Phuket

90 minutes flying from Bangkok will get you to the island of Phuket. 50km long and just 20 km wide, Phuket is one of the more popular tourist destinations in Thailand receiving some 10 million visitors each year. The beaches are probably the biggest lure for tourists. The weather remains tropical all year round giving rise to lush jungle vegetation. We could spot bananas and coconuts growing everywhere. Obviously it was hot. Just as hot as Bangkok but at least here the air was fresh and clean. Diane and I are still struggling with the heat and our days tend to be punctuated with finding some way to cool down. Fortunately the sea is the perfect temperature for swimming.

We had committed ten days to the Phuket area but did not have any real idea what we were going to do there or even where we would stay. For many holiday makers I think it is all about beaches, bars and nightclubs. I tried sunbathing once and, after about ten minutes, had a headache, felt too hot and was generally uncomfortable. The idea of lying on a beach at 35°C while my skin crisps before going red and falling off, strikes me as some sort of torture. Diane is of a similar outlook and so we set off to find some other sides of Thailand. We hired a very small scooter for a modest fee and this gave us the freedom of the roads. The scooter, a Honda Click 160 is very easy to ride. Just twist and go. Ideally suited to the local roads. Good for filtering through the many traffic jams and simple to park – although you have to be careful that you can find it again amongst the many other almost identical scooters.

Our first trip was to the beach just outside the airport. This is actually slightly more interesting than it sounds. The runway starts right at the edge of the beach. So, you can sit there, sunbathing if you like, and watch the planes coming into land a few metres above you. With correct positioning you can also experience the power of the back-wash from the jet engines as the planes take off. Occasionally a particularly powerful jet will blow people into the sea. Because this is a slightly popular area, a surprisingly wide variety of street food is available. It was early in the morning and I breakfasted on fresh coffee with an egg filled roti (fried flatbread). Instant coffee is very common in Thailand and also one of my pet hates. Every now and again, civilisation takes a faltering step in the wrong direction from which it can take a while to recover – the invention of instant coffee is one such mistaken lurch from the true path. I trust we will get over it eventually. In the meanwhile it is sometimes necessary to search a while for real coffee. Close to the roti stall was another cooking up espresso pots on a small gas stove. Strong and bitter. Ideal for breakfast.

We moved to another hotel right on Nao Thon beach. This was convenient for a dip in the sea and also for watching the sunset. Combining the two, that is, swimming as the sun goes down, does have a romantic appeal however it is not always so practical. The problem is that the mosquitos and other flying, biting insects, tend to get active around sundown. As soon as the light starts to fade it is a good idea to cover up. After getting soundly bitten a couple of times we settled on a evening routine that still saw a cooling dip in the ocean but well before sunset. By the time darkness began to encroach we would be fully dressed and safely ensconced in a bar.

The next big scooter trip was to explore the beaches to the south and west of Phuket. These included Laguna, Kamala, Patong and Karon beaches. In many ways the beaches were quite similar. A massive industry based, apparently, on sleeping in the sandy patches by the ocean. A thousand deck chairs all neatly arranged. Sellers of every type of drink or fruit. Sometimes combined, so you would see coconuts and pineapples sporting straws and cocktail umbrellas. The Thai are very keen on massages, or at least they are very keen on selling them to tourists. Rows of middle aged people laid out on blankets getting their flesh pummelled and contorted. Elsewhere echelons of sun seekers are trying to change the colour of their skin. The pursuit of the all-round and even tan gave rise to some remarkable attire and poses. While nudity is not the normal on these beaches we did spot a few positions combined with perilously flimsy clothing that would have given a porn star second thoughts. Souvenir stalls, food stalls, clothing stalls, tours guides collecting punters for trips. Not for us but this is clearly a great place for those of the beach life inclination. Some people even enjoy the heat I imagine.

On the way back we visited an elephant sanctuary. There are quite a few of these. They are not really sanctuaries. Whatever they say. The elephants are a tourist attraction, a way to make money. People pay to bath with elephants, ride on elephants, feed elephants, pet baby elephants and to pose for the perfect holiday photograph. The poor old elephants probably have a better life than the hard working animals of old. Even so, that attitude of using animals for our own entertainment and amusement does not ring true with me or Diane. Of course, the real problem is that there is almost nowhere elephants can live in the wild. For many endangered species these days there are far more animals in captivity than in the wild. Some species now only exist in captivity. They have been saved by zoos. The bottom line for us with regards to “sanctuaries” is that they make us sad. We would rather not see elephants in chains. We had a short look around. Felt sorry for the elephants and left.

Two hotels later we went on a tourist trip. I am not good on tourist trips and naturally rebel at a deep, instinctual level to being treated like a sheep. When the tour guide says we should all go this way every fibre of my being wants to head in the opposite direction. However, realistically, it is the only way to get to see some things. For a long time I have been intrigued by some of the odd shaped “upside down” islands off the coast of Thailand. Is there an inspirational link between these dramatic rocks, Roger Dean’s artwork and the film Avatar? I wanted to see for myself. We joined up with a group of some thirty other sheep. After a short introductory talk we were herded onto a shallow bottomed boat sporting three large outboard engines. We visited several islands and they were quite interesting. At the first we hopped into small, inflatable kayaks and were paddled through some caves into the a large space inside the island. Next island was a similar topography but this time we waded through some longer caves before emerging into a central area that had a strong “lost world” feel about. Mud skippers, a strange sort of amphibious fish, were walking, skipping perhaps, in the boggy sand. Large butterflies fluttered past and the sunlight cast beams of light through the foliage that reached high up inside the hollowed island. Then came “James Bond” island with racks of souvenir stalls. “The man with the golden gun” was made fifty years ago but this place still has a strong attraction to many. Late lunch was a buffet at a restaurant on stilts. The food, like most Thai food, was remarkably good. Finally we were deposited on a beach for an hour. Presumably so that we could enjoy the great beach life. Fortunately there was a bar with shade from the sun and cold beer.

Next day Diane was suffering from allergies. Multiple insect bites had broken out in lumps and bumps all over. Heat rashes afflicted her legs and she developed terrible bags under her eyes. Looked like she had been fighting. Not sure if these we cause by heat, insects or something else. She loaded up with antihistamines and liberally smeared creams all over. We visited the quieter northern part of the island by scooter and then packed to fly back to Bangkok. Time to start phase three of the Thailand trip.