Corbett

Jim Corbett, an Anglo-Indian, was born in 1875. A second-generation descendant of Irish immigrants, he lived in Northern India where he worked for the railway companies. In his spare time, he hunted man-eating tigers. A fine hobby for a fit, young man. Across India, as many as a thousand people were killed by tigers and big cats each year. The Champawat tiger, which killed over 430 people in Nepal and India, was Jim’s first man-eater which he shot in 1907. He went on to shoot many more and wrote books about his exploits. As he got older, he became one of the first conservationists. He wrestled with the conflict between his love of the forest and killing forest animals. From 1920 onwards he became increasingly interested in photography. Corbett was fascinated by the work of his acquaintance Frederick Champion, who devised ways of recording tigers on cine film. Jim soon came to appreciate that unlike a trophy, which soon loses its colour and elegance, photographs lasted forever, did not result in an animal’s death, and required somewhat greater skill—because the early cameraman had to get much closer than the rifleman. In 1934 Corbett was instrumental in establishing India’s first national park. Over 300 square kilometres of forest in the Ramganga river valley. In 1957, it was renamed the Jim Corbett National Park.

Our residence was delightfully named Jim’s Jungle Retreat. The general area around here is what I would call a forest rather than a jungle. However, at the retreat, they have made a big effort to plant it up like a jungle. Gravel paths flanked by lush vegetation wind their way between the lodges and the pool/dining area. Gravel is used to ensure that nobody inadvertently sneaks up on any visiting animals. Leopards and tigers have been filmed by the lodge.

We arrived late afternoon. The resident naturalist introduced himself and then took us on a walk round the site. The kitchen gardens were extensive. We saw many things growing that were new to me. Okra, turmeric and others. I took a fresh lime from the small orchard of trees. Later, I squeezed the juice and mixed it with gin. This was remarkably satisfying and very tasty.

At Vanghat, we walked everywhere. Here it was all motorised. Much less effort but also felt nowhere near as close to nature. We still began early in the morning. It was cold and we had not had any breakfast. We sat in the back of an open-air Mahindra. An Indian AWD vehicle similar to a Jeep. With the wind in our face, it was very cold. For the first time in months, I needed a sweater and a jacket. A short drive took us to the park entrance. Here we needed to queue until the official opening time. A few vendors tried to sell us hats and t-shirts, but their heart was not in it. Still too early and chilly.

We finally got into the park, along with a handful of other visitors, all in regulation jeeps. The vehicles soon split up and went in different directions. The pattern for the next couple of days was soon established. Diane had the binoculars. I had my camera. The guide sat next to the driver. Occasionally the guide would spot something. The car would stop. I would attempt to photograph the thing that was spotted and Diane would observe it though the binoculars. We saw birds. An awful lot of birds. I do not know enough about birding to say whether they were rare or special. However, some of them were very cute, or colourful, or both. There are a lot of peafowl around. That is one I knew. The peacock is the national bird of India. We typically would see a group of one peacock with three or four peahens.

The sun came up and very quickly thawed us out. By 10am we were back at the lodge and very ready for breakfast. The food was great. Massala cheese omelette served on a stuffed paratha is becoming my new favourite breakfast. After breakfast, we went back to bed. We had been up since before 5am and had a second safari scheduled for the afternoon.

Early afternoon and we did the same thing again. This time it was warmer. We also visited a different area of the nature reserve. Tigers are the big draw of this nature reserve. All the guides assume that visitors mostly want to see tigers. Other animals and birds are incidental although their warning calls could help us find tigers. Hopes were high of a tiger sighting for the afternoon. We crossed a bridge and saw two Langur monkeys licking the wall. They like the salt that leaches out of the bricks.

Further on, we came across an elephant. A male elephant with large tusks. Locals call this a “tusker”. It was stood in the middle of the track throwing dust over its back. We stopped well back and watched. The tusker was picking up a shovelful of dust from the track and flicking it over its back. The layer of dust acts as a natural sunscreen, protecting their sensitive skin from sunburn in hot climates. It also creates a barrier that deters biting insects like mosquitoes and helps to get rid of parasites and other skin irritants.

While we were watching, a sloth bear slipped across the road in the distance. Sloth bears have nothing to do with sloths. They are a black bear, 100 kg, shaggy fur. Quite a rare sighting and I completely failed to get a photograph of it. We left the tusker to its dust bath and headed off in another direction. Many classic great vultures were flying along a riverbed. I managed to get a few pictures. A few spotted deer and a wild boar later, we came across a whole heard of elephants walking away from us.

Back at the lodge we found that it was film night by the pool. Several couples were sitting around, each with a personal fire pit. We took our seats and watched a documentary about Jim Corbett. We also watched some footage from trail cameras that are dotted around the lodges. The previous night, a leopard had walked past. Very exciting. Dinner, as usual in India, was excellent.  We made sure to crunch the gravel path loudly on the way back to our room.

Vanghat

We were back in Delhi and the city was as polluted as ever. Rubbish everywhere and a smog that you could cut with a knife. I learned that the reported Air Quality Index (AQI) is capped at 500. So, officially, it can never be higher than 500. The morning we left, the AQI was just a shade under 500. Looking out across the city, the limited view was like a heavy and slightly yellowed fog had rolled in. It was a long drive to the Vanghat safari lodge but we were quite happy to put plenty of distance between us and the smog.

Early-afternoon we met Sumatha Ghosh, owner of Vanghat Lodge at a small village for lunch. He explained what we would be doing and drove with us for an hour or so until we arrived at a pedestrian suspension bridge. The car could go no further. We were prepared for this and had packed everything we needed for a few days into our two smallest cases. Fortunately, there were some young, strong men to carry them for us. One of the most remote wildlife lodges in Northern Indian forests, Vanghat is an internationally acclaimed eco-lodge located on a secluded bank of the Western Ramganga River deep inside Kalagarh Tiger Reserve division of the Corbett Tiger Reserve. Crossing the bridge felt like the start of a small adventure. We had a bit of a hike to the lodge where were going to stay in a mud hut. We left the main track and descended down to the river on a small footpath. It was easy going and we took our time while Sumatha pointed out various birds. He clearly had a passion for birding.

After a steady walk of half an hour or so we got to the river crossing. This was a small raft attached to a rope stretched across the river. A little care was needed getting on and off the bamboo platform. In all other respects a perfectly effective way to cross a river. Each year the monsoon raises the river level by many metres making a more permanent bridge quite impractical. A little further beyond the raft brought us to a gate through a high electric fence. This was mostly to keep elephants out simply because they can inadvertently cause so much damage. Tigers on the other hand could easily leap over the fence. We were assured this was unlikely to happen. Finally, we arrived at the lodge just as it got dark.

Our room was quite nice. Mud was used in its construction but it was not the kind of circular thatched affair I had imagined. We had a nice bed and some of the usual facilities except for hot water. That arrived later in a large bucket. Dinner was made, in part, from plants found around the lodge. It was excellent. Then it was an early night ready for a start before sunrise in the morning.

A cup of masala chai and we were off at first light, literally. Soon as it was light enough to see we were trudging off along the riverbank. Further along the valley we came to another raft. We hopped onto this like old hands.  From here the path looped quite steeply up away from the river. Like the previous day, we stopped frequently to look at birds and other things. There were termite mounds all over the place. A sign of a healthy forest apparently.

We came across some tiger tracks. Fresh from the day before. We also found elephant dung. This is easy to spot. It is enormous. No special skills required to identify where elephants have been. A couple of hours drifted past pleasantly and then we arrived at a waterfall. Time for breakfast. More masala tea, hard boiled eggs and wraps with curried vegetables. A variety of birds were flying around the waterfall. Sumatha pointed them out and I mostly failed to photograph them. It was dark in the gulley where the birds were flitting around. And they were very small. That is my excuse.

Breakfast done, we walked back the same way. We spotted a few more birds and an enormous spider. After a light lunch we grabbed a couple of hours sleep. Then it was another walk but this time staying quite close to the lodge. Back just as night was falling. We sat around a fire pit munching freshly cooked pakora and listened to the forest sounds. The alarm call of a Barking Deer alerted the guide to the presence of a tiger. It never came near the lodge but later on we heard its deep roar. Much more exciting than piped music while we were eating dinner.

The next day also started before sunrise. by first light we were crossing on the bamboo raft. This time we headed quite steeply up the side of the valley. The path became narrow and quite precipitous. A steep, loose slope to the river. To my surprise, we found elephant droppings. Despite their great size, elephants are extremely capable on steep mountainsides. An hour further down track we came across tiger prints. A mother with a cub we were assured. Shortly after this we stopped for breakfast.

A long steady climb uphill brought us to a village. We were met on the outskirts by an older villager who was going to show us around. First, he told us that a mother tiger with two cubs had been spotted very close to the village the night before. The village was quite interesting. Lots of kitchen gardens and an impressive spread of plants that can be grown. Everything from potatoes to mangoes. Our guide also showed us the village cannabis plants. Not for smoking but they did make little balls from the leaves that then went into the cooking. We sat around and drank some masala chai with biscuits. Finally, we walked down to the roadhead and met up with our car ready to take us to the next jungle lodge.

Taj Mahal

Designated as a UNESCO World Heritage Site in 1983 for being “the jewel of Islamic art in India and one of the universally admired masterpieces of the world’s heritage”.  The Taj Mahal is regarded as one of the best examples of Mughal architecture and a symbol of Indian history. It has been voted one of the new seven wonders of the world. Obviously, this makes it a massive tourist attraction. Over five million visitors a year. We needed to have a look. I think pretty much everyone that comes to India needs to give it a look.

As seems to be our new normal, this involved an early morning. We arrived just after sunrise. Unfortunately, the harsh and premature awakening did not help from a photographic perspective. Although the sky was clear of clouds there was thin mist hanging over everything. My hopes of a crisp, clear picture were thwarted. On the upside, the crowds are considerably smaller at this unholy hour.

The Taj Mahal is not a temple or church or mosque or anything like that. It is a mausoleum. Inside are just two coffins. It is not used for worship or celebration. Although, it would be a cracking place for a rock concert. In short, it is a monument to love. In 1631 Mumtaz Mahal died while giving childbirth. It was her 14th child to her husband the fifth Mughal emperor, Shah Jahan. He was heartbroken. Jahan was feeling bad. Historically he was mourning the love of his life. I wondered if there might also be some remorse over his role in so many childbirths. Either way, he decided to build an impressive monument to her. The Shah succeeded spectacularly. Construction took 22 years. When Shah Jahan died at the goodly age of 74, he was entombed there as well.

Our guide was very enthusiastic about the artistic perfection of building. Certainly, it was clear that a lot of work went into it. 20,000 artisans, labourers, painters and others. A 15 km earthen ramp to transport marble, hauled on specially constructed wagons by teams of oxen and elephants. Our guide explained how the foundations were designed to be earthquake proof. The evidence for that being observable fact that it has never collapsed. He also explained that the minarets leaned slightly outwards so as to not intrude into the artistic perfection of the main citadel. Wikipedia however, suggests the outward lean is to prevent damage to the dome if a tower should collapse. These days pollution is taking its toll. Acid rain and pollution affecting the Yamuna River including the presence of Mathura Oil Refinery have turned the dome a bit of a mucky yellow-brown colour. Cleaning is underway.

We queued for a while to have a look inside. There is more of the impressive marble work but not much else. The tombs are tucked away underground and not accessible. Photographs are not allowed. We exited on the river side. The Taj sits on a platform above the banks of the Yamuna River. Another great photo opportunity here but sadly, with the mist, we could barely see the river.

Taj done we went for breakfast. The train people had set up a camp on a grassy hill with a view of the Taj. This was rather nice. The weather was pleasant. A couple of guys were doing some music. We got dots painted on our foreheads with some chanting. I wasn’t too sure about this but there was champagne afterwards, so I let it go. Finally, back into the golf carts where the children chased us back down the hill to the train station.

Ranthambore

It was a 5am start. Never my favourite. However, we were off to see some animals and it is often the case that dawn is the best time to spot stuff. Ranthambore National Park is 500 square miles of protected land to the SE of Rajasthan. We were collected from the train in open top small trucks. Sixteen people to a truck. We had a reasonable view and I was pleased that I did not have to try to photograph through a window. It had been raining overnight. Serious, heavy rain that I could hear bouncing off the roof of the train. Only just stopped by the time we set off. The roads were muddy with large puddles. The air felt cleaner and fresh. A blessed relief from the smog of Delhi and the people smells in the crowded train.

A short drive took us the park entrance. With very little discussion, by India standards, we were allowed in. Each of the trucks from the train headed off in different directions. The park is divided into sectors. Trucks are allocated a sector to visit. This is to prevent overcrowding in specific areas, I think. We bounced along for a kilometre or so and finally got clear of the rubbish. India is a big rubbish dump. I do not want to sound too rude about this but there is rubbish everywhere. Every street, every river, along the rail tracks. Absolutely all over the place. I guess the locals become so used to it that they stop seeing it anymore. Just seems like a part of life. Fortunately for the wildlife in the park things are a bit more controlled.

We passed a couple of small lakes and spotted some crocodiles. They lurked in the still water with only the tops of their heads and their eyes above the water. Crocodiles are an ancient species. Millions of years before a human ever used a club as a tool, they were prowling and waiting in rivers. Perfectly evolved for their environment. They float quietly until prey get too close. With an incredible burst of primal power, they grab the animal and drag it down to a dark, watery grave. Birds too. Marsh crocodiles have been observed using branches and leaves on their heads as lures. The bird come down to collect some nesting material. By the time the hapless heron realises its mistake the jaws of death are closing around it. Clever and patient the crocodile watches us.

Signs on the truck advise passengers not to get off within the park. Crocodiles might snack on a tourist. So would the Bengal Tigers that the park is famous for. We were told it was unlikely we would see a tiger. Naturally this does not put anyone off hoping to catch a glimpse. Also, monkeys can be a problem. They will not eat you but they might steal your sunglasses or a hat or your camera.

Birdlife is abundant. The Rufous Treepie is bright and colourful. It is a type of crow. Usually, we do not like crows and do not photograph them. This one however looked lovely and took a piece of cake out of Diane’s hand. Red-wattled Lapwings were common along the lakeshores. Nice snack size for a crocodile. We saw several small groups of Great Thick-knee Curlew. Quite a few Peacocks were running around and I spotted an Indian Darter (snakebird) showing off in a tree. I hope this all sounds like I know what I am talking about. The reality is more to do with Google.

There was also White-throated Kingfisher which I identified correctly as being the bird on the label of Kingfisher Beer. Later we spotted a White-breasted Waterhen with outrageously big feet. There was a heron of some sort and whole bunch of Yellow-footed Green Pigeons. Again, normally, no-one wants a pigeon photograph. These, however, were cheerful and cute. Very pretty. Monkeys as well. Grey Langurs were the only ones I could identify. Considered sacred in some areas.

Then our driver got a radio call and we were told to sit down and hang on. There was the possibility of a tiger. The calm, gentle pottering along tracks suddenly turned into a competitive off-road event. Frankly, this was not a great vehicle for muddy tracks. Two-wheel drive and balding tyres. Our driver was not put off however. He slammed the gearbox crunching through gears while we swung perilously round corners. Mud and water sprayed everywhere. We all tried to hold onto something. There were involuntary communal groans when we hit a bump. The suspension had given up trying many years before. But driving like a rally stage worked. We dropped down into a dip and came across a couple of other vehicles.

There, in the bushes to one side, was a Bengal Tiger. 250 kg of apex predator, a perfect killing machine, snoozing in the bushes with his legs in the air. The sheer size of the magnificent animal was impressive. Took no notice of us. No need to really. They know guns are banned and nobody was going to poke him with a stick. We were only there for mere moments. I tried really hard to get a clear photograph through the undergrowth. Then we were off again. Apparently, we were late now so we had to rush back. I think the driver just enjoyed channelling his inner Colin McRae. Almost made it back before the rain started again. The heavens opened. The truck had no canopy. At least the rain was warm. We arrived at the station utterly soaked but triumphant. We had been the only group from the train that saw a tiger.

All that before breakfast. I was hungry. As already mentioned, food on the train was good. Breakfast was a stuffed paratha to accompany a chilli, onion and cheese omelette. A glass of mango lassi, coffee, croissant and I was good to go. Where I actually went was back to bed for an hour. Meanwhile the train moved on down the line a few more miles. Here we all bundled off for a very ordinary drive in a coach to the deserted Mughal City of Fatehpur Sikri.  Built by Emperor Akbar in 1580, this was the capital of the Mughal Empire for a brief period before being abandoned, likely due to water scarcity. 20 years from new build to total abandonment. I am sure there should be more to this story but I have not found it yet.

My experience was dominated by the intricate carved sandstone and a man jumping into a water tank. We had a guide. There was quite a large group of people and anyhow I could not understand him. Wandering around on my own I peered over a wall to see a man, 30’ below, waving at me frantically. “I will jump into the water for you” he said, pointing into a large tank of bright green stagnant water. I honestly was not too sure what to make of this. It was a good guess that he would be wanting some money but diving into a lethal lake seemed a bit extreme. I looked around for mutual support. Soon there were a good dozen people looking over the wall. “Don’t worry, it’s my job” he shouted. Whipped his shirt off and leap a good 25’ down into the terrible tank. I was pleased to see him emerge without obvious damage. I imagine the pus oozing sores will erupt later. He was rewarded with a small shower of small notes that we dropped down to him. What a way to make a living.

Jaipur

Time for a train ride. We joined the Maharajas’ Express for a few days. This is a luxury train that does several circular routes from Delhi. It meant an early start. 7:30 am saw us arriving at the train station. The red carpet had been rolled out and we were greeted with garlands of flowers. The train arrived a few minutes later and we were shown to our cabin. This all seemed very promising. We found our way to the restaurant car and as the train set off for Jaipur, we settled down for a late breakfast.

By lunchtime we had unpacked and installed into our new room. I was enjoying watching the countryside roll past but there was a problem. I could not take any photographs. All the windows on the train are heavy and tinted so that people cannot see in from the outside. They are thick and distort the image. You do not notice this especially when looking through the window because your brain is remarkably good at compensating for this sort of thing. However, as soon as you look at a photograph taken through the window, you can immediately see how distorted it is. I searched the train. I could not find anywhere to get outside. There was not a single window that could be opened. I tried a few ways of taking pictures but the results were hopeless. For me, this was a big disappointment. I would have been very happy watching the world roll past and snapping a few images of it.

Second disappointment came just a few hours later when we failed to arrive in Jaipur. We did arrive eventually. I don’t know what caused the delay. It was dark when we finally arrived. We were given a tour of Amber Fort. In the dark. So, we could not see too much and photography was difficult.

Jaipur is the capital of Rajasthan. Amber Fort sits on top of a hill above the village of Amer and overlooking Jaipur. The views are probably spectacular. Back at the train, we were served an excellent dinner.

Next day started with a museum visit. We survived that and then got taken to the first carpet shop of the trip. This one was making jewellery. We sat in front of three craftsmen that were hand cutting stones. They looked very bored and were possibly keen to get back to their day jobs. An enthusiastic young man explained how their jewellery was the authentic item and how many hours it took an artisan to make. Each craftsman was descended from generations of craftsmen all passing on the secrets of stone cutting. We were eventually led into the showroom. Many of our group, especially those spending US dollars, embraced this with gusto. Diane looks at a few rings but then spotted the prices. I got a free cup of instant coffee.

After a few more hours train travel, we arrived at the Hotel Rambagh Palace. This is a very posh hotel. We were there for dinner. First, we got taken on a tour. I thought it was a bit of an odd tour. We were shown three dining rooms of increasing opulence. They were impressive and eating in any of them would have been a grand experience. We were taken outside and shown a parade of elephants, camels and horses. This was not for our benefit but for a wedding taking part in another part of the hotel.

Finally, we were shown to our tables set up outside, on a lawn. Bit of a letdown after the grandiose rooms we had strolled through. Shortly after I sat down, a man turned up and proceeded to wrap a turban on my head. I am not really one for dressing up, but Diane was impressed. The meal was very good. If, like me, you enjoy vegetarian curries then India is definitely the place. Also, turned out to be very pleasant sitting outside. Who needs a posh dining room?

Delhi

At Manchester airport we spent ages in queues for security, passport control and the rest. Jordan was an epic security check. We had to wait for a phone call to ensure that our binoculars were allowed – this was as we were leaving the country which seemed a little late to me. Dubai by comparison, was wonderfully easy and quick. The airport is right in the middle of the city – so just a 5-minute transfer. No queues at all. Easy checks. The flight was great. Air India do not have a great reputation but it worked well for us. The food was excellent and a glass of champagne for breakfast made it feel like a celebration. Delhi airport was reasonably painless and just like that we were in India.

First thing that struck us was the pollution. On the day we arrived the Air Quality Index (AQI) was over 400. By comparison, 50 is the usual limit for clean air. You could see the misty pall of smog hanging everywhere. Since then, the smog has not cleared. The day after we arrived there was cloud seeding. Several aircraft flew over the city spraying silver iodide in an attempt to create rain to the clear the air. I thought this was quite exciting. Sadly, it did not work. There was not enough moisture in the clouds. Published opinions varied from “worth a try” to “waste of money”.

We had a day tour of Delhi. First stop was the Jama Masjid mosque in Old Delhi. Diane had to wear a grey robe despite being perfectly modestly dressed. She was not impressed by this. We both had to take our shoes off. This despite the dog and pigeon dropping all over the floor. We bought some lightweight slippers but mine were too small and kept falling off. The mosque was built in 1650 and is still the largest mosque in India. British rule began in 1803 when they repaired and renovated the building. However, British opinion changed, after the revolt of 1857, which was blamed on the Muslims. Many mosques in Delhi were razed. The Jama Masjid was spared but was pressed into use as barracks. The Masjid was returned to the Muslims in 1862. It was protected as a religious space but was used for political rallies right up until the Partition of India in 1947. Today it is Delhi’s primary mosque and has a largely congregational function.

Next was the Red Fort, also known as Lal Qila, an historic Mughal fort also located in Old Delhi. Unfortunately, I was having trouble understanding our guide. He spoke English but quickly and with a strong accent. Without extreme concentration, I could not follow him at all. So, I cannot say too much about the Red Fort. From here we clambered onto a rickshaw and set off to explore Old Delhi. This was fun and interesting. The place is a chaotic mix of colours, people, rickshaws and vendors. We were guided into a spice shop where we politely listened to the sales pitch and left.

We visited a Skih Temple. Diane had to wear a robe. I had to wear a head scarf and we both needed to take our socks and shoes off. What is it with religion and dressing up? The temple was very impressive in that there was a lot of gold. No photographs allowed. We walked round an altar where a holy man was sat cross legged in front of a book. Round the back I spotted a man counting a large quantity of cash. He also had a credit card machine. Business seems to be good for the Sikhs. Next up was Raj Ghat. The place where Mahatma Gandhi was cremated. It is marked by a plain marble box which is empty although an eternal flame burns at one end. I settled on taking a photograph at distance rather than taking my shoes off yet again. Then we were supposed to see a panoramic view of the government buildings along the Raj Path and the imposing India Gate. The smog put paid to this. In fact, we could barely see the India Gate at all.

Lunch was great. We are vegetarian and we like spicey food. India, at least so far, has proved very obliging in both these respects. Wonderful, tasty vegetarian food everywhere. Next stop the inevitable carpet shop. Original, handmade, artisan, unbelievable value. The pitch remains the same. This one was genuinely selling carpets. Very nice silk on silk with intricate patterns. No space for it in our 23 kg suitcases though.

Final stop was the Qutb Minar complex. Built in 1200, the Qutb Minar is the tallest minaret in the world built of bricks. The whole area is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and tells an ancient story of temples, vanity projects, changing religions and aliens. Beginning with the Qutb Minar tower, numerous emperors and rulers, including the British, have added their bit. The first mosque in Delhi was built here at the same time as the tower. Some years later the site had become a Hindu temple as seen by some remarkable carved pillars. Then there were Muslims again who defaced the pillars. Literally, images of faces are not allowed in mosques, so they cut the faces off the carvings. No way to treat a god. A summary of the history is beyond me because I find it confusing and couldn’t understand our guide. There is an iron column there weighing in at over 6 tons with origins going back 400 AD. Erich von Däniken (Chariot of the Gods, 1970) cited the absence of corrosion on the Delhi pillar as proof of aliens. Science has disproved this but it is still interesting.

We changed hotels in Delhi so that we could have a couple of days in the rather grand Leela Palace. The room was lovely and the bathroom borderline outrageous. It included a television that could be watched while you had a bath. Opposite our room was a large building site where they were working 24 hours a day. Bit noisy. But the real problem was the pollution. Put us right off going outside. I amused myself by taking photographs from the top floor. I tried to capture the pollution. And the Black Kites that wheeled around the building occasionally. There were also some pigeons but nobody is impressed by a picture of a pigeon. We had a couple of short walks and spotted some monkeys living by the road.

Burj Khalifa

Since 1892, Dubai and the other “Trucial States” had been a British protectorate. The British government took care of foreign policy and defence, as well as arbitrating between the rulers of the Eastern Gulf. In 1968, Harold Wilson announced that all British troops were to be withdrawn from “East of Aden”. The decision created a political vacuum that threw the coastal emirates into fevered negotiations. A proposed nine-state union was derailed in 1969 when British intervention against aggressive activities by Bahrain and Qatar caused them to walk out. The remaining emirates, by 1972, formed the UAE. There were a few border disputes but by 1979 things had settled down. Dubai, fuelled by oil and trade, began a boom era.  

The world’s biggest mall includes an aquarium. Opened in 2008 this obviously, because it is Dubai, included several world records. It holds the Guinness World Record for largest shopping mall aquarium. We thought we would have a look. First job was finding it. The world’s biggest mall is extremely big so finding anything, even the world’s biggest aquarium, can be a challenge. It does not help when your partner wants to keep checking out shops to find some new trousers. We did eventually manage both the big fish tank and the new trousers. The Dubai aquarium is also a zoo. I have mixed feelings about zoos. They play a role in conservation and sometimes it is nice to see animals and fish up close. On the other hand, the poor creatures are in captivity and, I think, generally live a pretty miserable existence. Somehow, fish tanks do not seem so cruel as animal cages.

The zoo is spread over three levels and surrounded by shops. 5 million people visit it each year, many of whom seemed to be there on the day we were. The start is a tunnel through a humongous tank featuring sharks and stingrays. Very strange watching them swim over your head. You could also see through the tank to the rest of the mall. So, we had a vision of sharks swimming around some of the big brand shops. This seemed meaningful in some way. The other levels contain a mixture of tanks and cages containing aquatic creatures, reptiles, birds and a few animals. We saw an axolotl, a type of salamander known for its unique appearance and regenerative abilities. Famous for their ability to regenerate lost body parts, including limbs, gills, and even parts of their eyes and brains. There were otters being cute and penguins in a special freezer section. I have seen many Gentoo penguins in the wild and did not like seeing them like this. There were parrots, snakes, lizards, a very cute chameleon, an electric eel and two crocodiles. Saltwater crocodiles, our largest living reptiles, not very friendly, best viewed through a very solid piece of reinforced glass.

Fish tank done, we decided to go up the Burj. This is all part of a massive complex, the Dubai Downtown area. Not just the mall but also, a large lake, many restaurants, high rise towers and other things. The Burj Khalifa rises like a great phallus above the surrounding structures. An extraordinarily high-speed lift takes you up close to the top. The building is quite narrow at floor 154, only a hundred metres across. The view, from this height is always going to be quite impressive. Dust and smog did tend to make things hazy. It was an interesting way to get a feel for how Dubai is built and laid out. Beyond the downtown area are many, many housing estates. The houses are, for the most part, very grandiose and probably cost millions. They are, nonetheless, still laid out just like the ex-council housing I used to occupy in Rotherham. Posh housing estates.

Dubai has a dark underside. Much of it was built using labour from South Asia. Workers were notoriously underpaid (£2.85 a day), worked long shifts, lived in cramped, basic conditions and often had their passports taken. So only a smidge short of slave labour. Capitalism usually involves exploitation. For years, Dubai has been labelled as a major hub for laundering illicit cash, primarily through its real estate market. Due to the UAE’s lack of proper regulations and extradition treaties with many countries, fugitives found it to be a perfect hideout. The “Dubai Unlocked” investigation in 2022 revealed how Dubai’s real estate market became a haven for criminals, money launderers, drug lords, fugitives, political figures accused of corruption, and sanctioned individuals. In 2022, foreign ownership in Dubai’s real estate market was worth approximately $160 billion. Until 2022, there was no obligation for real estate agents, brokers, and lawyers in Dubai to report large cash or cryptocurrency transactions to authorities.

The Burg Khalifa was used in one of the Mission Impossible films. Tom Cruise climbed out of a window on the 130th floor. As well as being the tallest building in the world it is also the tallest TV screen. Lights run its entire height on the side overlooking the fountains. These are used to make quite a remarkable display surface. We hung around enjoying the views until the sunset. Sadly, all the dust made this a bit of an anticlimax. We rounded the day off at a restaurant looking out at the fountains. These are the fountains in the big pool at the base of the Burj. You will not be surprised that the Dubai Fountains are the world’s largest choreographed fountain system. $218 million gets you 6,000 lights, 25 projectors and water shooting up to 150 m. Shortly after we arrived, the first show of the evening kicked off with dancing water, flashing lights and the Burj Khalifa video screen, set to the sound of the Mission Impossible theme. Every half hour after that, came another display, each one set to different music. The food was good but everywhere was packed and felt a bit manic. Not really a relaxing meal. We were sat outside where it was ridiculously hot and there were throngs of people all bustling around to get a good position for the next fountain show. I was quite happy to get back to our cool, quiet hotel room.

Next day, we went to have a look at the Palm Jumeirah. There is a tower that looks over the Palm. For a fee, you can visit the viewing platform and look down on the people living there. We paid extra so that we could jump the queue. My heritage as an Englishman makes me respect the great institution of queues. On the other hand, I really hate standing in a queue. In this case, I felt vindicated. Even with the more expensive tickets, we spent over half an hour queuing. The alternative could have taken many hours.

The Palm Jumeirah is a cluster of artificial islands in the shape of a palm tree. 25,000 people live here. The circular outer breakwater is used for upmarket resorts and hotels. As best I can tell, a house here will cost you at least £5 million. So, the whole place is an exclusive reserve for the rich. It is sterile. There is no natural vegetation and barely any planted greenery. A monorail and road system connect it to the rest of Dubai. There are no animals at all. At least none that I could see. The beaches are perfectly smooth and free of blemishes. To be honest, I don’t get it. Why would you want to sit in your very expensive house, surrounded, closely, by other very expensive houses, in 35° C of heat, looking across a short stretch of artificial waterway at yet more very expensive houses. It is an enclave built by and for the very rich (and the criminals, etc.). I hope they enjoy it – at least it keeps them all out of the way.

In the morning, we flew out. I managed to get a couple of poor photos of the desert that surrounds Dubai. Then we settled down for the flight to Delhi.

Dubai

Dubai is what happens when you get too much money in one place. It is quite a remarkable city. I find it both intriguing and repulsive in equal parts. When I first visited Dubai, in 1984, there was a dual carriage way with sand in the central reservation. Inexperienced drivers would regularly get their vehicle stuck while trying to do a short cut. There was also a single high-rise building. This was popular with the ex-pat community because it was one of the very few places you could buy a beer. Just forty years later and the place bristles with modern, glass clad skyscrapers, luxury homes, swimming pools and expensive yachts. The Burj Khalifa, tallest building in the world, rises above them all. This is all driven by money. Not just oil money. Dubai was doing quite well as a trading centre before 1966. Apart from the money, there is no reason to be here. It is not a nice place. It is hard desert with no natural resources and temperatures over 40°C for half the year. There is no fresh water. You cannot grow crops or keep animals. There is no scenery. No natural trees, lakes, rivers, mountains or forests. It is flat, hot and dusty. At one time (1900), there were just a handful (10,000) of Bedouins scratching a nomadic existence. Now terraforming is hard at work. Water from the ocean is desalinated and pumped into the desert sand until it blossoms green and vibrant. Elaborately shaped islands with luxury accommodation have been created to attract the rich and beautiful. In 2016, the world’s first functioning 3D-printed office building was opened in Dubai. It was built in just 17 days.

A positive move to embrace tourism has created a myriad of flashy air-conditioned hotels, shopping malls, beaches and other tourist attractions. Dubai hosts the world’s largest mall. With over 60 million shoppers a year, it attracts more visitors than the whole of New York City. The dusty road is now an eight-lane palm lined highway with traffic jams every day. The cars here are remarkable. Rolls Royce, Lamborghini, Maserati, Aston Martin and other high-end marques abound. Money attracts money. The banks, investment institutes, realtors, insurers and all the rest came here. They brought their lawyers and solicitors. Everyone needs shops and restaurants. Builders are working hard everywhere and so is all the support infrastructure needed to maintain a large and rapidly growing city. Dubai now supports 4 million people. 10% of these are local – the rest are their support infrastructure. The Dubai International Financial Centre (DIFC) is one of the world’s major financial centres. Dubai International Airport (DXB) is the world’s busiest airport for international passenger traffic, handling over 92 million passengers in 2024

On our first day in Dubai, we were given a tour of Old Dubai. This began by looking at some rebuilt traditional buildings. They feature towers with vents to give natural cooling. We also got to see a museum of local money. Possibly one of my most numbing museum experiences ever. Then we were invited to sit in a recreation of a nomadic camp. This was set up in a paved courtyard and included a very bored looking lonely camel. Some traditional boats took us across the river. By traditional, I really just mean old. Unless smoky old diesel engines are a tradition. And this brought us to the inevitable carpet shop. Today it was spices. We were all invited to smell at a range of open bins of ground spice mixes. They smelled alright but I could not help thinking. First, spices really need to be stored in airtight containers. Secondly, who would want to buy spices from a large open container that hundreds of people a day have been sniffing at? Diane bought herself a bar of Dubai chocolate. This is filled with kadayif (chopped filo pastry) and a pistachio-tahini cream. A couple of years ago it went a viral on social media leading to ridiculously inflated prices. Still cost £10 for a bar but it is quite tasty. Finally, we were left in the souks of old Dubai. Small streets packed with vendors and visitors. With the temperature in the high 30s, this was a vision of hell to me. I did not want to buy any gold or listen to dozens of enthusiastic shop keepers trying to sell it to me. I looked at the amount of saffron in the spice shops and was amazed. More saffron than I had ever seen. Fresh saffron is wonderful in food but also extremely expensive and needs to be kept in small, airtight containers. Here there were literally kilograms of the stuff, that is thousands of pounds worth, piled up in shop windows going stale.

In the evening, we had a dinner cruise. This sounded interesting and even a little romantic. Reality fell a little short. The boat was packed. The buffet dinner was a bit of a scrum. Wine cost over £50 for a cheap red. On balance, the food was quite nice and the views of the marina were interesting. But it was still hot. After a couple of hours cruising, I was starting to melt.

Next day was an early start to drive to Abhu Dhabi, capital of the United Arab Emirates (UAE or just Emirates). It is a federal semi-constitutional monarchy made up of seven emirates. Each emirate is a little country ruled by a family. All the families are related and traditionally inbred. Artificial insemination is being using to try and offset the genetic problems that this causes. Although less populous than Dubai, Abu Dhabi accounts for about two-thirds of the roughly $503 billion UAE economy. The Abu Dhabi Investment Authority (ADIA), headquartered in the city, is estimated to manage approximately US$1 trillion in assets, making it the world’s third-largest sovereign wealth fund. Like Dubai, the combination of big egos and big money makes for some remarkable vanity projects. The Emirates Palace is one of the most luxurious hotels ever.  Ferrari World is a massive theme park which, unsurprisingly, houses the world’s fastest roller coaster.

Our first stop was the Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque. Built over 13 years this gleaming white structure is the biggest mosque in the UAE. Sheikh Zayed commissioned the enormous building when he was president of the UEA. His altruistic purpose, “to establish a structure that would unite the cultural diversity of the Islamic world with the historical and modern values of architecture and art”. He is buried in the courtyard of the mosque so perhaps there is a hint of the Pharaoh tradition of building a shrine. Massive amounts of marble came from Macedonia, Italy and China. The floral design in the courtyard is the largest example of marble mosaic in the world. The exterior and interior are adorned with white marble. The marble is inlaid with precious stones like lapis lazuli, carnelian, amethyst, abalone shell, and mother of pearl. The UAE is a desert. Like most deserts it is very dusty. An army of workers are employed to keep this vast amount of white marble cleaned. We were told that the tops of the columns were gold plated. Unfortunately, to my untrained eye, this made them look like plastic. A sign at the entrance intrigued me. Teddy bears, certain hand gestures, hugging and lying down are all forbidden. So are masks, although niqab are encouraged. Inside is the world’s largest carpet. They seem enormously proud of this. I was tempted to point out that if this impresses you then check out the world’s biggest ball of twine in Cawker City, Kansas.

We got taken to an artisan craft area. Essentially yet another carpet shop and another place with a nomad’s tent and bored camel. We had a look at a beach and then got taken to the Louvre. Not the real one but another vanity project. It cost the Louvre Abu Dhabi $520 million to use the name “Louvre” for 30 years. This was agreed between the respective governments. The curators of the real Louvre were not at all keen and launched a futile petition against it. Surely it is not too difficult to think up an original name. We were scanned and x-rayed and searched to get in. This got us as far as the café. Then we needed to be searched and scanned again to see the actual painting. At this point our small rucksack and camera were banned so we decided to call it a day and went back outside for a coffee.

One of the paintings we did not see at the Abu Dhabi Louvre. We have tried looking at great art before and it does not usually go well.

Jordan

First impressions of Amman were positive. Cooler weather, a better class of car and calmer driving. I did find it a bit disconcerting to be less than 100 km from Gaza. Just a short distance away were many people starving to death while being relentlessly bombed by the Israelis. Syria is a little more stable than a few years ago and was about 40 km up the road. Jordan, at the moment, is a little haven of stability and working hard at attracting tourists.

In the morning, we were collected early and driven north to Jaresh. This city in Northern Jordan is home to one of the best-preserved Greco-Romans in the world (outside of Italy). The pair of us were handed over to a local guide. To be honest, he was a bit difficult to understand. Although we spent the best part of an hour listening to him rattle off names and dates, I don’t think any of it stuck. There was a 300 m diameter elliptical forum surrounded by pillars. Wikipedia tells me that a forum is a public square used as a marketplace and general-purpose meeting place. So, this was a big oval square.

We looked at the temple of Artemis and a nymphaeum. I just learnt this word – it is a monument consecrated to the nymphs, especially those of springs. We found an impressive theatre. Very steep seating. You would certainly get a good view but tripping over a step could really spoil your day. Diane found a millipede.

Our guide left us here. After making it truly clear that he expected a tip. Tipping continues to be a thorn in my side. First of all, you need to work out how much to pay. Too little will cause offence. Too much will buy you a new best friend but leave you out of pocket. Working in different currencies introduces great scope for slipping up in these calculations. Then you need to make sure that you actually have some suitable cash. ATMs that dish out large value notes do not help with this. I don’t think it is good etiquette to ask for change when giving tips. I have always assumed that gratuities were invented by over funded Americans showing off their wealth. Imagine my disappointment to discover that it started in Tudor England. It was taken home by Americans in the 19th century who wanted to appear aristocratic. America only adopted it reluctantly. Gratuities were made illegal in six states. Today they appear to be enthusiastically exporting it to the rest of the world.

Tipping has been researched. Five motivations have been identified:

  1. Showing off
  2. To supplement the server’s income and make them happy
  3. For improved future service
  4. To avoid disapproval from the server
  5. A sense of duty

Some places add a service charge to the bill. The US courts have asserted that this charge is not mandatory. Tipping is often cited as being associated with good service. Another researcher discovered that attractive waitresses get better tips than less attractive waitresses. Men’s appearance, not so important. Blondes get better tips than brunettes. Slender women get better tips. Large breasted women get better tips. Women in their 30s get better tips than either younger or older women. Tipping is massively discriminatory. The US Supreme Court has ruled that even neutral business practices that are not intended to discriminate, if they have the effect of adversely impacting a protected class, are illegal. Perhaps a class-action lawsuit on the part of ethnic minority waiters and waitresses could result with tipping being declared illegal.

In Egypt, if you were not on the ball, someone would grab your bag, move it 5 m, and then expect a tip. Jordan was less intense, but even so you needed to be careful about letting people “help” you. I sometimes felt like the locals vision of a tourist included dollar notes sticking out of every pocket. Any small favour and you can help yourself. Rather sadly, this tends to make you very wary of anyone being friendly.

By the time I had finished ruminating over the evils of gratuities, we had passed Zeus’ temple and were back at the oval square. We met up with our driver again and set off for lunch at the Dead Sea. This is the lowest lake in the world. It is an endorheic lake – the Jordan River drains into it but no rivers come out. The Dead Sea sits in the Jordan Rift Valley, a geographic feature formed by the fault on the tectonic plate boundary between the African Plate and the Arabian Plate. The relative motion of these two plates, about 2 mm a year, has caused a deep depression. The Dead Sea is 420 m below sea level.

We stopped at a hotel close to the Dead Sea from where we could look across the water to Jericho, one of the oldest cities in the world. We could also see the occupied West Bank. I noticed a cloud of black smoke rising from some buildings and wondered if something had just been blown up. After lunch we walked down to the banks of the Dead Sea. A series of steps took us past the hotel’s swimming pools and then to a beach area. The Dead Sea is dead because it is salty. Really salty. About ten times more salty than the oceans. Water drains into the lake and never leaves. Everything that gets washed into the Dead Sea stays there and gets concentrated. Not just salt but all the other residues, chemicals and whatever. The water is toxic. Nothing can live in it. The lake is the continental bottom of the barrel. Diane risked her feet and paddled for a couple of minutes. Other, more enthusiastic tourists, were covering themselves in lake mud and then washing it off in the water. It is not possible to swim normally in the water. The high concentration of salt makes it very buoyant. Famously, you can lie on your back and read a newspaper. I think an accidental mouthful of water would make you very sick.

It was too hot. In part because of the lack of altitude. The walk back up to the hotel was quite unpleasant. We were both dripping with sweat by the time we arrived. It was nice to sit around in the air-conditioned lobby and cool down for a while. Then we went to the carpet shop. I have explained before that every trip has a carpet shop. This particular one was selling salt and mud-based cosmetics from the Dead Sea. We were hit with a heavy and fast paced sales pitch. However, I was struck with the notion that if the Dead Sea was full of toxic water and mud – why on earth you want to rub on your skin? For some reason it reminded me that the Victorians considered Radium as a miraculous element with a wide variety of health-giving properties.

Next morning we were up very early for the drive to Petra. Famous for its rock-cut architecture and water conduit systems. Petra is also called the “Rose City” because of the colour of the sandstone. The city is one of the New 7 Wonders of the World and a UNESCO World Heritage Site. The area has been inhabited since 7000 BC. Petra flourished in the 1st century AD when the Nabataeans used it for temples and mausoleums. Later the Romans used it as a trade centre although it slowly fell into decline as various sea trade routes became preferred. An earthquake in 360 AD destroyed many structures after which it was abandoned and mostly forgotten. UNESCO has described Petra as “one of the most precious cultural properties of man’s cultural heritage” – so, we thought we should at least have a look.

The main site lies down a long, narrow sandstone gorge. As you walk down there are numerous tombs, temples and mausoleums. The rock formations are fascinating. Deep, water carved channels that reminded me of cave systems except that this was all sandstone. Excavations have demonstrated that it was the ability of the Nabataeans to control the water supply that led to the rise of the desert city, creating an artificial oasis. The area is visited by flash floods, but archaeological evidence shows that the Nabataeans controlled these floods by the use of dams, cisterns, and water conduits. These innovations stored water for prolonged periods of drought and enabled the city to prosper from its sale.

The whole place is interesting. The experience, for me, was greatly enhanced because it was not too hot. The gorge gives good shelter from the sun. It proved to be a very pleasant walk down to the bottom with some amazing sites. The main area, usually called The Treasury, was packed with tourists and locals. Camel rides were on offer. So was coffee and souvenirs of all types. The site was used in an Indiana Jones film which gave a solid theme for the Chinese mass-produced memorabilia. There were people just looking for an opportunity to help you with a photograph – for a tip of course.

Coming back up was a bit harder so Diane elected to use a horse for the last section. A three-hour drive back to Amman and our trip to Jordan was finished. Next stop Dubai.

Cairo

Another day, another museum. This time it was the National Museum of Egyptian Civilisation. This is another grand, spacious museum full of ancient relics. More mummies that we could not photograph. This collection included some of the most famous pharaohs. They all look a bit the same when they are black and shrivelled though. Many artifacts that started to blur together in my head. The world’s first prosthetic. A toe. Big toe with a leather strap to hold it on. And a carpet. I was really hoping this would be the carpet that Cleopatra was rolled up in. Sadly, it wasn’t, although it was a nice carpet.

On to Old Cairo. The Church of Abu Serga is where tradition says the Holy Family, including Jesus, hid during their flight into Egypt. The church was built over a cave where they are believed to have stayed, and a crypt beneath the church contains the original site of their shelter. We went down some stairs to have a look. Seemed a bit small and stuffy to hide in for three months. Perhaps if you were desperate. The rows of vendors outside were selling bibles, scripts, icons, beads, crosses and other Christian paraphernalia.

Next stop was the Salah El-Din Citadel and the grand Mohammed Ali Mosque. We were promised spectacular views over Cairo from here. The reality was far too hazy and dusty. Our guide, Mayo, took us into the mosque and explained the five pillars of Islam. This seemed appropriate. We took our shoes off and sat on the floor. The inside of the mosque was ornately decorated and the ceiling was fabulous. I did pay attention but was still a long way from any sort of religious conversion by the time he finished. After twenty minutes sitting cross legged on the floor, my great revelation was that my legs do not like doing this anymore. We both hobbled a bit leaving the mosque but had recovered by the time we were back at our hotel with a glass of wine and a lovely sunset to watch.

Next morning we went off to look at the Bent Pyramid and Red Pyramid of Dahshur. As we arrived a couple of dozen military helicopters went past. Then some other aircraft and then two wings of fighters. All in proper formation and looking very businesslike. US President Donald Trump was joining more than 20 other world leaders in Sharm El-Sheikh, Egypt that day. The aircraft were maybe connected with this. We let them get on with it and concentrated on walking round the pyramids. Both pyramids were constructed by Pharaoh Sneferu during the Old Kingdom. They represent key stages in pyramid-building evolution. The Bent pyramid was too steep. Having started at 54° they discovered cracks appearing internally. The rock could not stand the weight. So they switched to a more modest 44°. The meant the pyramid would not be so high but at least it would not collapse. The second, Red Pyramid, was done at 43°. This time they had it right. Although a modest 105 m high it was still the first true pyramid with a smooth, straight-sided design. After this one, in 2,500 BC they were ready to get cracking with the big ones at Giza.

As lunchtime approached, we headed off to a farm. We were promised this was a typical working farm. One that welcomes tourists but still a farm. Turned out to be a delightful couple of hours. To reach the farm, we sat on the back of a cart pulled by a donkey. At the farm, we began by sitting in a treehouse and drinking tea. Next was bread making. The bread dough was already made. Our job was to roll out thin round sheets before throwing them into an extremely hot clay oven. After being shown what to do, we both made acceptable attempts. This was as well because the bread ended up being part of our lunch. The oven was an interesting design with a fire pit underneath the cooking area. I may try to make one sometime.

Back in our treehouse, we were shown how to make fig biscuits. Given yet more tea. Then our lunch turned up. Flat bread with vegetables followed by fig biscuits – which had been cooked by then. All very good. After some more tea, we had a short stroll round the farm. Some of the crops and rotations were explained. I experimented with climbing a date palm using a rope. Probably best left to the youngsters. I also found a wicked looking stick insect. Then it was back on the donkey cart, back to our hotel and we were done with Egypt. Next day we would fly to Jordan. Just time for a last glass of wine and a sunset.

Aswan

Aswan is the upper limit for the river boats. There is a dam there and no way past. The original dam was built in 1900 by the British at the Nile’s first cataract. Although this was a major construction for the time it was still not enough to fully control such a vast river. It was raised, twice, and then a second dam, the High Dam, was built a short way upstream by the Egyptians in the 1950s. The High Dam also incorporated a hydro-electric power station.

We docked in Aswan late in the evening. Next morning we could get up at a sensible time for breakfast. First trip of the day was to the Unfinished Obelisk. There is a granite quarry close to Aswan where much of the granite used in ancient Egypt was obtained. The massive sarcophagi of Saqqara that we had seen a few days earlier came from here. The quarry also specialised in obelisks. Tall pillars of solid stone that are still seen quite widely. Cleopatra’s needle at Victoria Embankment in London was made here as was the Luxor Obelisk in the Place de la Concorde, Paris. The largest and most ambitious obelisk was begun around 1500 BC but unfortunately it got broken. I like to think some careless craftsman hit it off centre and a crack appeared. Oops. The more mundane reality is probably that the cracks were already there and only became apparent as they worked the rock.

We had a wander around the quarry. It is actually quite interesting, as quarries go. Then we ran the gauntlet of the ever-present vendors and headed for the Temple of Philae. Philae Island was occasionally submerged, along with its temple after the low dam was built. With the advent of the high dam it was destined to vanish underwater forever. An ambitious project was established the move the temple to the nearby Agilkia Island. This was completed in 1980.

The trip began by running a vendor gauntlet down a slipway to a waiting boat. A short trip out to the island gave us a clear view of the British, Low Dam. Reminded me of the dams around Longdendale where we used to live. These were built around the same time. The little boat brought us to the island quay, tightly packed with vendors, from which we emerged in front of the temple.

The first temple building was probably built around 500 BC. Most of the main temple structures were bult in the Ptolemaic era of 100 BC. The site remained a focus for worship through to the Christian era when five of the temples were converted into churches. The Victorians had a bit of a fixation on Egypt. The island was very popular in the 19th century. Today, after the successful relocation it is absolutely heaving with tourists. We followed our guide round for a while but, well, some guides just can’t keep my attention. So we pottered off on our own and arrived back with the vendors at the appointed time. On our trip back to the mainland a couple of vendors hopped onto the boat. They spread their wares on a table in the centre that was so convenient it could have been made for the purpose.

We enjoyed a couple of vendor free hours back on the river boat and then went off to see a Nubian village. This was on the downstream side of the low dam so to get there we simply went in a smaller boat that docked right next to our river boat. A few young lads on old surf boards grabbed hold as we motored past them. They tried to sell us some essentials before they could hang on no longer. The twenty-minute journey was quite interesting. There were some birds and other wildlife. We stopped at a sandy area called a beach so that we could experience paddling in the Nile. At the same time some handy vendors appeared in case we needed to stock up on plastic replica necklaces or knifes made out of camel bone.

Nubians are a Nilo-Saharan speaking ethnic group indigenous to northern Sudan and southern Egypt. They originate from the early inhabitants of the central Nile valley but differ culturally and ethnically from Egyptians. Near Aswan, they maintain their own villages, culture and society. They welcome tourists as a source of income and to explain something of their culture. Our visit began at a school. I think Diane enjoyed that more than me. We walked through the market at dusk. It was very colourful and noisy. Many camels were being led or ridden down the main street. The tour culminated in a family house where Diane was handed one of the pet crocodiles. After a cup of tea we were led back to our small boat and then sailed, down the Nile, in complete darkness, to our river boat. Time for an early night.

Up long before the sun to clamber into a minibus for the drive south to the Temples of Ramses II at Abu Simbel. Four hours later we were close to the border to Sudan. The Aswan High Dam created a reservoir here, Lake Nasser, one of the largest man-made lakes in the world. Obviously, a lot of land got flooded. Tens of thousands of Nubians were displaced. Not everybody was happy about this. The benefits to the remaining land are immense. We saw hundreds of acres of farm, that would otherwise be desert, rich with crops under large, rotating irrigation systems. The temple was also due to be flooded. A multi-national cooperation headed by Unesco saw the entire building complex being moved to higher ground. The temples were originally carved out of the hillside, so the hills needed to be moved as well. I thought this was quite clever. Not only was it a terrific technical achievement paid for by international funds but it also meant that Egypt could keep charging tourists to visit it.

A short walk from the vendors bazaar brought us to the temples. They are magnificent. The twin temples were originally carved out of the mountainside in the 13th century BC for Ramesses II and his wife, Nefertari. Pictures and carvings inside celebrate their lives and achievements. A few hundred years later, the temples were no longer visited and became buried by sand. At the beginning of the 19th century, the temples were rediscovered by some of the great explorers of the time. Even so, it was another hundred years before the sand was completely cleared away and the full scope of the monuments revealed. We took our time looking round and taking a few photographs. Guides are not allowed inside the temples. This make them rather pleasantly quiet although there were still crowds of people.

After that came a pleasant stroll back. A quick check to see if there were any Chinese mass-produced souvenirs that we had been avoiding but really wanted. A cup of coffee and the four-hour drive to Aswan. It was a long day but a rather good temple. We have seen enough temples now that we can spot a good one.

Edfu

After a 4am start, a balloon ride and three temples we were ready for a rest. Fortunately, the remainder of the day was just that. Our little river boat, the Dwa, had set sail for Edfu. We could sit on the top deck of our river boat and watch the world drift past. I really enjoyed this. There was plenty to see along the banks of the Nile. A lot of farming. Banana plantations, corn and several other crops that I did not recognise. Cows were grazing, kids were swimming, people were hanging out in the shade. We treated ourselves to a bottle of cold, white wine and settled back. We just managed to stay awake long enough to discover the buffet dinner in the evening.

We woke in Edfu. The boat had passed through the lock system at Esna during the night. A barrage bridge was built here by the British in 1906 to control the flow of water and limit flooding further downstream. A second bridge and hydroelectric scheme was built in the 1990s. Ships passing up and down the river need to use a lock system to get through the 5 m height difference. At Edfu, we had breakfast at a civilised time and then set off to visit the Temple of Horus at Edfu. To get here we needed to go by horse and carriage. We were told that this was the only allowable way. Not sure how true this is because there were plenty of other types of vehicles around. Anyway, it seemed like fun. The two of us were shown to our carriage and off we went. Only a ten-minute ride. It was fun rather than comfortable.

The temple was very impressive. Built around 200 BC, it features a massive entrance way leading into a mass of towering pillars. To each side are rooms for offering and at the end is the inner sanctum. Every surface is decorated with drawings and hieroglyphs. It fell into disuse with the growth of Christianity around 300 AD and eventually became buried by sand and silt from the river. It was rediscovered in 1860 at which time there was 12 m of sand and several houses on top of it. The architecture of the Temple Works in Leeds was inspired by the Edfu Temple. The design of the columns is a close copy. Like all the temples we have seen, it was hot and crowded. Extremely hot in this case. After an hour we were ready to head back.

First job was to find Abdul, our horse man with carriage number 54. In the event, he found us, shouting and furiously gesticulating when we wandered over to the massed waiting horses. We clambered back on and discovered that the Barney effect was strong. Keith, our friend the amazing Yorkshire dog-whisperer, has a horse called Barney. We went with Keith and Barney in a trap to a pub on the River Humber once. That is a whole other story, but on the way back we noticed that Barney went much faster – pushing hard to get back to his nice field and some food. The same thing happens to Diane when we go out for a walk. We now call this the Barney effect – an increase in speed when you know you are going home. Abdul’s horse trotted briskly out into the road, happy to be heading back. Shortly afterwards a second carriage was coming up fast behind us. Game on. To say we were racing would not really be true but there was certainly some one-upmanship happening. Made for a great trip back. A bit of gentle sportsmanship mixed with dodging coaches and tuk-tuks. Of course, when we got back to the boat, Abdul insisted that we not only pay him a tip but also one for his horse.

The rest of the day was glorious, chilled out cruising up the Nile. A whole flotilla of boats were heading the same way. A few of them under sail. The Nile flows north into the Mediterranean Sea. The prevailing wind is from the north. Without too much technology, you can reliably sail up the river and come back down with the current. This was a significant factor in the development of Egyptian civilisation along the banks of the Nile.

Luxor

Ninety minutes on a small, cramped Air Egypt turboprop brought us to Luxor. Here we were introduced to our river boat, the Dwa. Here we also discovered we could buy wine at the bar. This made me very happy. Next morning, before 4am, we were up and wandering around in the darkness in preparation for a balloon flight. A short drive took us to a quayside on the Nile where we clambered into small boats. We were served coffee and Twinkie bars. Twinkies are American junk food invented in the 1930s that famously contain enough preservatives to survive the apocalypse. We were taken across the river in a sort of Harry Potter style and then loaded into more minibuses. At the take-off site I was warned to hide my camera. Anything other than a mobile phone is considered a professional camera for which you must pay extra. We also discovered that we had to pay to use the toilets. Some of our fellow aviators were annoyed about this – by now we have come to expect it.

By the time it was light enough to see what was going on, the balloons were laid out on the ground ready to go. At some sort of signal, the great inflation began with scores of large fans all roaring into life. Then came the burners and in just a few minutes we were being urged to clamber in. The basket was divided in eight compartments with four people in each and the pilot in the centre. We rose rapidly and were soon looking down at the next wave of balloons being prepared for lunch. All those balloons rising at once made a rather magnificent sight. Shortly afterwards the sun rose and we had some spectacular views. Towards the Nile were many fields of lush, green crops and clumps of buildings. In the other direction, past the limits of irrigation, was hard desert and temples. Temples everywhere. And statues, many statues. Luxor is sometimes described as the world’s largest outdoor museum. Further away we could see the valley of the kings where many elaborate burial sites are located. We also spotted the mortuary temple of Hatshepsut. Our pilot took us low over some of the temples. So low that I wondered if they sometimes managed to get tangled up in the stonework.

After about forty-five minutes we landed. A gentle enough touch down but fraught with its own dangers. Before I had managed to get out of the basket, I had met a young lad with a falcon who wanted to photograph me with it sat on my hand. Had he actually passed me the bird I would have been very tempted to let it free. There was also a seller of plastic scarab beetles and a vendor of particularly cheap looking Chinese mass-produced replicas of the Egyptian sun god Ra. We were collected by the minibus even before we were able to check that the other balloonists had landed without being skewered on a statue of Anubis. The jackal headed God  has pointy ears that would be very bad for a balloon.

Next stop was the valley of the kings. Our flight had been in the cool of the early morning. By now the sun was properly getting a grip on things and the temperature had risen way up past my comfort limit. And it was crowded. Very crowded. This necropolis was used from 1500 BC for about 500 years and contains 65 tombs ranging from the magnificent to the lowly. It was here that Howard Carter discovered the tomb of Tutankhamun in 1922. 5,000 tourists a day visit the site.

Most of the tombs are kept closed in an attempt to preserve them. We had tickets that allowed us entry to four of the royal tombs. These are all ornately decorated with hieroglyphics and pictures. The largest of the four was the joint resting place of Ramesses V and Ramesses VI. This has been open since antiquity, as can be seen by the graffiti left on its walls by Roman and Coptic visitors. Almost all tombs throughout Egypt have been robbed. It began within a few decades of them being built. The curse of the mummy is likely a matter of hygiene. When a tomb is first opened it contains a lot of bad things. Radon gas can build up but also the by-products of decay over many years can give rise to all sorts of nasties such as airborne fungus, bacteria and so on. Those in the know will wait several days for the air to clear. But, if you rush in, the curse may get you.

We finished looking at tombs but then we still had to get past the vendors. The expression “running the gauntlet” comes from the traditional military punishment of receiving blows while running between two rows of men armed with sticks. In Egypt, the entrance/exit to any tourist attraction is only reached by passing through a bazaar. Two rows of shops with very forthright vendors. During this modern running of the gauntlet, you will be accosted repeatedly. Like a good chat-up line, the opening remark from a potential trader can be decisive. The going price for a Chinese mass-produced plastic replica statue of the Egyptian sun god Ra is about a dollar. Hence the common opener “Three dollars. Very cheap, my friend. Only three dollars”. This is your starting point for the negotiation. A more subtle line is “No hassle, come inside, just looking”. One of my favourites is “You are very lucky man to have such a beautiful daughter”. Today we heard “Everything inside is free, just come look” and yesterday we got “How can I take your money”, which I found refreshingly honest.

The tombs were a bit of an ordeal. They were packed with people so opportunities for photography or to even to see some of the key features were limited. It was hot, 38° and we were tired. By the time we exited the fourth tomb I was ready to quit. My eyes were beginning to blur and I was finding it very hard to be interested.

Still, we were not done yet. Despite getting in all the steps we needed for one day, we were whisked up to the temple of Hatshepsut. This is impressive. Three massive terraces rise above the desert floor supported by statues and stone columns. We wandered around, trying to keep to the shade. Then we slipped out past the vendors as quietly as possible.

By this stage all we really wanted was a nice cup of tea and a little lie down. However, first we had to visit the carpet shop. We discovered in Morocco that every tour has a carpet shop. Go with any guide for just about any purpose and you will inevitably end up in his brother’s carpet shop. The carpet shop is a principle, an idea, a template that can be used to sell anything from chocolates to hats. There are some key characteristics of a carpet shop. First of all, they are genuine. This is where they make the original article. Hand made by artisans. Copied by factories all over the world. If you are lucky, you will see a demonstration. Secondly the ingredients, components or whatever are genuine. They are the real, all natural, all local thing. No imports, synthetics or chemicals here. Finally, the cost will be exceptional value for money. It may seem very expensive but this is genuine article, hand made to the highest standards, feel the quality, will last forever, an investment.

Today’s carpet shop was an alabaster factory. Here they made pots, plaques and little statues. We watched a demonstration. We were served tea. We were invited to look around the shop. I spotted a very familiar looking statue of the sun God Ra but said nothing. A certain demographic in our group came out with a ton of souvenirs to grace their mantlepieces and impress the folks back home. They all seemed very happy with their purchases.

Cairo

The Oxford English Dictionary defines culture shock as the “feeling of disorientation experienced by someone when they are suddenly subjected to an unfamiliar culture, way of life, or set of attitudes”. My princess describes culture shock as “it’s bonkers out there”. Our hotel in Cairo was in the heart of the Arabic quarter. Narrow streets surrounded by many old and magnificent buildings thronged with people and lined with many small shops and cafes. We arrived late afternoon and set off, just after dusk, to find something to eat. Immediately we were stuck by the cacophony of noise. Every other shop was blaring out music. Loud and distorted as the straining amplifiers were pushed to their limits. The narrow, cobbled roads were packed with people, dogs, motorbikes, small trucks and the odd car. There were also street artists, stilt-walkers, dervishes, musicians, beggars, people pushing carts or balancing loads on their head. Occasionally we spot some other tourists but for the most part it was local people out for the evening. Friday night in downtown Cairo is truly bonkers.

It was hot, well over 30°C, sweaty and noisy. We worked our way through the crowds past a myriad of shops, bazars, coffee houses and local artisans. After a good twenty minutes of slow progress, we found a café selling cheese and mushroom patties. These turned out to be two layers of thin bread with a filling. Very tasty but we barely got a moments peace to enjoy them. One of the essential commercial models in Egypt is to stand in front of your mark holding your goods and repeating the price many times while looking pleadingly. We had someone trying to sell henna decorations for Diane’s hand, twice. There were cigarette lighters, t-shirts, fridge magnet, scarves and several types of shawl presented to us all before our order had arrived. I was also offered a genuine Rolex watch – but I didn’t bother because I has already bought one in Morocco several years ago. Even with the patties in front of us there was no relenting. Every few seconds someone else would appear asking for a few dollars and refusing to the believe that we did not want a Chinese mass-produced replica of the sun god Ra.

There is an area of Cairo dominated by western style hotels. There are bars in this area frequented by Europeans. There are licenced liquor stores where you can pick up a bottle for your room. We were a long way from there. In the Arabic quarter they have no use for alcohol. Google assured me that the nearest place we could buy a drink was about five miles away. Given the taxi and traffic situation, this may as well have been on the moon. No Dutch comfort to help us through these challenging times then.

Back in our hotel room there was some blessed relief from the heat. The air conditioning was not great but it did work. Occasionally the fan made an alarming clattering noise as if several important components were about to fall out but then, after some stuttering, it kept going. The noise from outside, however, was showing no hint of abating. Friday night. Party night. We guessed they might turn the music down by midnight. We were wrong. It was at least 2am. Obviously, we deployed ear plugs. They helped, a bit, but with a line of shop speakers directly outside our room, all cranked up to 11, we could feel the noise through our bones.

Next day, Diane was beginning to come to terms with the environment. We had an easy day and in the evening went out for a meal and a show. The meal was at a lovely rooftop restaurant with a view of the pyramids. On the way we had caught our first views of the pyramids and could not help but be a little excited. The food was reasonable. A pot of stewed vegetables with rice. The wine was non-existent. Sparkling water was the most exciting drink they served. Many of the other diners were drinking fizzy sparkling drinks. Bottles of cola or other highly sweetened chemicals. I have always thought of these as kids drinks – although they are unbelievably bad for kids. Quite how the over-sweetened stuff goes with a savoury meal is something that I don’t think my taste buds can stretch to.

The show involved light and sound and the pyramids. Big, coloured lights, an ancient wall used as a projection screen and yet more big speakers. It was fun. The Sphinx turned out to be smaller than I expected. Undeterred by a slightly crackly speaker, it narrated the story of ancient Egypt to us in rich, expansive terms. It also explained how the pyramids were built to stand for eternity and defeat death. The three largest pyramids were illuminated in diverse hues to emphasise the point. It was fun if possibly a bit demeaning to magnificent ancient monuments. That night, Saturday night, the partying went on, again, to 2am.

Next morning we set off to properly get to grips with the pyramids. That they are big is the first and most obvious statement to make. Also, they are a massive tourist pull and locals are clearly embracing that for all it is worth. We had a guide, a young Egyptologist called Mayo, who proved to be very enlightening. Like many historical sites we have visited, you really need a guide. The whole system is set up to encourage this. Without a guide you will save some money but you will have to work out how to get around and what to see. You will also have to live without any explanations or information. Sometimes it is easier to go with the flow. On the Giza plateau are the three great pyramids of Cheops (Khufu), Chephren (Khafre), and Mykerinus (Menkaure). The smallest of these, Mykerinus, at a mere 62m was our first stop. Here we could go inside the structure. There is not a lot see. All the interesting things were stolen centuries ago. Still, it was fun. At the bottom of the tunnel we found a very friendly man who insisted on taking our photograph. Tipping is endemic in Egypt. Anyone who does anything, at all, for you expects to be tipped. Taking a photo, posing for a photo, showing you his camel, lifting or pushing anything, offering advice, helping you across the road – it all needs a tip. Frankly it is a complete pain. I think the tipping culture in general is essentially toxic. When it is ramped up to Egyptian levels it really starts get in the way of doing anything. Tourists are an important cash cow to Egypt, one that they are milking for all it is worth. We paid the man for his services and made our way back out. I had hoped the inside of a pyramid would be cool. It is not. We emerged, blinking in the sunlight, hot and sweaty.

We wandered around the other pyramids but were not allowed inside them. We declined several offers of a camel ride. We did not even buy any of the Chinese mass-produced replica statues of Ra, although there were plenty on offer. Eventually we arrived at the Sphinx. There was some fairly assertive queuing needed to get to the vantage point. I grabbed a couple of photographs and wondered where the speaker was concealed.

Later in the day we visited the Serapeum of Saqqara. This was the ancient Egyptian burial place for sacred bulls of the Apis cult at Memphis. It was believed that the bulls were incarnations of the god Ptah. They would become immortal after death. The animals were incarcerated in granite sarcophagi weighing around 40 tonnes. The lid added a further 25 tonnes. The Serapeum was abandoned at the beginning of the Roman Period. Subsequent looting and desecration left the temple in a sorry state and it later became buried in sand. It was rediscovered by Auguste Mariette in 1850. He found the head of one sphinx sticking out of the shifting desert dunes, cleared the sand and followed the avenue to the site. One of the sarcophagi was still intact so he blew it open with dynamite. This was the enthusiastic way of the Victorians. Sadly, the sarcophagus was empty.

We had a look inside a nearby temple. Nothing really visible at all from the surface but lots of interesting hieroglyphs inside. Finally, we visited the Step Pyramid of Djoser. Another massive structure, this one sits atop a labyrinth of tunnels and chambers 6 km long. We were not allowed inside them but by then we were hot, sweaty and tired. Quite happy to head back to our noisy hotel room. Even on Sunday night the street partying goes on until 2am.

Basilica Cisterns

The next day we were back at the Blue Mosque but with a different guide. Outside the Mosque is an area known as the Hippodrome of Constantinople. By way of compensation for the lack of any evidence of a hippodrome, there are three obelisks. The Obelisk of Theodosius is a massive granite monument originally from the Temple of Karnak in Egypt. It was originally erected by Pharaoh Thutmose III in the 15th century BC. Several conquests later, it was transported to Constantinople by Emperor Theodosius I in 390 AD. This was a serious technical undertaking. They needed to build a ship especially to carry it. The other two obelisks looked far less interesting. They were smaller and did not have hieroglyphics carved into them.

We moved on to the Hagia Sofia. Possibly the most famous Mosque in the world and certainly a cultural centrepiece of Istanbul. Originally built as a church in the 6th century it became the world’s largest interior space and among the first to employ a fully pendentive dome. Often considered the epitome of Byzantine architecture, it is said to have “changed the history of architecture”. After over a thousand years as the world’s largest cathedral, the Hagia Sophia was designated a mosque following the fall of Constantinople in 1453. The minarets were built shortly afterwards. In 1935 it became a museum and in 2020 a mosque again. Today it is a little of each. Visitors can access the first floor, for a fee. The ground floor is reserved for religious activity. Elements of the Christian history are still visible. Several mosaics remain and also a picture of the Mother Mary in the main dome. This is hidden behind a veil – no pictures of faces allowed in mosques.

The Sultans palace and museum were next and very conveniently located next door. The Ottoman sultans were revered as God-like figures and led a strangely cloistered existence. The museums started to give me brain fog although the weapons section (no photographs allowed) had some great swords.

Last visit of the day was to the Grand Bazaar. One of the largest covered bazaars on the planet boasting over 4,000 shops. Up to 400,000 visitors daily. In 2014, it was listed first among the world’s most-visited tourist attractions with 91,250,000 annual visitors. I don’t enjoy shopping and I don’t like crowds. The notion of spending a happy hour jostling with thousands of people to look at things you do not want to buy makes little sense to me. Fortunately, Diane is of a similar mindset. So, a quick look round and we escaped for a breath of fresh air.

Done with sightseeing for the day, we wandered off and found a machine for feeding cats. There are an awful lot of cats in Istanbul but, for the most part, they are well cared for. A government program neuters and vaccinates them. If you want to feed the cats you can put some cash in the machine which then deposits some kibble into a dish at the bottom. We also encountered a crowd of Liverpool football fans. They were here for a match at the main Istanbul stadium. There was a lot of drinking and singing going on. We gave this a wide berth although I was quite intrigued by the juxtaposition of the call to prayer with a rowdy rendition of “You’ll Never Walk Alone”.

In the evening, we went off looking for dinner. As you attempt to walk past most restaurants in Istanbul, someone with a menu will leap in front of you and attempt to entice you in. This is fine but on this occasion, we were specifically looking for some pede. Traditional fresh, flatbread stuffed with cheese and vegetables. The restaurant offered wine but no pede. No problem, they explained. Pede would be fetched for us from the pede specialist baker across the road (who did not serve wine). And so, it was. Drinks and starters directly from the restaurant, pedes, still hot, brought by our waiter running across the road.

Next day we looked at some colourful houses, small streets and churches. Then we dived into the Spice Bazaar. Small by comparison to the Grand Bazaar but still very crowded. I like spices. In fact, I’d even say, I was quite interested in them. Also, the displays of spices and herbs were colourful and artistically laid out. This made for some interesting photographic opportunities. Despite this, I had no intention of buying anything, so my attention was held for less than five minutes. I think I would prefer my spices in sealed jars rather than large containers that invite fingers, flies and anything else. Not to mention the fact that much of this stuff will lose its flavour if left out in the open too long.

A boat trip along the Bosphorus was a pleasant way to spend a couple of hours. The weather was nice and we were washed by a cool breeze while sat on the top deck. The Bosporus connects the Black Sea to the Sea of Marmara and forms one of the continental boundaries between Asia and Europe. It also divides Turkey by separating Asia Minor from Thrace. It is the world’s narrowest strait used for international navigation. Most of the shores are heavily populated. In Greek mythology, colossal floating rocks known as the Symplegades guarded both sides of the Bosporus destroying any ship that attempted to pass. They were finally overcome by the Argonaut hero Jason who passed between them unscathed. The rocks became fixed, opening Greek access to the Black Sea. It amused me that some of the tourist buses advertised themselves as BusForUs.

We sailed along the European side up to the second bridge. The Fatih Sultan Mehmet Bridge built in 1988. Then we crossed to the Asian side and came back. Along the way we saw elaborate homes built for sultans and modern homes with panoramic windows built for rich businessmen. We saw a very flashy looking hotel and also a couple of cruise liners, each packing 4,000 or so guests.

Last item of the day was the Basilica Cistern. This is something I have wanted to visit for a while. It is a vast underground water tank. This does not sound very exciting. It was built in the 6th century underneath a site where a large Roman basilica (multipurpose building) had stood. This remarkable engineering feat was completed when London was just a little village by a river. 360 columns were requisitioned from old Roman buildings and temples. 7,000 slaves were used in the construction. I have pondered how they did this. My best guess is in digging holes and sliding the columns in. Then the roof is built, the surplus soil is removed and finally you can build the walls. The cistern provided a water filtration system for the Great Palace of Constantinople and other buildings on the First Hill. After the Ottoman conquest in 1453 it was mostly forgotten about and only used by locals. They used to fish in it. In 1985 the first major restoration began but not before being used by James Bond in 1963 for the classic “From Russia with love”. He uses the cistern to paddle under the Russian embassy – spoiler, the embassy is not really there, or anywhere close. The last restoration and earthquake proofing was completed in 2022. This included safe flooring and some nice lighting. The result is quite spectacular. Give me a interesting hole in the ground over a crowded ancient mall any day.

Back at our hotel, we went up to the rooftop bar to take photographs. The bar was closed but the views were still pretty good. In the distance we could see the busy Bosphorus. Closer were masses of small flats interspersed with mosques. Apparently there are over 8,000 mosques in Istanbul. The essential story behind many of them involved a rich person attempting to guarantee a good personal outcome in the afterlife.

In the evening we looked at a tower and a tram. Then we drifted aimlessly for a short while before finding a place for dinner. Next morning we would be flying to Cairo.

Todmorden to Istanbul

We arrived back in the UK the day before David’s funeral. My sister’s husband, David, had been battling MND (Motor Neuron Disease) for several years. It is a particularly cruel disease. From being an elite mountain marathon runner, David’s body was reduced, slowly but steadily, until he literally could not lift a finger and struggled to talk. His mind however, was still clear, sharp as a knife and his sense of humour undiminished. It was sad, painful to watch. We tried to help where we could. In particular, we accompanied Dave and Helen on trips to the Swiss Alps, to Morocco, to Italy and elsewhere. Each trip, was harder and more challenging for all of us.

Over two hundred people turned up for his funeral. They could not all fit into the church. Such was the respect he had locally. He had done well. From an apprentice at the local foundry he had gone on to gain a PhD and ended up a lecturer at the university. Along the way, he had three wonderful daughters, made a big muddy splash in the world of fell running and married my sister. He beat off an aggressive cancer but then, when the recovery was not going to plan, he was diagnosed with MND and cast onto its inevitable path. That was a most difficult day. The end of his suffering was a bitter-sweet affair. We were sad to lose him. There was also a sense of relief that his suffering was over.

This is the lovely Ailsa, David’s youngest daughter, she is running in the London marathon next April. She will be running the 26.2 miles (46.2 km) in honour of her father. Also, very importantly, to raise money for the MND Association. Details are here.

While in the UK we also celebrated Diane’s seventieth birthday. She was not very keen on this. It was easy to understand that marking the progress of the unavoidable did not sit well just then. We went off to a lighthouse near Newport for a few days. The West Usk lighthouse on the entrance to the Bristol channel was abandoned by Trinity house a hundred years ago. Since then, it has been wonderfully restored. We stayed in a small keepers cottage with a view straight out onto the channel. Here we could watch the sea washing over the mud flats driven by one of the largest tides in the world. We walked along the shore edge, watched the birds, cooked ourselves some great food and drank wine saved for the occasion. It was peaceful, introspective and a touch melancholic but we left feeling much more settled. The rest of our time in the UK was spent pleasantly visiting friends and helping Helen around the house.

Off again. A night at a Manchester airport hotel then we were flying into Istanbul. First attempt to land did not go well. The pilot aborted the landing a few metres before touchdown. Strong winds were the problem. I was reminded of the old maxim that any landing you can walk away from is a good one. Ten minutes later the second attempt went much better. Istanbul is enormous. 20m people. Istanbul airport is enormous. Twenty-minute taxi in the aircraft before we reached our stand. Quickly through passport control, baggage collection and customs. Forty-minute ride to our hotel, check-in, drop bags in room and head out for some food. Just like that we were travelling again. Felt great.

One of our favourite ways to look around a new city is by motorbike and sidecar. We found a company and met up with them the next day. Our bike was a Russian Ural. Looked like an old BMW with a big, air cooled flat two engine. Sounded great but tended to overheat in traffic. Our driver, Cem, clearly enjoyed his job. We shot off into the crowded Turkish streets and straight into weaving between cars, trucks, pedestrians and the occasional dog. It is a very exciting way to get around although you need to trust your driver. He took us to mosques, churches and other historic buildings. We visited a viewpoint in a park and posed with the bike. We crossed one of the immense bridges that span the Bosphorus to the Asian side of Istanbul. Another terrific viewpoint and then some small streets, too small for cars, before popping out by the docks. A small ferry brought us back to Europe where we drove against the traffic up a one-way road. Our driver had a Eventually we arrived close to the Hagia Sophia and were served pistachio coffee – delicious.

Our driver took a break. We’d been on the go well over three hours, so the lad needed a rest. One of his colleagues offered to walk us over to the Blue Mosque and some other sights. We followed him into the courtyard and he promptly got arrested. The policeman explained that we were being protected from scammers. Back at the coffee shop, it was explained as a big misunderstanding. When our guide returned, twenty minutes later, it was to a severe ribbing from his friends. First day out in Istanbul and we already had excitement and drama.

Iguazu

The Iguazu falls on the border of Argentina and Brazil are the largest waterfalls in the world. The highest part, known as the Devil’s throat, is some 80 m wide and about as deep. The falls have featured in many films including Indian Jones, James Bond and Captain America. Understandably the falls are a bit of a tourist attraction. Controlled access is from both the Brazilian and Argentinian sides.

We arrived at the border city of Puerto Iguazú in the evening. The area is classified as Humid sub-tropical and surrounded by rainforest. Our hotel, the Mercure, was rather pleasingly set in a forested area outside the city. Our room on the second floor had a balcony that looked straight into the jungle. We could sit there and watch parrots, monkeys, lizards and many types of bird. Early evening a few fireflies came out. Brilliant.

Once upon a time, the Iguazu falls were deep in the jungle. Remote and difficult to access. Now they are part of a theme park. In some ways this reminded me of the remarkable Postojna cave in Slovenia. A magnificent natural phenomena that has been harnessed and tamed and turned into an item in a display case. In each case, millions of dollars have been spent to create a tourist attraction that will generate tens of millions of dollars. In each case, it feels to me, like much of the natural aspect has been lost. No doubt the owners will talk about preserving the environment and improving accessibility. They will point out that the tourists will come anyhow and there is a need for control. They will probably be less inclined to mention how much money they have made out of it.

Anyhow, we had no choice in the matter, so we queued to get into the carpark. Then queued to buy our entrance ticket, queued to get a train ticket and finally queued to board the train. Such is the joy of being a tourist. Two train rides later we started the walk along the raised footway to the Devil’s Throat. We had already passed innumerable cafes and souvenir shops. We’d also fought off people wanting to be our guide and those selling additional experiences such as boat rides. The footway was a bit of a pain because it was so crowded with people. Took us about half an hour to get to the viewing platform. Then another good ten minutes to actually get on the platform and to a position where we could see something. It was also very hot and humid. The net effect of all these factors pretty much meant I was ready to leave before we had finished arriving. But I persevered for the sake of a few photos. Fortunately, I am a bit taller than many of the people that were around us. Although I resisted the temptation to rest my telephoto lens on the head of the person pushing in front of me.

The park is arranged into a series of pathways that form loops. Each is an hour or two long. Having achieved the big ticket item, Devil’s Throat, we had a break for over priced coffee and a cheese empanada that turned out to have ham in it. You are encouraged not to feed any of the animals especially the persistent coati and monkeys. Many of the cafes have a caged area outside where you can eat in safety. Empanada in the animal proof bin, we managed to buy a soggy and tasteless mixed veg sandwich and then tackled another loop of raised walkways.

The second loop took us around some other parts of the falls. The walkways were as crowded as ever but some of the views were pretty good. The train back to the car park was especially crowded and required a queue of over half an hour. By the time we got back to the car we were both dragging our feet a bit.

Next day we had a choice. The original plan was to drive to the Brazilian side. This was starting to lose its appeal. A long drive and more queues. Staying with the Argentinian side was a shorter drive and we just had one more loop to walk around. We had started late and still felt tired from the day before, so we decided to stick with the devil we knew. This had the tiny bonus of a reduced entry fee. Not unsurprisingly, the day was much of the same. We kept it shorter and less demanding. The final, lower loop, possibly gave some of the best views of the weekend but the weather remained stubbornly hot and humid.

After our third night in the jungle hotel, we set off back to Buenos Aires. The drive was uneventful. The Argentinian company “Five Senses Travel” organised this trip for us and did an excellent job of it. Very friendly, helpful and knowledgeable. I would recommend them if you are ever out this way. Two hotels later we were at BA airport checking in our bags for the flight to Lima.

Esteros del Iberá

The hire car was a small Toyota. It was adequate and easy to drive. We headed north away from the conurbations of Buenos Aires and out into the countryside. This part of our trip had been organised by a company called “Five Senses Travel” https://fivesensestraveller.com/ . We like to be able to explore on our own a little. Sometimes organised tours are just all about an idea of what tourists want to see. Tourists want to visit tourist attractions. Well, sometimes. Often, we really enjoy seeing the ordinary towns and countryside. Seeing how people live, what they grow, how they go about their daily lives. Getting to know a country rather than just focusing on the spectacular and unusual. Driving can be a wonderful way to do this. We had a couple of weeks. We wanted to drive around Argentina a bit and we wanted to visit the Iguazu waterfalls – which are a tourist attraction. Five Senses put together an itinerary which started with Soledad, our guide in BA and ended back at the airport ready for the next leg of our journey. The first part was just a few hours driving to Concepción del Uruguay – which is not in Uruguay but is on the river that borders Uruguay. We found a nice beach by the river.

Two days later we arrived at a hotel in a swamp. El Transito Hotel Boutique is right in the middle of the National park of Esteros de Ibera. Wikipedia describes this area as a mix of swamps, bogs, stagnant lakes, lagoons, natural slough, and courses of water. We were not too sure what to expect. Getting there involved some off-road navigation. The little Toyota struggled a little but what really grabbed my attention was the large variety of birds sat on the fences and posts by the roadside. We arrived mid-afternoon at the hotel which was set in the middle of an immense and carefully mowed area of grass. Rheas were running around to one side and we also saw a fox.

After a very welcome glass of wine, we were invited to go on a trip with a boat and horse to see the sunset. Sounded fun so they equipped us with rubber boots and off we went in a land cruiser. Ten minutes away we hopped out of the car and our two guides led us past a wooden house and through some muddy bog to a small boat. Here we met a very strong and capable looking man dressed in the style of a gaucho. He got the four of us into the small boat and then pushed it for a few minutes along a water channel. He left us there for a short while and then reappeared on his horse which he tied to the front of the boat.

Off we went. Me, Diane and two guides in a small boat being pulled by a man on a horse. The water got deeper but the horse did not seem to care and plodded on with water sloshing around the saddle. It was a delightful way to travel and felt quite in tune with the surroundings. We pushed through narrow, weed choked channels and through small pond areas. Our gaucho, or at least his horse, knew exactly where to go and where was safe to walk. Half an hour or so of this brought us to a wooden hut with a table, an immense old tree and a lovely view. Our guides magicked up some coffee and cakes while we lazed around and took in the vista. The trip back was similar but with the addition of the perfectly timed and spectacular sunset. Dinner was waiting for us on our return. Excellent home cooked food and a glass of wine. It was starting to look like life in the swamp was not too bad.

9am in the morning we were breakfasted and ready to go. A short drive in a different direction took us to our waiting horses. Neither of us have any equestrian inclinations at all but we had been assured that this was not a problem. They had even brought some steps to help us mount. The horses turned out to be very placid and ideally suited to slightly nervous complete beginners. Two different guides this morning. Neither of whom spoke any English. This did not cause a problem fortunately. The essential message was clear. Get on the horse and follow them. We were in a different part of the wetlands now. Far less of the tall grass that we saw the previous night. It was still swamp though. We set of down a dry track but within a few hundreds of metres our horses were clip, clopping through water. From the higher vantage point of being on horseback we could see more birds and wildlife. Just after we set off there was a Capybara. These are large rodents. The largest of all rodents. A bit like giant, short haired Guinea Pigs but weighing in at 50 kg or more.

We plodded through the swamp for an hour or so. It was lovely. Peaceful and relaxing. At one point the water go deeper. We ended up with water at saddle height. The horses did not seem to mind and stayed gratifyingly sure foot even in a metre or more of water. Eventually, we ended up at a place way out in the middle of the swamp. Almost completely featureless. Flat and wet and swampy in all directions. There was not really any point in getting off here so instead we turned around and headed back. I enjoyed the ride but was also happy to get back. My legs were just starting to tell me I had sat on the horse for long enough.

After a very pleasant and relaxed lunch back at the hotel, I set off to photograph some of the wildlife that was running around outside. A fox was the first thing I found. Apparently, several families live close to the hotel and you need to be careful about leaving things outside. They have a liking for stealing shoes. The hotel swimming pool proved to be ideal twitching country. There were some herons here standing very still. The pool is natural spring water, so I imagine the lack of chlorine makes it more inviting for the birds. I also spotted a couple of small birds that I needed to identify later. I am far from being a proper bird nerd so anything I don’t recognise; I look up with Google Eye later. This almost certainly gets some of the birds wrong. Sorry, I tried. Final birds for the after lunch spot were some Rheas. Immense great ostrich like birds running around on the lawn.

Next trip was on a pontoon boat. Two hulls with a large, circular sofa on top and an engine. Very comfortable for cruising round a swamp. Almost as soon as we set off, we spotted a caiman. A large and rather scary looking alligator type thing. First, we spotted them lying around on the bank but then later we saw them in the water. They can sink low in the water so that just their eyes and nostrils are about the water. I was glad we had not encountered any caiman while we were on horseback. We cruised for about an hour. It was fascinating. There were so many different types of birds that I found it hard to keep up with them. We also spotted a large, male marsh deer and loads more capybara.

Eventually we arrived at a large open area close to a densely forested island. Here we stopped the motor and floated around for a while enjoying the sights and sounds. Once again, our guide brought out some food and coffee. Little cakes and cassava bread with cheese. Everything was orchestrated around the sunset. The sun played its part magnificently and we were treated to colourful orange skies as we headed homeward. We arrived back at the little quay just after the sun had dipped below the horizon. From there it was just a short drive back to the hotel and another excellent home cooked meal. On the way we spotted some very young capybara with their mother.

Next morning I spotted a great big lizard on the way to breakfast. An Argentine black and white tegu I later discovered. A good metre long. He was not particularly disturbed by me and carried on looking for his breakfast while flicking out his long, forked tongue. We did eventually leave and took a leisurely drive back along the track while I tried to photograph some of the birds by the roadside. These included a Caracara bird, an owl, several finches and an egret.Back on to tarmacked roads and we set a course for the Iguazu waterfalls.

Buenos Aires

We were bundled off the Amundsen early on a Thursday morning and by the evening we were settled into our hotel in Buenos Aires. Next day I spent a lot of time uploading files. The internet provision on the Amundsen is a bit limited. My specific problem was that I could not back up my photographs. This was a bit of a concern and I was much more comfortable later on when everything was safely copied away. That done, we went for a stroll. Buenos Aires is a big, modern bustling city. We are not connoisseurs of cities but we quite liked BA. After a bit of pottering around we ended up in a street café. Here we could drink wine while different couples danced tango on the pavement.

Next morning we met up with Soledad, our guide for the day. She took us on a six-hour walking tour of BA. It was not six hours of continuous walking. There were a couple of coffees as well. Even so, it was long and informative day.

We saw an awful lot of BA. There is a great diversity of architecture much of which is inspired by Europe. Some areas are very similar to Paris and Madrid. Elsewhere are some very modern buildings and bridges. We walked through a lot of history. The war of independence from the Spanish, numerous skirmishes with the English, Portuguese and others. More recently came various revolutionary movements, the 1976 coup, the dirty war and the silent marches of the mothers of the 30,000 desaparecidos (people kidnapped and killed by the military during the years of the junta). We steered clear of any mention of the Falklands although we saw many signs proclaiming “Las Malvinas son Argentinas”.

Soledad was remarkably informative. I paid attention as best I could but please don’t ask me questions later. The weather was perfect. Warm without being too hot. We wandered through several parks and everywhere the jacaranda trees were blooming with bright purple flowers. Coffee was taken at a fabulous old building with dark wood panelling, marble floors and gold inlaid plasterwork. We visited a tourist area. Shops selling fridge magnets and scarves, many burger stalls and more street tango. Several churches, city squares and a river later we got to the end of our walk by which time Diane and I were plenty ready for a glass of cold wine.

Next day we collected a hire car and set off for the famous Iguazu waterfalls.

Booth Island

The Lemaire Channel was blocked by icebergs, so we needed to back-track a short distance before turning into French Cove at Booth Island. Next morning I found it had been snowing through the night. The decks were closed for safety reasons. Snow and ice can be slippery. I recklessly sneaked out to get a couple of photos. It was quite nice to see the deck looking like we were actually in the southern oceans. The weather remained stubbornly dull and overcast. The scenery, however, was spectacular. Mountains, glaciers, sea ice, icebergs – I never get tired of this stuff. There was great excitement amongst the expedition team about the possibility of an ice landing. That is, a landing on the sea ice.

The RHIBs were launched and disappeared around a shallow headland. We were near the bottom of the list to go ashore. This meant waiting nearly two hours before we finally got off. Amongst the many strict regulations concerning tourist behaviour in the area is a limit to how many people can go ashore at one time. In this case it was not totally clear what ‘ashore’ meant. We arrived at the landing point and it was indeed onto sea ice. But this was sea ice literally right next to the edge of the land. I mean, you could easily have stepped from the ice onto the snow covered land. We were not allowed to do that. We were hemmed in by a cordon of cones marking and area about the size of a football pitch. This was the limit of our exploration. I have been on sea ice many times and can honestly say this was the most boring. It was nice to get off the ship, get a breath of fresh air and see some more penguins. But that was about it. Nonetheless, the expedition team were doing their best to talk up the first sea ice landing of the year. To some people I guess it was a novelty and something special. For me, it once again underlined the massive difference between living and working in Antarctica and the fleeting touch that tourists are allowed.

We explored the football pitch for an hour. Well, we wandered around, chatted and took a few pictures. That sort of exploring. Then it was back to the ship for coffee and cakes in the Explorer Lounge. Life on the rugged edge of exploration.

Kodak Gap

Back in the day, when men were real men and cameras needed film, the Lemaire Channel was known as Kodak Gap. It has been famous amongst tourists since tourists first discovered its picturesque allure and pointed their Kodak Box Brownies at it. First traversed in 1898 by the Belgiums it was named after Charles Lemaire, a great explorer of the Congo. The Congo is in Africa. Equatorial Africa where it is always hot. The coldest place Charles ever explored was probably Brussels where they have the occasional frosty morning. In the early 20th century, Charles was accused of abuse towards the native soldiers, and found guilty of mistreatment of the civilian population. He was demoted and retired in disgrace. Sailing up his channel is maybe not such an honour.

A far more worthy geographic naming came to my attention just a few weeks ago. Mike Rose joined the British Antarctic Survey about the same time that I did in the late 80s. We worked together for a few years and wintered at Halley Base. Unlike me, he stayed with BAS and recently, coincident with his retirement, had a mountain named after him. Mount Rose is in the South Shackleton range. Horribly inaccessible but a nice looking mountain and genuine honour. Congratulations Mike.

The weather perked up as we entered the Lemaire Channel. This narrow strait is almost compulsory for Antarctic tourist ships. Not only is it extraordinarily picturesque but also nicely sheltered from the generally agitated southern oceans. The strait is 11 km long, 600 m at the narrowest point and surrounded by steep rocky cliffs and precipitously hanging glaciers. The main navigation issue is that it can become blocked by icebergs. Especially early in the season. And this is exactly what happened. This did not detract from us spending several hours exploring the channel. Nearly everyone was up on deck. Some armed with cameras and binoculars. Other just gawping at the surrounding scenery. It was quite remarkable. In at least a few places, I think, if some of the hanging ice blocks or cornices had come loose then they might have hit the superstructure. Everywhere it was steep, snowy, icy, rocky and spectacular.

Several sea birds were around including the ubiquitous Cape Petrels and Kelp Gulls. A big, fat lazy Fur Seal was spotted draped over a bergy bit. Near the narrowest part of the channel, we came across two Orcas. I always find the Killer Whales amazing to watch. Such power and grace. They seemed completely unimpressed by our presence and made their way steadily along the channel. A couple of cormorants flew past. In the water a handful of Gentoo penguins frolicked. There were a few small penguin colonies. The sides of the channel are all a bit steep, so the colonies tended to consist of a landing place and line of penguins to a flatter area.

Paradise Bay

Brown Station is an Argentine base on the peninsular in a bay known as Paradise Harbour. It is a very pretty place with surrounding peaks and glaciers into the water. The base was established in 1951. It was a permanent base until 1984 when the doctor burned it down. He had been ordered to stay another winter and was not keen on the idea. The USS Hero rescued the base staff and took them to the US Palmer Station. Since then, the base has been used in the summer. This location is very popular with visiting tourist ships as it is one of the very few places they can command a landing on mainland Antarctic.

The weather was a bit dull and snowing when we arrived. Our group got to cruise in a RHIB while the first groups went ashore. Many, many rules apply to visitors in Antarctica. One of them is that only 100 people can be ashore at any one time. So, the first one hundred people desperate to say they had genuinely stood on Antarctica got to it, while we cruised around some icebergs. A snowy sheathbill landed on the front of the boat. It did not seem nervous at all and spent the rest of the trip trying to eat various parts of the RHIB. A few giant petrels were sat on the sea ice along with some cape petrels that got quite agitated when we got close to them.

Back onboard the Amundsen we did not have much time before we were off for the shore landing. Here there were many penguins. I don’t know how much of the summer Brown base is used for but just now, early in the summer, the penguins appear to have taken it over. These w gentoo penguins. Hundreds of them. They are terrific to watch. I keep saying this because it is hard to overstate just how much fun it is watch penguins. Their antics always seem a bit comic. On land they are ungainly little things that waddle around and fall over a lot. There is also sometime about their appearance that lends itself to anthropomorphism. If you see them in the ocean however, it is a very different story. They are like little missiles. Incredibly fast and manoeuvrable. Eventually we had to go back. Not because we had got bored but because we were told we needed to go back. The expedition team had laid out a 300 m trail that we had to stay on, and I don ‘t think I could have walked around it much slower.

That night, a few people wanted to not only get the ‘stepped foot on Antarctica’ t-shirt but also the one about sleeping there. So, they went ashore, with tents, and spent the night there. Did mention rules and tourists? One of them is that you should leave nothing. Really, nothing. So, the participants were all urged to use the toilet before they left the ship and given a pee-bottle each. They were also not allowed to eat. Dinner needed to be completed early, on the ship. And breakfast would also be taken on the ship. With the rules fully understood, the small group went ashore with tents, sleeping bags and water bottles. At 4am they were woken up and taken back to the ship. Somehow this all reminded me of when I used to find it exciting to sleep in a tent in the garden when I was 12. Although I was never charged €500 per person for the privilege.

Video by kind permission of Jessica Daniels

Half Moon Island

We left Puerto Williams in the morning and headed for Cape Horn. For decades, Cape Horn was a major milestone on the clipper route, by which sailing ships carried trade around the world. The waters around Cape Horn are particularly hazardous, owing to strong winds, large waves, strong currents and icebergs. The need for boats and ships to round Cape Horn was greatly reduced by the opening of the Panama Canal in August 1914. Sailing around Cape Horn is still widely regarded as one of the major challenges in yachting. We were scheduled to do a landing here. This could have been interesting but in the event, it was far too windy. The bridge reported gusts up to 80 knots. I have experienced 60 knots – it is enough to make walking almost impossible, you are continually being knocked down. So trying to make a landing in 80 knots would have been ridiculous. This is what Cape Horn is famous for, extreme wind, so I guess it should not have been a big surprise that the shore trip was cancelled. Instead, we headed back to the Beagle Channel and dropped the Chilean pilot off. Turning south again, we passed Cape Horn much further to starboard than before embarking on a night crossing of Drake’s Passage.

The wind dropped and the seas never got too big. There was a bit of rolling but nothing to write home about. So, the next day, with very little drama, we arrived at Half Moon Island. To me, this is misnamed because it is a crescent shape. In fact, it looks just like an old caldera that has become flooded by the ocean. The expedition geologist assured me that this is indeed the case although Wikipedia states otherwise – Despite its shape, there is no evidence Half Moon Island is or ever was a volcanic crater.

Indisputably, there are penguins here. Mostly Chinstrap penguins. We did spot a few Gentoos in the water. It was lovely to reacquaint myself with these lovely creatures. I doubt they ever intend to be fun to watch but they are. Everything about their antics on land seems faintly ridiculous and amusing.

The weather was lousy. Overcast, snowing, dull and grey. We were given a small route of about 1 km to walk around. I stepped off to one side to let some people past and got told off by a small girl who had apparently been appointed “path monitor”. Although she did not have a badge to prove it. I am in Antarctica and someone is complaining that I am standing in the snow. Further along we had a view over a small bay. The slushy ice at the edge of the bay made the water look milky. I was assured by one of the expedition crew that this was because the sea was freezing. They were completely wrong. I did not argue the point but it did underline to me the difference between my serious experience of the Antarctic and spending a few weeks around the sub-Antarctic islands. The other excitement of the afternoon was a cormorant flying past. Once everyone was back on the ship we set off for the next island and the intriguingly named Paradise Bay.

Beagle Channel

Next morning, a little further down the Beagle Channel, we had another landing. The weather was still overcast and raining. Diane was still not interested in going out in it. I went ashore and walked up a short track to a vantage point. From here I could see the snout of the glacier and where it was calving off into the fjord. The ice was moving quite fast. You could not see it move, but I could hear it cracking and groaning every few minutes. There was a large block of ice which looked absolutely ripe for falling off. I found myself a good vantage point and waited for it. Never happened. The ice kept creaking and cracking. A few little bits fell off. After an hour I was getting more than a little cold and damp. Eventually, I was told we had to leave. Just another five minutes and it might have fallen.

With everyone back on the ship, we set off along the Beagle Channel. There are three ways past Cape Horn. To the north are the Magellan Straits where we had been a few days earlier. To the south is the open ocean known as Drakes Passage. This is the preferred route for commercial shipping because although it offers little shelter it is otherwise straightforward to navigate. The Beagle Channel is 240 km long and just 5 km at its most narrow. It is remarkably picturesque with five glaciers emptying directly into the waters. Named after the HMS Beagle that did the first hydrographic surveys of the area. Charles Darwin was introduced to glaciers here on the second voyage of the Beagle and noted “It is scarcely possible to imagine anything more beautiful than the beryl-like blue of these glaciers, and especially as contrasted with the dead white of the upper expanse of snow.”

Darwin probably had a nice sunny day. We were less fortunate but even so the views were spectacular. Many people came out on deck to have a look. I took a few photographs but it was difficult to do justice to the place. Heavy, thick clouds gave a dull grey featureless light to everything.

A little further down the channel we met the Fram. This is the ship we did the Northwest Passage on last year. The two sister ships engaged in some great horn blowing as they passed. The sound of the ship’s horns echoes of the walls of the fjord. On we sailed, past the glaciers to Ushuaia. Known to the Argentinians as the most southerly city in the world. This will be the eventual end of our trip. Where we leave the ship. Fortunately that is still a few days away so we carried on.

Finally, just after dusk, we arrived at Puerto Williams, population 2,800. A very small Chilean city on the south side of the Beagle Channel with the distinction of being the southernmost populated settlement in the world. Stopping here had been on our original itinerary. However, the plan, especially for the coast of Chile, was proving to be very flexible and Puerto Williams had been removed. Nonetheless, here we were. It all proved to be very frustrating. I would have loved to go ashore there if only for an hour or two. The last time I was here, I had just come from the Falklands in a small yacht, via Cape Horn. It would have been great to pop down to the yacht basin and maybe have a beer. Relive a few moments. Instead I had to content myself with scanning the shore for familiar landmarks in the distance. The Amundsen stayed there all night. Lurking a good distance from the quayside. Nobody got on or off the ship. Next day we set off for Cape Horn.

Magellan

South of Punta Arenas, south of the Magellan straits, are the Darwin Mountains and the Parque Nacional Alberto de Anostini. We had skipped Punta Arenas, yet another place I would have like to revisit, but now at least we had a chance to get off the ship. We had the opportunity to do a wet landing in the RHIBs. From the landing site there was a short walk to a viewpoint in front of a glacier.

Diane took one look at the weather and said “No”. She had a point. It was cold, overcast and raining hard. We have done three consecutive sea days to here. The Chilean fjords are interesting but not captivating. It does not help that the weather has been consistently Patagonia normal. That is, overcast and raining. Shipboard there is a general air of frustration over all the landings that have been cancelled. The bar has lost its mojo. For most of the trip there was a really good vibe in the evenings. Warm, friendly and chatty. Since Valparaiso, the introduction of the new menu, and a change of bar staff things have badly gone off the boil. People are worried about unexpected charges with the new menu. There are a bunch of ‘standard’ cocktails but they are awful. Each cocktail is made of a spirit and a pre-made syrup. Two ingredients per drink. Doesn’t work. This is why the margaritas, bloody marys and others have been tasting so strange. Quick and easy to make but pointless, to me, throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Other, more elaborate, cocktails are available but then you are off into high-cost territory – which is not in the spirit of an all-inclusive package. So, the bar staff are shouldering a lot of complaints, the customers are annoyed and the really nice comfortable atmosphere that the bar has maintained for nearly three months is gone. I needed to stop dwelling on this and get out for a bit of fresh air.

It rained and we got soaked. But it was good fun. I put my camera inside a waterproof bag. The type with a roll-down top. Then I put the bag into my rucksack which is similarly waterproof and has a roll-down top. By the time I got to shore in the RHIB the damp was starting to sneak in. My trousers used to be stretchy and waterproof. Now they are still stretchy but only shower proof at best. My jacket, a newly issued Hurtigruten jacket, is moderately waterproof. The walk up to the view point for the glacier was good fun. Here I found a bunch of very damp looking people standing around. I tried to get my camera out while keeping it dry. This is not possible when it is remaining. Best I could do was manage a few quick photographs while hoping it did not get too wet. Back at the RHIB the wind had been picking up. The ride back to the ship involved bouncing through a lot of waves. We got back, beyond soaked, looking like a boat full of little drowned rats.

Castro

Fidel Castro was a Cuban revolutionary. A champion of socialism and anti-imperialism whose revolutionary government advanced economic and social justice while securing Cuba’s independence from American hegemony. He was also a dictator who oversaw human rights abuses, the exodus of many Cubans, and the impoverishment of the country’s economy. Whatever your opinion, Fidel probably never visited the lovely city of Castro, population 41,000, on Chiloé Island in Chile. But we did.

The morning began with being ferried ashore in one of Amundsen’s tenders. Then we had a walking tour. We saw the city centre church which was opened especially for us. We saw the park where Ibis sat in the trees. We saw the palafitos, traditional and colourful wooden stilt houses by the river. It was a pleasant walk and after a couple of hours we were back at the port. We still had time to kill so we wandered off in search of queso empanadas. Fortunately, we did not have to look far. Lovely little restaurant with several types of cheese empanadas. Dale and Debbie, friends from the ship, joined us. We had a very pleasant hour with delicious empanada and wine. Chilean wine. It was lovely. Diane checked the wine with her app. This stuff was rocking a score of 4.0 at a price of around €10 per bottle. Way better than the ship wine. So good that we had a couple of bottles.

Back on the ship we began the long trek south to Puerto Natales, gateway to Patagonia. I did find this a little irksome. From my previous travels I knew we were passing some terrifically interesting places. I also thought that they could at least pick up a few cases of the local wine. The weather was dull and overcast. We were passing through the inner channel and it was all very pleasant if not spectacular enough for photographs. Instead, I amused myself by trying to photograph some of the birds flying around the ship.

We passed through several narrow channels. These were fun from my point of view. Probably a bit more stressful for the bridge crew. Then we got to a particularly tricky passage, know as the White Narrows. It is passable but very tight and needs to be tackled at just the right point on the tide. The weather was against us. The wind had picked to a small gale. The vertical, flat sides of the Amundsen catch a lot of wind. Usually this is not a problem but it can affect how accurately she can be steered. The combination of a gusty strong wind and a narrow channel is asking for trouble. It was announced that we would skip Puerto Natales and continue south. This was particularly annoying. I remember Puerto Natales as a wonderful place and we had booked a long trip round the scenic Torres Del Paine national park. Ah, well.

La Serena and Valparaíso

The first place our tour of La Serena visited was a small marketplace of shops dedicated entirely to selling tourist tat. Cute souvenirs, fridge magnets, t-shirts with amusing captions and a wide variety of impractical kitchen implements that combined the words La Serena with a red heart symbol. To me this was a tricky start to a tour. These things do happen. In Morocco, any tour will include the carpet shop of the tour guide’s brother. In Thailand you will inevitably end up in a tailors shop. Ostensibly, we were here to look at a church. But we had to walk past the market to get to the church. The church was locked up and a bit dilapidated anyhow. We were given a twenty minute break in case we wanted to look at anything in the market.

Then we walked to a park. It was Sunday so all the (non-tourist) shops were shut. Made for a somewhat dull walk. But the park was in full swing with some dancing. We watched the dancing for a while and nearly bought an ice cream. The tour ended up at a lighthouse that was not really a lighthouse, it had just been built for tourists. The lighthouse was on the beach. The beach is the main tourist attraction. There was a stall nearby selling fried queso empanadas. This was truly the highlight of the day although on the way back to ship, we did spot a pirate ship.

La Serena thoroughly explored, we sailed overnight to Valparaíso. Built upon dozens of steep hillsides overlooking the Pacific Ocean, Valparaíso has a labyrinth of streets and cobblestone alleyways, embodying a rich architectural and cultural legacy. Valparaíso was declared a World Heritage Site in 2003. We did not see any of that, except at a distance. A few of us, those doing the pole-to-pole, were sent off on a tour to keep us out of the way. Meanwhile, at the Amundsen, they were preparing for the next leg to Antarctica. This meant taking on lots of supplies and also passengers. A lot of passengers. The ship was going to be just about full. 277 people.

Meanwhile, we were taken to a very nice park and a famous outdoor theatre that was closed. Next came a very tiny museum. Upstairs was a taxidermists display of Chilean fauna and a two headed sheep. Downstairs were several very dark rooms with old things in and a long queue for the toilet. Outside, as a backdrop to the tourist tat stalls, was a stone head. It looked to have been stolen from the Easter Island people. We had a walk along the shoreline promenade and ended up in the city centre square. Late afternoon we were taken back to the ship which was now starting to feel very crowded.

Iquique

South from Arica but still in the Atacama Desert is Iquique, population 200,000. The history of the town is mostly associated with saltpetre mining. This used to be particularly important. Saltpetre, sodium nitrate, is a vital component of gunpowder and fertilisers. It is also used as a food additive. For more than a century, the world supply of the saltpetre was mined almost exclusively from the Atacama Desert. Since the first decade of the 20th century, nitrogen can be fixed directly from the air (Haber-Bosche process). This directly led to the decline of the mines. Today, Iquique has one of the largest duty-free commercial port centres in South America and this is the main source of income.

We were taken on a bus trip to visit a museum and an old saltpetre mine. This proved to be remarkably boring. As I have mentioned many times before, we are not museum people. This museum represented an all-time low. The most interesting thing I found was a shed with lots of holes in it.

Meanwhile, back on the ship, trouble is brewing. Hx is busy rebranding itself as the expedition side of Hurtigruten. Today Hx introduced a new menu for the bar. Previously, those of us on the Pole-to-Pole trip had an inclusive drinks package that meant we did not have to explicitly pay for any of our drinks. Just about every bottle and cocktail was included. This was pleasant and felt like fair value. Now, Hx has substantiated the existing class divide between those in the more expensive cabins, called suites, and the rest of us. The affluent elite already have their own, exclusive, restaurant. I find this reinstatement of nobility strange. Norway is one of the world’s more egalitarian societies. Hx by contrast, despite being firmly Norwegian, is working hard to solidly reinvigorate the class system. The new cocktails and drinks top out at €50 a shot. Unless you have a suite. Making them essentially inaccessible to the proletariat. But it gets worse. The bar staff are desperately trying to learn and serve the new cocktails to the handful of aristocrats leaving no time to serve the plebians. A wait of up to half an hour for a glass of wine is now common. During one of these periods of class induced boredom, Diane and I started examining, more closely, the wine being served to those of us with a drinks package. Using the Vivino App we discovered that it is particularly cheap and nasty. Typically scoring 3.2 or less and costing and average of well under €5. You will only ever find this stuff on the bottom of a discount supermarket.

The day was rounded off by a short concert from the crew band. The ship’s crew, mostly Filipinos, are not allowed to drink at all and are paid a pittance. Despite this, a few of them have formed a quite reasonable sounding band and we all enjoy the occasions when they play to us.

Arica

The night before we arrived in Arica, Nicky did some songs outside. Nicky is our onboard pianist. She also plays guitar. Twice a day, she plays in the corner of the bar on the top deck. This is very pleasant. Adding an outdoor spot while the weather is still warm was a great idea.

Later that day I spotted a whale. Might have been a sperm whale. Difficult to say but I grabbed a few photographs anyhow.

Arica is in the far north of Chile. It almost never rains here. The Atacama Desert is one of the driest in the world. Back in the day, I was a carefree, solo traveller with a rucksack on my back. I visited Aric as a starting point for seeing some of the Altiplano area that lies eastward towards Bolivia. Here you can find massive, snow covered volcanoes, lakes, llamas, rhea, vicunas and pink flamingos. The tour description, “Desert man” sounded very promising. Sadly, instead of majestic landscapes of the Lauca National Park, we got dancing girls and modern art. I should have read the description more carefully. We were driven up one of the valleys that cut into the desert from Arica. These are irrigated from a subterranean aquifer and are very fertile. Citrus and olives are the main crops. Above the valley are four sculptures that were made about twenty years ago. I do not really have a gene for modern art and often struggle to differentiate meaningfulness from rubbish in contemporary designs. These sculptures were particularly challenging. The flamboyantly dressed youths dancing to loud, distorted music did nothing to improve my sense of artistic appreciation. My disappointment was however, slightly offset by the glasses of a very nice pisco.

Next stop was described in terms of geoglyphs. I would have managed expectations a tad better by mentioning a few rocks laid out on the hillside. Then came the museum. There are some ancient mummies here. Remains of the Chinchorro culture. They are some of the oldest examples of artificially mummified human remains in the world. 5,000 BCE makes them up to 2,000 years older than the Egyptian mummies. Many of them were found at the base of the Morro de Arica – a steep hill that looms above Arica. Our penultimate stop was on top of the Morro. Here we got some lovely views of the surrounding area.

Then it was back to town for a wander round. We found an excellent bar that served empanadas and pisco. Empanadas are a staple part of Chilean cuisine. A pastry turnover containing a filling. Often meat but also made with cheese, mushrooms and onions. The empanadas we found were queso empanadas – small and filled with tasty cheese. Went well with the Mango Sour pisco.

Quite soon after that, the ship was making preparations to leave. We were safely back on board and heading for the bar when we heard the band start up. A 21 piece band had turned up on the quayside and was serenading us as we left. Not just a couple of songs. They played for a good half hour or more as we sailed off into a particularly good sunset. It all felt very satisfying.

Dempster Highway

The Dempster Highway starts just south of Dawson City and runs north-east for 736 km to the Arctic Ocean at Tuktoyaktuk. It is mostly a dirt track and build on permafrost. To stop the permafrost melting there is an insulating layer of gravel up to 2.5 m deep. The first 115 km were built in the early sixties when there was a suspicion of oil to be found. The rest was built in the late seventies in response to the Americans finding oil in Prudhoe Bay. The road is quite well maintained. We saw several graders working. There is also significant traffic including large trucks.

As we set off, it was raining, again. The sky was grey and the road slippery. I was grateful we had 4WD. Muddy spray off the road coated the back of the truck and before long the lights and numberplate were quite indistinguishable. Despite the damp, the driving was quite fun. Just this one, long track winding its way through the wilderness. We passed a vehicle coming the other way every ten minutes or so. The first section is through dense forest. Then you start to climb up into some hills and the terrain becomes more open. Dropping down again we started following a series of river systems. The Blackstone River and then over to the Ogilvie River by way of Engineer Creek. The confluence was marked by the muddy waters of Engineer Creek swirling into the clear, dark waters of the larger Ogilvie River. Some of the tributaries had bright red rocks along the banks. I think this is caused by iron ore that is leaching out of the surrounding hills. We crossed the Arctic Circle as indicated by roadside sign.

The weather started to clear and while I don’t think it actually got as far as sunny, it did get a lot brighter. Drier weather brings its own problems though. First of all, there is the dust. In some ways not as unpleasant as mud spray but it has a remarkable ability to penetrate. Our plastic living unit ended up full of the stuff. We needed to shake the sheets out before we went to bed. The other problem is the mosquitoes. There are several basic campsites along the Dempster and come early evening, we stopped at one of these. Looked lovely until I opened the door and was met by a great cloud of mosquitoes rising up out of the grass. It did not need a second glance for me to shut the door and keep driving. Towards the border between Yukon and North West Territories (NWT), the road cuts through some bare mountains. We stopped on a pass where there was plenty of wind to keep the mosquitoes away and were entertained by a family of ground squirrels. They were running around being terribly busy. I think they were collecting nest material. Not really sure, but great fun to watch.

Next day we arrived at the ferry across the Peel River. By contrast to the previous day, it was sunny and warm. Mid-twenties. Probably as hot as it gets. The mosquitoes were making the best of it. Not just mosquitoes but also a large variety of that bite you in a large variety of ways. I noticed some birds had been building nests underneath the bridge of the ferry. This made sense given that, at these latitudes, there are very few trees and the insects that the birds eat seemed to really enjoy feasting on ferry passengers.

A short while later came the ferry across the Mackenzie River. Same arrangement. Free, government run ferry in the summer and an ice bridge in the winter. There then followed a very long, flat section until we arrived at the town of Inuvik. This is quite a modern, bustling place with gas stations, supermarkets and a shopping centre. We only paused briefly before pushing on to Tuktoyaktuk, a much smaller village on the edge of the Arctic Ocean that marks the northern limit of the Dempster Highway. This last section of the highway loops around numerous lakes that form the Mackenzie River Delta. As we drove into town, we noticed that many people had mosquito nets over their heads. This was a worrying sight. We found the tourist office and were directed to the campsite right at the end of the village overlooking the sea. A dozen or so other vehicles were there. It is not much of a campsite and the toilets are some of the most evil I have encountered in a while. But we were happy to have made it to the Arctic Ocean. A stiff sea breeze kept the flying insects and the smell from the toilets at bay.

Next day began with a puncture. Fortunately, it was only slow. We found a garage to get the tyre pumped up and then headed back to Inuvik in the hope of getting it repaired. Before that, we wanted to check out the Pingo we had spotted when we arrived. We saw one in Svalbard earlier in the year. Pingos are intrapermafrost ice-cored hills, 3–70 m high and 30–1,000 m in diameter. They are typically conical in shape and grow and persist only in permafrost environments. Worldwide there are only about 11,000 pingos of which over 10% are in the Tuktoyaktuk area. There are a couple of mechanisms by which they are created. Both of these involve a core of frozen water which, over time, pushes the hill upwards. The Pingo was a pleasing shape and came with a notice board explaining how it had been formed. We were looking at Ibyuk, the largest pingo in Canada and the second largest in the world.

It was a Saturday and nobody was working. After determining that there were only two possible tyre shops we resigned ourselves to staying for a bit longer. At the small shopping mall, I managed to buy a small electric tyre inflator. This would at least buy us some more time. Fortunately, the campsite at Inuvik is lovely. Probably the best toilets in NWT and hot showers as well.

Sunday afternoon seemed unlikely for tyre repairs but we tried Polar Tyres anyhow. The man was in. He emerged from behind a fishing boat on a trailer. His arms were literally covered in blood up to his shoulders. Momentarily, I wondered if we had just stumbled on some hideous criminal activity. He explained that, with his brother, they had just been out harvesting Beluga whales. Now they were cutting them up for the freezer. Just occasionally when I am travelling something gives me the feeling of being a long way from home. This was one of them. We arranged to get the tyre repaired in the morning.

After three nights at the top of the Dempster we were properly back on the road again. The return trip was a simple unwinding of the trip up. The weather got damper again as we returned to the land of trees. We eventually arrived on the Yukon Highway in just the same sort of downpour as when we had left.

Alaska

The river ferry at Dawson City operates 24 hours a day. In the winter, the river freezes and traffic drives on the ice. The ferry is paid for by the government. There is no booking, no reservations. You just turn up and wait until you can get on. It takes less than ten minutes to cross the river and this brings you to the start of the Top of the World Highway. This is mostly a dirt track and gains its name from the way the road links the top of several hills such that for most of the route you are looking down into valleys. It is 127 km long and only open in the summer.  

At about the highest point of the road, 100 km in, you arrive at the USA border. Previously, we had both applied for ETAC (Electronic Travel something or other) but we still needed to be finger printed and photographed before we could be allowed in. In my experience, border guards do not have a sense of humour. Never. Not even a hint. Surgically removed or something. Trying to joke with a border guard is like trying to play tennis with a jelly fish. It just won’t work. This time however, I was standing in front of the camera with my best serious but clearly innocent face when the guard told me I could smile. I was taken aback. Passport photographs are strictly no-smile zones. But, as the guard went on to explain, this was America, land of the free, where you can do anything. He then told us that Independence Day (July 4th) was the one day of the year that English were not allowed into USA. He then went on to regale us with stories of bear hunting, the bear steak he’d had for breakfast and what to do if a bear came in the door. I suggested running away but no, he was clear that he would stare it down. I pointed out that my apparent lack of bravery was because he was carrying an exceptionally large revolver whereas I was armed with only a smile. Never saw the final ID photograph but I suspect I mostly looked puzzled.

Just round the corner from the border post is an immense “Welcome to Alska” sign and our first view across the Alaskan scenery. A few miles further on the road descends through a valley system and comes out at the gloriously named town of Chicken. They appear enormously proud of the name and just about every signpost has a chicken theme. We also saw a moose. It stepped into the woods and disappeared long before I could get my camera out. They do that. Very frustrating animals to try and photograph. Remarkable how, despite their size, they seem able to completely vanish in just a few steps.

The weather was consistently terrible. Rain and thick grey clouds and fog, several types of mist and more rain. We seemed to spend quite a lot of time driving without seeing very much. Arriving at Fairbanks, we turned south towards Anchorage. I would have liked to go north here, to Prudoe Bay and the Arctic Ocean, but the hire company had put the Dalton Highway out of bounds. Instead, we went through the Denali National Park where we drove past the highest mountain in North America without seeing even a hint of it. At Wasilla, we began heading east back towards Canada and at last the clouds lifted a little so we could see the mountains and glaciers of Chugach National Park.

We completed our soggy circuit of Alaska at Tok quite a few days earlier than planned. We might have taken a leisurely drive back to Vancouver but instead decided to try another route to the Arctic Ocean along the Dempster Highway in Yukon. By late afternoon we were back on the Top of the World Highway and the road to Dawson City.

Dawson City

From Dawson Creek we had been following the Alaska Highway. This was built in the second world war to connect Alaska to the rest of the USA as part of a response to the Japanese threat. Back in the day it was a dirt track and considered to be a long, difficult and, in places, dangerous route. These days it is a fast, easy road supporting a lot of traffic. I reckoned that well over half the vehicles we saw were RVs. Many of these are American so that means an RV based on a full-sized coach towing a family car. The Canadians tend to favour an equally large RV that is towed by a pick-up truck using a fifth wheel bolted into the flat bed. The rest of the traffic is commercial trucks often pulling two full sized trailers.

At Watson Lake we left the Alaska Highway and headed up the far less travelled Robert Campbell Highway. This took us north, roughly following the Pelly River and deep into Yukon. A few short sections of this route are sealed but most of it is a dirt track. Throughout the rest of the afternoon, we only saw two more vehicles. We enjoyed two quiet days on quiet roads with quiet campsites. Rather disappointingly we saw very little wildlife. We had hoped there might be more on a quieter road but obviously this is not always the case. At Carmacks, we joined the Klondike Highway which would take us north to Dawson City. We also followed the Yukon River for a short while. At the height of the Klondike gold rush Dawson City had a population of over 16,000. Much of the food and supplies needed to support so many people came in on paddle steamers that navigated their way up and down the Yukon River. Today Dawson City is a tenth the size and there is a well-made road.

North from Pelly Crossing we passed through a large area of forest fires. The air still smelled smoky and we drove past several miles of blackened trees. A few days earlier the road had been closed. Canada experiences a lot of forest fires in the summer. Most of these have a natural cause and are so far away as to not cause many problems. Occasionally fires are caused by negligence. These are often much more of a problem because they are usually closer to habited areas. There is some suggestion that climate change is exacerbating the situation. In the last few years there have been some quite extreme heatwaves leaving the forests tinder dry.

Dawson City still manages to feel like a bit of a frontier town. Some of the shop fronts and wooden buildings have been deliberately left looking a little like a wild west film set. There is an old paddle steamer by the side of the road and pretty much every sign appears to reference gold. We stocked up on a few essentials and prepared ourselves for the ferry in the morning.

Serre Chevalier

Serre Chevalier is a lovely ski area in the southern part of the French Alps. We had heard rumours of snow earlier. In fact, it was looking like one of the best places in the Alps for a bit of skiing. The month in Chamonix had been a spectacular failure, ski-wise, so we were hoping for some change. Also, we both had a terrible cold over the New Year. Not covid, we tested repeatedly, but irksome all the same and stubborn to leave the chest.

Feeling much healthier and more optimistic, we arrived at Briançon in the rain. Undeterred, I went for a walk round the old part of the city while Diane telephoned some people. An hour later I was soaked and Diane was bored, so we had coffee and pizza at the bakery across the road. The chalet we had rented turned out to be compact but very cosy and well appointed. As darkness fell the rain turned to snow and we settled down with a bottle of local wine in hushed anticipation.

Next day there was snow. A good healthy dump overnight and it was still snowing. A few hardy souls were digging out their driveways and the only cars moving were sporting snow chains. Fortunately, the owner of the chalet had let us park the Jaguar in an underground car park. It is a beautiful car and a joy to drive but completely unsuitable for the Alps in winter. Low profile tyres and rear wheel drive are terrific on dry roads but quite the opposite of what you want on icy roads. We cannot even fit snow chains, there is not enough clearance. We had done what we could to prepare. Proper winter tyres are not only important but also mandatory in some areas. I had bought some snow socks, a sort of fabric equivalent of chains, but hoped we would not need to use them.

Car forgotten, I could finally get some nice skiing done. Everywhere was open. All the lifts were running. There was fresh snow. Happiness.

That was the last fresh snow we saw for the next three weeks. Mostly it was just sunshine. This is rather lovely for being out and about in the mountains. I find, as age encroaches, that I cannot ski all day, every day so I’ll often alternate rest days and go somewhere with Diane. After last year’s broken hip, she is quite adamant about not skiing again. A sentiment I am inclined to encourage. So we go for walks, explore the area and have the odd drive out. For three euros you can buy a day pass for the bus running between Briançon and Le Monêtier-les-Bains. This stops at all the ski areas, shops and the massive  thermal spa at Monêtier. Great way to explore the valley an occasionally, Diane would use the bus to come and meet me for lunch.

We also went up some of the cable cars together. After a couple of weeks of sunshine the slopes were starting to get a bit thin and icy again. It was nice to travel without skis and instead take my full sized camera. The camera is a bit too big to comfortably carry while skiing. I enjoyed pottering around a little and being able to concentrate on the view while trying to capture some sense of it with the camera. I was particularly struck by one mountain, called Pelvoux, which I had climbed over forty years ago with Mark and Andy. In the ensuing time it appears to have become much steeper, higher and generally fiercer looking.

Chamonix

Chamonix has long been a focal point for alpine activities. Mountaineering, climbing, walking, running, skiing, snowboarding, cycling, paragliding, hang gliding and all the other games people have dreamt up to play in the Alps. Chamonix is also home to Mont Blanc which, at 4,808m is the highest mountain in Western Europe. This all sounds very promising for a visit and often the area is fantastic for all things alpine. However, sometimes it just rains.

We had hoped for a snowy Christmas with plenty of skiing and amazing views but mostly what we got was rain. I did ski, on my birthday, but it was hard work. A lot of work can go into keeping a ski area open because the consequences of closing can be severe. Ticket refunds, whole holiday refunds, loss of income, loss of reputation and so on. With a  combination of shovelling snow around and making artificial snow, they try very hard to stay open. However, to be open, they really only need one run. This was the situation in Chamonix. Each of the four ski areas really just had one run open. Without fresh snow these soon become very icy and they were also crowded. Fewer people will be skiing than in good conditions but everyone is confined to just a single run. Icy and crowded can make for a dangerous combination and frankly, not much fun.

We found some other things to do. Walks in the valley, trips into town and a few drives to explore the area. The weather stayed unremittingly bad, even raining high up on the remains of the ski slopes.  Another consequence of the damp and cloudy weather was an almost complete lack of views. We had hired a little apartment on the south side of the valley. On the odd occasion that the ski cleared we had sunshine and some fantastic views of the mountains. Not just Mont Blanc on the right but also the whole of the Midi-Plan ridge across to the Dru on the left. Every once in a while the mountains would reveal themselves to us and I enjoyed myself trying to photograph them.

One day the weather was nice. We took the cable car up to Brévent. A few braves souls were skiing the single slope there. We were happy to take in the views and watch the colourful paragliders floating around. Across the other side of the valley, the Aiguille du Midi was beckoning. The cable car up to the viewing platform, 3,842m, is one of the highest in Europe. We went up there over a decade ago when we skied 20km down the Vallée Blanche to Montenvers. It is a bit of an extreme place and well worth a visit. When the weather is good the views are quite incredible. However, if it clouds over you will not see a thing. Sadly, we did not get another clear day and so, after one of the warmest festive periods on record, we left Chamonix in search of snow elsewhere.  

Cruising

We went on a cruise. David, husband of my baby sister Helen, had a cruise on his bucket list. Diane and I are not really cruise people but we thought we might enjoy a short one. So between us, we found a good deal on a short trip around the English Channel on board the MSC Virtuosa. First step was to drive to Southampton. We stayed at the Southampton Harbour hotel. Good hotel. Friendly and accommodating with an excellent breakfast. When we first arrived, we drove right up to the front door, which helped a lot with David and our great pile of luggage. The hotel parked the cars for us while we on the ship and shuttled us to and from the ship. Room was comfortable and we had a nice view over the marina. Top marks.

We had paid a bit extra for some nice cabins. This also meant that when we arrived at the cruise terminal, we were fast tracked through security and the other formalities. I’ll admit that we did quite enjoy this but more seriously it made things a lot more comfortable for David. Once onboard, our first impressions were very positive. The cabin was terrific. Plenty of space and nice little balcony. Helen and Dave had a lovely cabin as well. Also, it had a walk-in shower and a few other adaptations to make life a bit easier for them. Later, we reconvened in the bar where we discovered free champagne and nibbles. Of course, when I say ‘free’, I mean that they were included in the rather substantial ticket price but it felt like free which was good enough. I suspect one of the pleasures of cruising is that it takes you off into a different and, temporarily, better sort of world.

First stop was Brest in France. It rained. It seriously rained. We went into town, walked around for a couple of hours, got very wet then headed back to the ship. In the evening we explored the rest of the ship. The MSC Virtuosa only came into service a year ago. It is brand new. It is big as well, 182,000 tonnes, that means, up to 6,000 passengers being looked after by 1,700 crew. It is equipped with all the modern cruise ship facilities such as bars, restaurants, swimming pools, gym, games, casino, shops and on and on. You can easily lose several hours just wandering round. Fortunately, we had picked a week after the school holidays and before the Christmas markets, when the vessel not so many people were cruising. Our cabins were at the front of the ship in a relatively small area referred to as the ‘Yacht Club’. The area was at well less than half capacity, which made it quiet and peaceful.

Next day was supposed to be Cherbourg but the weather was too bad. Cruise ships tend to avoid bad weather. They are sea-worthy and generally capable of dealing with strong winds and big seas but this is not what the passengers expect. On commercial ships it is not uncommon for the vessel to roll sufficiently to spill your coffee and send your plate sliding across the table. However, cruise passengers are not salty sea-dogs and would worry if their cocktail glass were not finely balanced. So, on passengers ships there are often stabilisers on the hull look like little wings and steady the ship against the ocean swell. These work up to a point. The sides of the ship stop a lot of wind. Again this can be compensated for by the stabilisers and by using ballast water but only to a point. So we skipped Cherbourg and spend two days at sea heading, slowly, towards Hamburg. Up on the top deck is a swimming pool, a hot tub and an open air bar. In fine, sunny weather this would be lovely. However, with cold rain blowing horizontally across the deck it was less pleasant. Helen is a fell runner and is completely unphased by horizontal rain so we gave the hot tub a go. Fortifying ourselves with champagne definitely helped.

A local taxi driver gave us a short tour of Hamburg. It is a big city with two million inhabitants and 2,500 bridges – most bridges of any European city. The port area, third largest in Europe, is massive so it took us a while just to drive away from the cranes, ships and lorries into the centre. Hamburg is popular with tourists and has a large central shopping area. We wandered around for a while and David bought a couple of smart new shirts. Found a lovely little café for a late lunch, with beer and then headed back to the ship.

Bruges was the only place that MSC managed to provide genuinely wheelchair accessible transport. It was advertised for many of the excursions but, we discovered, what they really meant was the wheelchair user needed to get out of the chair and walk up the steps into a coach. Then they would put the wheel chair in the storage. Helen patiently explained to the MSC excursions people that David could not get up to walk and that wheelchair accessible normally meant accessible in a wheelchair. Eventually we got our money back but it was a bit annoying. The coach took us a short way along the coast to Blankenberge. From here we could get a train into the centre of Bruges. All felt like a bit of an adventure. The weather was greatly improved and Bruges was lovely. The main part of the town is a modest size and easily small enough to walk around. There are some lovely old buildings, many chocolate shops, souvenir shops and other tourist essentials. We all remarked on how clean the place is – no litter at all. After a bit of a general wander around we found ourselves in a bar. This was such a surprise that we had a beer. In fact we had several beers, small ones, arranged on a tray as a tasting set. It seemed appropriate to try several local brews as this particular bar had what they called a ‘beer wall’. A glass fronted wall supporting racks and racks of beer bottles. The wall is over 30m long and displays 1,250 different types of Belgian beers. This bar set the mood so when we arrived at the only local brewery actually in Bruges, we were primed to taste a whole bunch more beers along with a selection of cheeses. Doesn’t get much better.

Retracing our steps proved a little more problematic. We arrived back at Blankenberge to discover that the one wheelchair accessible coach had been sent home for the day. We waited patiently for over an hour while apologetic excursion people made many phone calls. Eventually, just as we were starting to get really cold, the coach arrived. The ship sailed on time but we only boarded five minutes beforehand.

Next day we were at Le Havre. This is quite a commercial port. Seems particularly busy with wind generators at the moment. Massive yards filled with turbine blades and other components. Opposite Le Havre, on the other side of the River Seine is the little city of Honfleur. We found a local taxi that would take us round there. The drive was quite interesting. We crossed over the impressive Pont de Normandie bridge. Our driver seemed particularly proud of this. Honfleur is a pretty place. The central area is a large collection of old buildings. Some dating back to the 15th century. Apparently Monet like to come here to paint. We particularly like the harbour area. When we first arrived, our very helpful taxi driver, pointed out the best place for lunch, ”where the locals eat”. So we booked a table and went for a stroll around. The centre of Honfleur is a very impressive wooden church built in the 15th century. The famous “Axe masters” of the naval yards of the city created this lovely building without using any saws, just like their Norman ancestors the Vikings before them. Shortly after this we found a shop specialising in truffles, which caught my attention. And then a shop selling just nougat, which caught David’s attention. Lunch was great but then we had to head back to the ship, which was sailing quite early so as to get back to Southampton the next morning.

Another item on David’s bucket list was a casino. So in the evening we got dressed up and headed down there. After a little looking around he settled on Black Jack as his game and invested in some chips. We ordered some vodka martinis and gathered round to watch. Helen needed to actually play the chips under Dave’s instructions. At some point in the proceedings he began calling her ‘Moneypenny’ despite the obvious risk of getting slapped. It took a while but eventually he lost all his money. In my experience this is what always happens at casinos and nobody was surprised. Dave was happy that he had played a casino and so we retired to the champagne to toast the end of good trip.