Driver training

I made a list of what needed to be done before we could set off on our travels. It looked fairly straightforward:

• Sell Dethleffs motorhome
• Sell our houses
• Sell company
• Get married
• Learn to ride a motorbike
• Learn to drive a truck

The house was the first item I tackled. After 20 years in an ex-council house on a large estate, I was not too sad to see it go. It was a very practical house and the neighbours were great. There were views over a landfill site, sewage works, the M1 motorway and Meadowhall shopping centre. I was ready to expand my vistas. Diane also sold her house and we moved into a lovely rented cottage in the Peak District.

Selling the houses gave us enough money to buy the truck. Just the truck. A cab on a rolling chassis.  December 2015. The last possible date to buy a Euro 5 truck before the emission regulations were succeeded by the Euro 6 standard. This was important, not because we wanted to create clouds of diesel fumes, but because a Euro 5 engine is much more tolerant of the lower quality fuels commonly used outside of Europe.

I launched myself into what became two years of almost continuous driver training. After some initial trepidation, I came to thoroughly enjoy this. Just about every week I was doing some sort of training. First came the IAM and addressing my road craft and car handling skills. The last driving tuition I had received was as a spotty teenager so not too surprisingly there was plenty of scope for improvement. Achieving the IAM standard was a great boost to my confidence and prepared me for truck driving. Thank you Stockport IAM.

The HGV test is very different from a car test. There are the obvious vehicular differences but the real issue is that this is a professional driving qualification and a long way from the beginner’s car driving test. First up is a medical examination and then two theory tests. One is concerned with hazard avoidance and feels a bit like a video game. The other is a knowledge test covering not just the Highway Code but also truck specific aspects such as the tachograph, securing loads, weight limits and so on.

Finally I was ready to get my hands on a real truck and discovered that I loved it. As a youngster I had always fancied driving a big truck so to finally get into the driving seat was a real thrill. Enterprise LGV Tuition in Manchester introduced me to a truck and I drove it four hours a day, every day, for a week.  On the last day, me and the truck were taken to the test centre and I passed. Thank you Enterprise. I was enormously pleased with myself and quite annoying to be with for several days.

This felt like a big step towards the dream. We now actually owned a truck and I could drive it. On the way back from skiing in the Dethleffs we called in at the Unicat workshop and met our truck, the fledgling Baloo. First impressions were that it was enormous. The wheels were massive and the driver’s seat was way higher up than my training truck. Once upon a time, I used to consider the 8.5m Dethleffs pretty big but it seemed dwarfed by the MAN TGS 33.540 6×6.

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Back in the UK I made a start at the motorbike problem. I was the problem. More specifically, the problem was that I found the whole motorbike thing quite scary. If I had started with motorbikes when I was young and invulnerable this would not have been an issue. However, I am now old enough to appreciate the potential pain involved in falling off a bike.

First were two more theory tests. Then come two practical tests. The first of these, in an enclosed compound, covers basic handling and manoeuvring. Took me a couple of attempts. The final part of the test involves accelerating to at least 30mph and then, at the examiners signal, doing an emergency stop. The night before, I dreamt of dropping the bike, sliding across the compound, taking out the examiner and smashing into the wall at the far end. Reality was much kinder but on the first try I did not go fast enough.

Before I got to the second test I needed to change instructors. Sadly my original instructor was taken badly ill so I ended up in a new school. Here I met Paul Beatie. He taught me in a way that built my confidence. This was a turning point in the quality of my riding. There are many variations on teaching style and I realised that finding the right instructor was a very individual thing. There are many good teachers but your particular instructor needs to be someone you can work with. With the dawning realisation that the bike was not going to kill me, I breezed through the road test and finally held a full bike licence. Thank you Paul.

In the afternoon, after passing my test, I addressed myself to the 690. Baloo is designed to carry a motorbike on the rear. I had bought a beautiful KTM 690 Enduro R that I was itching to ride. The guys at Unicat told me to buy a 690. I didn’t know one bike from another but they were correct. In the fullness of time this has turned out to be the perfect bike. Back then, it was a steep learning curve in the difference between a tame learner’s bike and the raw performance of a KTM. I fell off. Several times. A few weeks of practise later, I thought I was getting the hang of it, took the bike off-road and fell off some more. 

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Much tuition later I passed my ERS qualification and then, rather impulsively, bought a KTM 1290 Super Adventure. Absolutely loved this beast. My fear of bikes had now completely evaporated and I felt compelled to ride it every day. Went on to pass the IAM motorbike test. In the summer, Diane and I did a terrific motorbike tour of Europe.

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In the spring of 2017, Diane and I got married. We had been together for well over a decade but somehow circumstances had never seemed quite right. Eventually, I surprised the hell out of her by, literally, getting down on one knee and offering her an engagement ring. We rode to the registry office on the KTM 1290 and then had a big party back at the cottage.

My business partner, Andy, and I sold the company. This aspect of the preparation took over a year and was truly horrible. We I had decided 5 years earlier to sell. My position in the business had metamorphosed. When Andy and I first started it was all about computer programming, which I loved. As the company grew I had become exclusively a manager, salesman and accountant – roles that I did not enjoy and was not good at. After 25 years I was totally ready to get out. However, we were both completely unprepared for the uncertainty, anxiety, stress and intense emotional roller coaster ride associated with the process. When the documents were finally signed, both of us were left gasping for breath.

Diane really needed to get her truck licence. Not least from the safety perspective, it is important that we can both drive Baloo. She procrastinated for a long time but eventually, in 2018, decided to get on with it. While she trained for her class C licence I tackled my C+E. This is not necessary to drive Baloo unless we choose to pull a trailer, but I found it interesting and satisfying. Just a few weeks before we were scheduled to collect Baloo, Diane passed her test.

One medical, four theory tests, seven driving tests and a wedding later we were finally ready to start travelling.