters and vaccinates them. If you want to feed the cats you can put some cash in the machine which then deposits some kibble into a dish at the bottom. We also encountered a crowd of Liverpool football fans. They were here for a match at the main Istanbul stadium. There was a lot of drinking and singing going on. We gave this a wide berth although I was quite intrigued by the juxtaposition of the call to prayer with a rowdy rendition of “You’ll Never Walk Alone”.

In the evening, we went off looking for dinner. As you attempt to walk past most restaurants in Istanbul, someone with a menu will leap in front of you and attempt to entice you in. This is fine but on this occasion, we were specifically looking for some pede. Traditional fresh, flatbread stuffed with cheese and vegetables. The restaurant offered wine but no pede. No problem, they explained. Pede would be fetched for us from the pede specialist baker across the road (who did not serve wine). And so, it was. Drinks and starters directly from the restaurant, pedes, still hot, brought by our waiter running across the road.

Next day we looked at some colourful houses, small streets and churches. Then we dived into the Spice Bazaar. Small by comparison to the Grand Bazaar but still very crowded. I like spices. In fact, I’d even say, I was quite interested in them. Also, the displays of spices and herbs were colourful and artistically laid out. This made for some interesting photographic opportunities. Despite this, I had no intention of buying anything, so my attention was held for less than five minutes. I think I would prefer my spices in sealed jars rather than large containers that invite fingers, flies and anything else. Not to mention the fact that much of this stuff will lose its flavour if left out in the open too long.

A boat trip along the Bosphorus was a pleasant way to spend a couple of hours. The weather was nice and we were washed by a cool breeze while sat on the top deck. The Bosporus connects the Black Sea to the Sea of Marmara and forms one of the continental boundaries between Asia and Europe. It also divides Turkey by separating Asia Minor from Thrace. It is the world’s narrowest strait used for international navigation. Most of the shores are heavily populated. In Greek mythology, colossal floating rocks known as the Symplegades guarded both sides of the Bosporus destroying any ship that attempted to pass. They were finally overcome by the Argonaut hero Jason who passed between them unscathed. The rocks became fixed, opening Greek access to the Black Sea. It amused me that some of the tourist buses advertised themselves as BusForUs.

We sailed along the European side up to the second bridge. The Fatih Sultan Mehmet Bridge built in 1988. Then we crossed to the Asian side and came back. Along the way we saw elaborate homes built for sultans and modern homes with panoramic windows built for rich businessmen. We saw a very flashy looking hotel and also a couple of cruise liners, each packing 4,000 or so guests.

Last item of the day was the Basilica Cistern. This is something I have wanted to visit for a while. It is a vast underground water tank. This does not sound very exciting. It was built in the 6th century underneath a site where a large Roman basilica (multipurpose building) had stood. This remarkable engineering feat was completed when London was just a little village by a river. 360 columns were requisitioned from old Roman buildings and temples. 7,000 slaves were used in the construction. I have pondered how they did this. My best guess is in digging holes and sliding the columns in. Then the roof is built, the surplus soil is removed and finally you can build the walls. The cistern provided a water filtration system for the Great Palace of Constantinople and other buildings on the First Hill. After the Ottoman conquest in 1453 it was mostly forgotten about and only used by locals. They used to fish in it. In 1985 the first major restoration began but not before being used by James Bond in 1963 for the classic “From Russia with love”. He uses the cistern to paddle under the Russian embassy – spoiler, the embassy is not really there, or anywhere close. The last restoration and earthquake proofing was completed in 2022. This included safe flooring and some nice lighting. The result is quite spectacular. Give me a interesting hole in the ground over a crowded ancient mall any day.

Back at our hotel, we went up to the rooftop bar to take photographs. The bar was closed but the views were still pretty good. In the distance we could see the busy Bosphorus. Closer were masses of small flats interspersed with mosques. Apparently there are over 8,000 mosques in Istanbul. The essential story behind many of them involved a rich person attempting to guarantee a good personal outcome in the afterlife.

In the evening we looked at a tower and a tram. Then we drifted aimlessly for a short while before finding a place for dinner. Next morning we would be flying to Cairo.

Todmorden to Istanbul

We arrived back in the UK the day before David’s funeral. My sister’s husband, David, had been battling MND (Motor Neuron Disease) for several years. It is a particularly cruel disease. From being an elite mountain marathon runner, David’s body was reduced, slowly but steadily, until he literally could not lift a finger and struggled to talk. His mind however, was still clear, sharp as a knife and his sense of humour undiminished. It was sad, painful to watch. We tried to help where we could. In particular, we accompanied Dave and Helen on trips to the Swiss Alps, to Morocco, to Italy and elsewhere. Each trip, was harder and more challenging for all of us.

Over two hundred people turned up for his funeral. They could not all fit into the church. Such was the respect he had locally. He had done well. From an apprentice at the local foundry he had gone on to gain a PhD and ended up a lecturer at the university. Along the way, he had three wonderful daughters, made a big muddy splash in the world of fell running and married my sister. He beat off an aggressive cancer but then, when the recovery was not going to plan, he was diagnosed with MND and cast onto its inevitable path. That was a most difficult day. The end of his suffering was a bitter-sweet affair. We were sad to lose him. There was also a sense of relief that his suffering was over.

This is the lovely Ailsa, David’s youngest daughter, she is running in the London marathon next April. She will be running the 26.2 miles (46.2 km) in honour of her father. Also, very importantly, to raise money for the MND Association. Details are here.

While in the UK we also celebrated Diane’s seventieth birthday. She was not very keen on this. It was easy to understand that marking the progress of the unavoidable did not sit well just then. We went off to a lighthouse near Newport for a few days. The West Usk lighthouse on the entrance to the Bristol channel was abandoned by Trinity house a hundred years ago. Since then, it has been wonderfully restored. We stayed in a small keepers cottage with a view straight out onto the channel. Here we could watch the sea washing over the mud flats driven by one of the largest tides in the world. We walked along the shore edge, watched the birds, cooked ourselves some great food and drank wine saved for the occasion. It was peaceful, introspective and a touch melancholic but we left feeling much more settled. The rest of our time in the UK was spent pleasantly visiting friends and helping Helen around the house.

Off again. A night at a Manchester airport hotel then we were flying into Istanbul. First attempt to land did not go well. The pilot aborted the landing a few metres before touchdown. Strong winds were the problem. I was reminded of the old maxim that any landing you can walk away from is a good one. Ten minutes later the second attempt went much better. Istanbul is enormous. 20m people. Istanbul airport is enormous. Twenty-minute taxi in the aircraft before we reached our stand. Quickly through passport control, baggage collection and customs. Forty-minute ride to our hotel, check-in, drop bags in room and head out for some food. Just like that we were travelling again. Felt great.

One of our favourite ways to look around a new city is by motorbike and sidecar. We found a company and met up with them the next day. Our bike was a Russian Ural. Looked like an old BMW with a big, air cooled flat two engine. Sounded great but tended to overheat in traffic. Our driver, Cem, clearly enjoyed his job. We shot off into the crowded Turkish streets and straight into weaving between cars, trucks, pedestrians and the occasional dog. It is a very exciting way to get around although you need to trust your driver. He took us to mosques, churches and other historic buildings. We visited a viewpoint in a park and posed with the bike. We crossed one of the immense bridges that span the Bosphorus to the Asian side of Istanbul. Another terrific viewpoint and then some small streets, too small for cars, before popping out by the docks. A small ferry brought us back to Europe where we drove against the traffic up a one-way road. Our driver had a Eventually we arrived close to the Hagia Sophia and were served pistachio coffee – delicious.

Our driver took a break. We’d been on the go well over three hours, so the lad needed a rest. One of his colleagues offered to walk us over to the Blue Mosque and some other sights. We followed him into the courtyard and he promptly got arrested. The policeman explained that we were being protected from scammers. Back at the coffee shop, it was explained as a big misunderstanding. When our guide returned, twenty minutes later, it was to a severe ribbing from his friends. First day out in Istanbul and we already had excitement and drama.

Hornsund

In the south eastern corner of Svalbard is the multifaceted Hornsund fjord. Considered by many to one of the more spectacular fjords in the archipelago it boasts numerous bays, mountains and glacial valleys. We arrived on a glorious sunny morning. Our boat group was near the end of the list so we had plenty of time for breakfast. Everyone is organised into small groups, approximately a boat full. The groups are called down in turn to the hull opening where we actually board the RHIBs. This keeps things moderately orderly and avoids queues. The order in which groups are called rotates each excursion, so sometimes you get off early and other times you have to wait.  Waiting, in this case, involved breakfast so I thought this was ideal. Meals are all served as a buffet. The food is very good. Possibly the best we have ever had on a cruise ship. As vegetarians, we feel that sometimes we get a bit of poor deal. This breakfast was lovely. The man cooked me a cheese and onion omelette which I had with a hash browns. Yogurt on the side with fresh fruit, seeds and nuts. A large cappuccino. Good start for the day.

The landing at Burgerbukta was pleasant. Terrific views of mountains and glaciers. We walked up a small slope to a viewpoint. On the way back down I spotted a seal in the water. Spent a while sneaking up on it to get a better photograph but it made sure I did not get too close. I also stood on a rock almost a meter from the edge of the shore. Much to my surprise, I did not get told off. Perhaps no-one spotted my reckless gymnastics.

In the afternoon we had a second landing, at Gnålodden. There is a large bird cliff here. Many seabirds were soaring and swooping overhead. Mostly kittiwakes and guillemots. Very noisy. We had a gentle walk and spotted a pair of young kittiwakes (I think) nesting on a ledge. Our evening excursion was into an inlet opposite the Gnålodden landing site. Here the Spitzbergen sailed in close to the calving edge of the glacier. A spectacular way to end the day.

By the following day we had left the Hornsund fjord and were heading north again ever closer to Longyearbyen. We landed at Calypsobyen, another failed coal mine. Decrepit huts and rusting metal are all that remain. These still count as historic relics though so strictly no touching.

In the afternoon we landed at Bamsebu and more relics of another way of life.  There were bones here. Great piles of bleached white bones from walrus and seal but mostly beluga whales. All left over from the hunting activities of yesteryear. The beluga would come into the shallows of the bay to feed and then get harpooned from a small rowing boat. Wooden winches on the beach were used to drag the bodies ashore for flensing. Even these bones, the rubbish from a way of life that thankfully died out decades ago, are relics and must be carefully sidestepped.

Our final day exploring Svalbard began at Trygghamna and the cliffs of Alkhornethosted. Reputedly home to 10,000 nesting pairs of seabirds. I can confirm that there were certainly a lot of them. We also saw a few reindeer here. Little Svalbard reindeer with thick woolly coats. The afternoon was spent boat cruising at Ymerbukta in front of the grumbling Esmarkbreen glacier. Up close to the glacier you could see some of the incredible complexity built by hundreds of years of snow being laid down to become ice. Though the odd crack, a cross section into a crevasse or an ice cave you could spot the deep, dark intense blue colour of ancient ice. Our guide assured me that the colour comes from refraction in the ice. Actually it comes from absorption, the same effect that makes the sky blue. It did not seem worth arguing the point at the time. Whatever it is caused by, it is spectacular in a rather eerie and menacing way.

We docked at Longyearbyen late in the evening. But before we got there, we sailed up past Barentsburg. The second largest settlement in Svalbard is Russian. A mining settlement established in the 1920s by the Dutch and then sold to the Russians. Svalbard is under Norwegian sovereignty but all signatories to the Svalvard Treaty of 1920 have equal rights over the exploitation of natural resources. Russia has continued mining operations there despite a few incidents such as a major underground fire in 2006. Since the invasion of Ukraine the situation has become increasingly fractious and delicate. Although Barentsburg is only 55 km from Longyearbyen there are no connecting roads and there is only very limited contact.  The Spitzbergen did not get very close to the town but we could clearly see the mine buildings, power stations and accommodation units. It all smacked of that soviet era efficiency and purposefulness. We did not see any people. No-one appeared to be walking outside at all.

Next morning, very early , we were bundled onto the plane and before lunch we were back in Oslo collecting the car on a 30°C sweltering summers day. We took a steady drive back to the ferry at Rotterdam over several days. This gave us time to call in on a few friends. The inimitable Lars and Inge are still going strong despite a few health scares. As we left they were surrounded by daughters and grandchildren in a very solid and endearing family scene. We also spent a lovely few hours with Silke and Carston who have a fantastic house on the island of Sylt. We missed Kai in a confusion of dates. Sorry – next time, Kai. At the port border control we had a slightly odd discussion with the passport man who could not understand how we had been in Norway but outside of Schengen. I showed him the stamps in my passport and wondered why I was having to explain how the Schengen border works to a Schengen border official. Eventually he just muttered something and waved us on. A border guard that does not know his borders. Eventually we were on the ferry to Hull toasting the end of another trip and preparing for the dull thud of dropping into reality.

Bråasvellbreenbook

In the night, when it did not get dark, we returned from the ice edge to the islands of Svalbard. Specifically we arrived on the southern side of Chermsideøya. A rough little island that is only visited occasionally. Diane opted to stay near the landing site. I followed the flags across some rocks and a patch of snow to look at some geoglyphs. The walk was interesting, the geoglyphs less so. To me, they looked like some kids had been laying out rocks to spell their names. However, I was assured that these were historic markings from Arctic expeditions back to the 19th century thus making them historic artifacts. Walking back, I went the wrong way round a boulder and got told off by one of the expedition team whose job was to make sure irresponsible tourists did not stray from the marked path. Fortunately, nothing bad happened and I survived unscathed.

In the afternoon we landed at Isflakbukta on the island of of Phippsøya. I cannot remember any of these names, in fact I cannot even pronounce most of them, but I can copy them from the expedition journal. I hope you are impressed. The weather had come in a bit. A low, sullen cloud settled damply on the hills around us. Here we were shown the most northerly cabin in Svalbard although we were not allowed anywhere near it. We were also encouraged to pick up rubbish. There was a lot of debris washed up on the beach. As far as I could tell it was bits of broken fishing gear – ropes, nets, floats, plastic sacs. I suggested to one of the expedition team that maybe the fishermen should be encouraged to clean up their own rubbish but she was not impressed with this idea. In all, some 90 kg of flotsam was collected and added to the Hx environmental credentials.

Next morning, near the island of Kvitøya, we spotted polar bears. Several of them wandering along the shore. The Svalbard Environmental Protection Act prohibits unnecessary disturbance, attraction, or pursuit of polar bears. It also specifies that ships should keep a minimum distance of 500 m. Even for something as enormous as a polar bear, this is still quite a distance for photography. Pictures tend to end up being a white dot in a grey landscape. There is however, apparently, a glorious exception to the distance rule. This is when a bear swims out to look at your ship. I would guess they are attracted by the smell of food. I am also guessing that manoeuvring a vessel with a bear in close proximity potentially endangers it. So, we just sit there, bobbing around, while the bear comes and inspects us. From the safety of the gunwale I can lean over with my big, news lens and look the bear in its eye. Brilliant. I took a lot of pictures. Here are just a few of them.

We continued sailing down the east coast of Nordaustlandet until, in the evening, we encountered the Bråsvellbreen. This is a massive glacier with about 45 km of ice cliffs calving into the sea. Reminded me of Antarctica and the Brunt ice shelf. I mentioned this to one of the crew but they disagreed. I realised later that their experience of Antarctica was limited to the norther tip of the peninsular. This is as far as most tourist ships ever get. So they had never seen an ice shelf. Whatever, it was all quite spectacular and we spent a very pleasant evening taking in the views, taking and few photographs and taking the occasional glass of wine.

Next day there was another ugly of walruses.  A great big blubbery pile of them on the beach. We could get a bit closer this time. We landed at Kapp Lee on the northeastern tip of Edgeøya island. There are some old trappers huts here and we had an excellent walk up a small hill to look at birds. There were a few reindeer around that were keeping their distance. There was also a fox. I did not see it but someone showed me a picture later. Arriving at the ugly of walruses, we kept a respectful distance, aided by a line of barrier flags that had been set up. Occasionally one would lift its head, snort and dribble snot. Very briefly we spotted a couple of walruses having some sort of disagreement in the water. I do like walruses but I cannot help thinking that the save the walrus campaign might be more successful if they smartened themselves up a bit.

Kinnvika

In the evening, we sailed north to the little island of Moffin. Just north of the 80th parallel, this island hosts a large flock of walruses. Other collective noun for walruses are: herd, huddle, pod and ugly. An ugly of walruses. They can live for 30 years and weigh over 1.5 tonne. Large tusks make them formidable adversaries. They are predated by polar bears and orca but generally just the young or injured walruses. As is often the case in the Arctic, their biggest enemy is humans. Today there are around 5,000 walruses around Svalbard but in the previous two centuries they were nearly hunted into extinction. Blubber and ivory are the major products.

Commercial walrus harvesting is now outlawed, although Chukchi, Yupik and Inuit peoples are permitted to kill small numbers towards the end of each summer. I was thrilled to finally see some walrus. The Spitsbergen kept a good distance from the uglies. The word uglies here could refer to several groups of walruses or it might just hint at the ugliness of the walrus. They lack the cuteness of the polar bear or the sleekness of an orca. They dribble a lot and roll around in the muck. Distance and poor light made photography, even with the new camera, difficult. The sun never set the whole time we were up there. It did however dip towards the horizon in the evening.

Next morning we woke at Kinnvika, a former research station in the high Arctic landscape of Nordaustlandet. The station built during the International Geophysical Year (IGY) 1957-59. This was also when the first base at Halley Bay, Antarctica was built. Halley base is still going strong. I worked there in 1988/9. Kinnvike sadly, has fallen into disrepair. There are still several huts scattered around. One of them I recognised as being built for auroral observations. A rusting amphibious vehicle is parked outside. This looked like it would have been great fun in its day. The base has been used a couple of times since IGY but essentially it is just a historical relic.

Leaving Kinnvike, we spotted a fin whale. Second largest cetacean after the blue whale. Up to 80 tonnes. Like other large whales the population was devastated in the post war whaling boom and they are still only very slowly recovering. A rare privilege to spot one.

It is a common misconception that most whales were killed during the romantic age of whaling. Wooden boats and heroic sailors of the 18th and 19th century. This sentimentalised view comes from the literature, art, and popular culture of the age. The exoticism of faraway voyages and the epic battles with giant whales held great popular appeal. The reality is that most whales were killed, after WW2, using explosive harpoons fired from fast motorboats. They were processed in massive factory ships that could handle hundreds of whales at a time. This was a valuable contribution to the post-war economy of many countries. Whaling finally abated when petroleum products became viable alternatives. At the same time, the whaling industry, with the steep decline of global whale populations, became uneconomic.

In the afternoon we reached the bird cliffs of Alkefjellet. From a distance these look like normal cliffs but as we got closer, in the RHIBs, we could see the birds. Thousands of them. Mostly Brünnich’s guillemots with a few other types to add colour. The air was full of birds, the cliffs were covered in nesting birds and the smell was, well, distinctive. Nesting, in this case, means perching on impossibly small ledges and using any lower perching birds as a toilet. The guillemots are also known as thick-billed murres. Their chicks have a harsh start in life. Once big enough, they jump off the cliff and try to make it to the water where a parent is waiting. The dilemma, as I saw it, is that if you nest lower down, the chick has an easier route to the water but you need to put up with all the birds higher up. The rocks, in places are completely white with bird guano. Nesting higher up means the chick bounces more on the way down and so has less chance of arriving intact. Sailing close to the cliffs we found it advisable to wear a hat. The birds took very little notice of us. Even so, we were careful not to get too close. Back on the ship we settled down for the evening while the captain set a course due north.

By the morning, we were considerably further north and surrounded by mist. Lunchtime the mist began to lift as we arrived at the ice edge. At just over 82°N this was the southern limit of the Arctic ice cap. The ice was mostly brash. Loose pieces of broken pack ice that stretched to the horizon. An ice ship could have ploughed straight into this but the Spitsbergen is not built for the rough stuff so we just pottered around the edge. Even so, this was a record, the farthest north ever reached by a ship in the HX fleet.

The north pole was just 550 miles away. We spent the rest of the at the ice edge. There were a few sea birds, mostly guillemots. A few seals. And a terrific view of ice. Ice everywhere.